entertainment, family, friendship, gifts, gratitude, journey, list, self care, Uncategorized

It’s Friday, I’m in love…

You guys, I apologize (sort of) about how quiet it has been here these past weeks. My husband came home, after a month long business trip in Australia AND my best friend came out, from Boise, for about five glorious days. I had to accept that my time was better spent away from the internet for awhile. :)

ASIDE from those two beautiful people and the days we had, here are five highlights to my week:

1.) Before Chw had left for AU, he had gotten something weird on my passenger upholstery. Water didn’t clean it up and every time I got in the car, it bugged me. So, I finally took the risk of wetting a Magic Eraser, and trying that. I had never used it on anything fabric before, but had heard rumors it sometimes helped. This was truly magic! The stain is gone and sadly I feel like I am on the verge of becoming the Windex loving dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, only with Magic Erasers…

2.) The second night Kozzette was here, and the first night Chw was home, we had crazy weather. What started as a light rain turned to ominous skies, which turned to funnel clouds, tornado sirens and the three of us sitting in our second floor rental puzzled wondering what came next, since we have no basement. It was a little scary, kind of funny and overall totally ok. The next morning though, I was reminded (as I am every morning following a storm) How simply beautiful the air is. The sky was blossoming and ethereal, the birds were singing 10 times their normal amount. It was truly beautiful, like grace following the terrifying moments in my own life. Just beautiful!

3.) I recently picked this up at my pharmacy. I’m not sure if it is super awesome, or the timing is coincidence, as I’ve only used it a couple of times, BUT I really love the smell and am hopeful it works for those health things which, sadly, a Magic Eraser cannot tackle.

4.) While Kozzette was here we did a spa day. It was here that I was introduced to Himalayan Sea Salt Massage Stones. If you deal with tension at all, and have the opportunity for such a treat- TAKE IT! Seriously… Phenomenal. I could feel the tension stringing out of me. Sounds Hokey, but it was amazing…

5.) I am so excited about the film Goodbye Christopher Robin, there aren’t even words! It is such a beautiful story, with a beautiful purpose and it looks, well, incredibly beautifully done!

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Uncategorized

It’s Friday, I’m in love…

Every day it is more and more beautiful outside. I love the mystery of the world coming alive in bloom of reds, oranges and yellows while the reality is that the leaves are dying… Something so sad, by nature, is when a large portion of our populous comes alive with creativity and inspiration. It has been a hard, dark week and the splendor of fall feels tainted somehow, but such darkness. This is when it is more important to focus on the beautiful specks- the wildflowers growing through the wreckage.

It is easy right now to list out countless bullet points about what is wrong, around us, but I say let’s take a few minutes to focus on what is right: warm mugs filled with deliciousness, good books, cozy evenings, soft socks, heavy throws… Full on perfection!

1.) The Book That Takes It’s Time… This book is near the top of my list of favorite things, EVER. I love it so much that if there were to be a fire, I might grab it before any other possession…

2.) Chipotle has queso. I realize this may seem like an odd thing to list here, but let me just say it again: Chipotle has queso. So, my favorite tacos (chicken, with grilled fajita veggies, black beans and green salsa) are no a TRILLION times better because Chipotle has queso.

3.) My nighttime routine. I have begun mixing in a couple of drops of Grapefruit essential oil, into my night face cream. Not only does it reparatively affect my skin, but the smell of it is so mood boosting and encouraging that it really has affected my quality of sleep. I’m HOOKED!

4.) Spotify Time Capsule. Do you use Spotify? I love it so much! It is the one subscription I couldn’t go without, and this Time Capsule was the soundtrack to my CRAZY busy weekend. So fun!

5.) Ryan Gosling + SNL. Specifically these two skits: This & This. There are so many quotable things about these two skits. Overall I stopped regularly watching SNL quite some time ago, but I am glad I tuned in this past weekend.

creative, depression, family, fibro, food, friendship, gifts, gratitude, holiday, home, journey, list, marriage, self care, travel

Octobers are my favorite…

I love the beautiful simplicity of this photo. It isn’t mine, it isn’t us. There is something so beautiful about clasped hands, held together, skin-tight, love all that will fit in the between. After yesterday’s post, I wanted to take a little time before posted something far less significant. At the same time, however, looking over my list really allowed me the opportunity to be intentional about the 30 days still to loom ahead, within the month…

Home:

  • decorate for Autumn
  • more candlelit evenings
  • donate 31 things to charity
  • make candied apples
  • make my Grandmother’s apple butter

Create:

  • paper crafting projects
  • pull out the knitting needles
  • experiment more with essential oils and ways to help others with them

Relate:

  • spend time with my BFF, for the almost-week she’s visiting
  • apple picking and making memories
  • welcome my husband home and connect with him in all of the ways, before life takes us on legs of our own journeys again
  • speaking of journeys- fly to Seattle to spend time loving on my beautiful little granddaughter
  • dates with my mom
  • actively displaying gratitude and support to the staff in the nursing home
  • reaching out to connect with other women in life affirming ways

Personal:

  • (finally) meet with personal trainer
  • stick to a schedule for writing, and progress.
  • continued work with my chiropractor and kinesiology
  • hot baths, yoga and self-care

