the small…

On Fridays, Lisa-Jo hosts Five Minute Fridays where she gives a one word writing prompt for a five-minute writing challenge and people link up. Here is my FMF piece for today…

The word prompt was SMALL.

 

~

They begin small… Small distractions, small words, small emotions.

Angry things feel righteously justified at first, only tasting sour later, and even then, we can grow so used to the sour flavor we no longer notice.

Tiny moments where one might cling to a vindicated bit of sadness, grief or anger- these moments grow into something with a life of it’s own.

Seldom can such things stay small.

Like a tiny man, scrunch faced and arthritic, this small man climbs on our back and we carry him around. He, in all of his aches and bitterness, he in all of his contankery rage and narrow-minded tunnel vision. We become consumed by the weight of this increasingly more, once tiny man. His ever growing in hate filled voice always near our ear, criticizing and fueling flames.

Eventually we can barely move a step without his joint pains becoming our own. The deep lines in our face show our hard journey, our weathered walk of missed out freedoms and light strolls due to this mean small little man’s place of residence upon our back.

He started out so small.

Just a bad afternoon leading to a resentful soak in the tub, or fuming over a glass of wine. Instead of releasing, one must have held on tight.

I took my little man off today. I sat him on a sweet little park bench, with a coffee he found too hot and too bitter. I kissed him gently on his bald, liver spotted forehead and took small steps as I walked away.

His voice is almost gone now. My back is nearly straighter.

Small things.

Good things.

~

In February…

Me
– work on editing, rewriting and polishing my manuscript.
– see the last 3 Oscar contender films.
– write more letters.
– continue to try new things.
– learn at least one thing on the guitar.
– devote one “date” a week to either quality alone time or spending time with a friend.
Us
– cocktail and game night.
– prioritizing the time together as quality time.
– apply for Gen’s summer program.
 Heart
– women’s group at church. I “joined” last month, but with all of the snow days, I’ve yet to attend.
– journal more.
 Create
– I’ve decided to be a bit cliche’ and go with Love for my February photo series them. I’m going to try and be a little out of the box (no promises) despite the cliche’ timing of the theme. {If you missed my January series, you can click here.}
– I’ve been really negligent on paper crafting stuff so I need to work on some cards and maybe a separate project or two.
– Writing challenge project for my online writer’s group.
– two (as of yet, undecided) Pinterest projects.
Reading
Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist
Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austin
Welcome Home Mama & Boris.
The Wind in the Willows.
Home
– finding, DIYing or renovating a table for our bedroom.
Health
– regular gym workouts.
– yoga
– using my Fitbit Flex, a gift to me in January, and I have to say i LOVE it.
Love
– we are taking part in an Intentional date challenge and have only had 1 out of 25 this year… (that Australia trip really threw us off!) so we’ve got some making up to do!
– I’m showering the husband with an absolutely cheesy, but fun Fourteen Days of Valentines fun.

Learn to Fly…

I keep this little journal with me wherever I go. It’s purpose is to contain the brilliant thoughts which will undoubtedly cross my mind throughout my day’s adventures, but more honestly it contains scribbled quotes and truths that I often stumble across which may strike me in the most profound of ways. Granted they are other people’s brilliance, other people’s words- but moving and life affirming all the same. Most recently it’s inspiration and words from a book on writing, which I’m devouring while simultaneously filling the pages of my journal with it’s bits and beauties . This is not the kind of book which speaks on prose and grammar, what to say, or how not to say it. No, it’s the sort of book which talks about the humanity of spirit in words and how words were meant to exist beyond the confines of rules and man-made decisions about how they should (or shouldn’t) be said and done. This is the sort of book the writer-me has been aching for.

For the permission to simply be, breathe, create, exist and do what it longs to do.

I find that, as I reader, I am drawn to admire the authors who pen the stories which don’t fit into the perfectly structured novels which could have been English Lit extension projects. What is the point of art and creativity if you are always staying inside of someone else’s lines?

This is where I’m at today, swimming among the pages and mere ideas of letting go. There are stories to tell, and as I hover above the finalization of my former project and ready myself to dive into my next, I find myself full of electricity and excitement…

This is what writing should feel like. Letting go is what reading should feel like as well! And to the critics and grammar nazis who can’t get past their rules and English Lit education, learn to let go a little. Lift your hands from the handle-bars and feel the wind in your hair and your raised arms. Allow yourself to fly and be. Be more than someone told you that you could…

I am.

The one where I salvage what’s left of January…

Me
– since my writer’s retreat plans were changed, I carved out an intense week where during my “business” hours and evenings my focus is solely on work stuff. (I’m both terrified and excited!)
– a facial. this winter is working overtime on my skin! I’m sure being sick hasn’t helped…
– begin a weekly afternoon simply carved out for correspondence and reading, EVERY week. I’m thrilled! BEST goal/resolution of the year!
Us
– one new year’s resolution I was to have a monthly cocktail evening complete with cards/games, and when it works out, having friends over. 
– Gen & I decided to take a bit of a girl’s weekend, mid month, complete with hotel sheets, sleeping in, no responsibilities, trips to the movies, swimming pools. I’m super excited! 
– In addition, Gen and I are going to start reading together, monthly. We share several of the same books now, which is an odd and special place to get to with your child.
 Heart
– I’m starting a women’s group through our church. I’m pretty excited. I intended to start in the fall, and was excited to do the book they were focussing on, but I just couldn’t make that particular group work with my schedule. This new groups’ timing is a lot more conducive!
– listening to the calling to do/be more, with my life.
 Create
– one of my goals this year is to take on 12 photo challenges.
– Since January of 2012, I haven’t been the best at taking photos and I miss that passion.
Reading
– with the theme of my year being NEW, one thing I’m planning on doing is reading more children’s literature. I never read a lot of it. I kind of, as a reader, jumped right into adult books.
Secret Keeper by Kate Morton
MWF Seeking BFF
Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist
Home
– a few reorganization projects.
– warm pots of soup.
– fresh-baked loaves of bread.
– one paper project (at least)
Health
– yoga
– making more, and creative time for fitness/working out.
Love
– a date night
– finding little ways to reach out to Chw when life and work keeps us apart.
“It is a tough road that leads to the heights of greatness.”
Seneca 

Snowy day run aways…

While everyone is busy posting Christmas cookie secrets and holiday party scandals I’m busy thinking about packing my suitcase and running away alone for a retreat.

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A personal writing retreat is something I’ve toyed with over the past couple of years but opportunity and finances didn’t really leave a lot of opening for such dreams. Coming up in a few weeks, however, there may be the possibility to make such magic happen and I’m thinking I should jump for my chance.

Is it ideal? Maybe not.

I’d much rather there be spring blossomed trees to breathe in, soft grassy paths to clear my head on or Fiery red leaves absorb inspiration from.

I have the opportunity though, and goodness knows I need the change of scenery as I have a LOT of work to do. Something about this room isn’t making that any easier and maybe a change of scenery is just what I need… IMG_3855I’ve been exploring possibilities close enough to home to make it worthwhile, and most of what I’ve found does not fit the bill. Interestingly enough I’ve found a lot of suggestions for various spiritual retreats, which is an interesting idea as well. {Not for this time out though, but one day.}

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So, my friday question for you is, have you ever done anything like that? Ever taken a retreat for yourself? Maybe a photography journey? {I’ve done day long photography journeys, though obviously not with the two of my iPhone photos before!} Maybe a weekend, with a good friend just to relax or de-stress? I’d love to hear your stories, advice or tips…