Read/Watch:

  • American Made. (dying to see this movie, even though I know it was technically as September release.)
  • The Mountain Between Us
  • Goodbye Christopher Robin 
  • Reread Alice in Wonderland
  • Braving the Wilderness 

 

What about you? What are you looking forward to, in these growing and cooling evenings? What things do you look forward to the most? Life is hard and heavy, but we still have the responsibility to love the lives we’re living and try to breathe life and beautiful in the brutal… Some days that may be all we’ve got.

home, journey, rant

Good mourning…

We live in a time when our senses are bombarded with distractions on a continual basis. At the same time, as we battle this truth in even the most basic of times, we are encouraged to live simply, take in our moment and just be. It is almost like we are simply setting ourselves up for failure and the habitual guilting of self because we try to slow down and take in the moment, but our way of life usually won’t let us.

Until our way of life makes time stop.

I do not know anyone who has been wounded/injured/killed in this Vegas tragedy. I do not know the transgender teen who was brutally murdered in MO. I do not know anyone personally who has been affected by the devastating weather in Mexico, Puerto Rico, etc… I realize this makes my world seem so small, since the tendrils of these tragic reaches spread out so far. (The realist taking up residence in my brain uses this opportunity to point out that my time will come, and I shudder.)

I spent the stolen, few free moments of my weekend devouring a book that talks about the necessity of slowing down and living present, in the moment. I fell asleep praying, as I usually do, and I kind of vowing, brain groggily, to practice the slow/present in the morning.

Morning came hard, slamming my little untouched reality. While I do not personally know anyone altered by such brutality, this does not mean that I am not affected. I should be affected, we all should. Waking to such horror does not make me want to live in the moment. It makes me want to play a game on my phone, busy myself with mindless activity and escape from the moment. As the death and injured Las Vegas tolls rise, as my mind has to comprehend what four people did to one soul- I want desperately to be present in a different moment.

And then I chastise myself because I am so selfish. So many people DO know, do LOVE, people lost and broken by these things. Who am I to feel I deserve something different? I don’t.

I deserve to be in those trenches of hell just as much as any other person, and no one deserves it at all. The only thing stopping this from being my reality is a few details. As these things continue to happen, (and grow in severity), there is no protecting me next time.

So, I keep my promise and I intentionally practice living in this moment. This awful, terrifying, hopeless moment. Why, God? Why did this happen? How could this happen? Why is this the time I need to focus and be, and practice intentionally savoring my life? Life… Why?

Here’s why: Because I did this. We did this. Each one of us are at fault for these unspeakable things. I am sorry if that is uncomfortable, but it’s true. I am sure that someone reading this will think, offended by my words, (off course offended, I mean, isn’t that part of the problem?) and defensively remark that they would NEVER carry a gun to a hotel room and aim it at unsuspectingly HAPPY people (because 9 times out of ten, concerts are a happy place.) That same person while declare that, though may not agree with transgender equality, they would never stab and mutilate someone because of it… And yet, the internet is full of faceless people hiding behind their booming fonted arguments and opinions. The words found on the internet inspire suicides in CHILDREN. We are all so busy disconnecting from real life relationships/people/community to attack and lash out on those who disagree with us online, because it is safer that way. Is it safer that way? Look at suicide rates… Look at the state of things. We are all so macro focussed on ourselves, our thoughts, our opinions. We are all so ME FOCUSSED, that we are missing the people planning the violent ends. We are missing it. In a time when the culture is touting about how WOKE they are, maybe we are more asleep than ever. Actually no, we aren’t. We are simply laying there, eyes closed, pretending we are.

Your average home burglar will target a darker, quieter neighborhood, where everyone keeps to themselves. They neighborhoods with watches, who form a community, that’s another story. While things may still happen there, (it’s life… bad things happen) those neighbors take care of each other. THERE IS POWER in relationship. In love. In loving people, even when we don’t understand them/agree with them/etc.

Whether from Terrorists, American made or not, or the agendas of our own leaders and agencies- America is an EASY Target right now because we are so far removed from community. We are so busy looking at our selfie sticks, retweets and Insta-likes that we are missing it all- not just the beauty in our moments, but the absolute brutality in them too. Which tragic moment will act as our wake up call? Let’s stop blaming our leaders for their same behavior and start taking responsibility for our own.

The sky is blue here, the air crisp. Our nation is grieving deeply, and I am too. More than that though, I am keeping my eyes open. I am planning to love the lonely, help those in need and stop living through the filter that makes my ego feel it’s best while hiding behind anonymity… Nothing will make any of this not a tragedy, but if we rise up and unite together, the cowards will shrink back to the darkness and we can at least aid good coming out of the bile…

confession, creative, writing

Depend… (5MF post)

 

Every time I take a moment to contemplate the things I feel I want to do, need to do, or would like to plan for- I am instantly chastised by the voice in my head which tells me to consider pretty much everyone else. For example, I would absolutely love for my husband to be offered an amazing job where we move away from the midwest and start anew. Though this dream sings the song of my heart, for sure, the crushing reality is that it wouldn’t really work. My mom is in a nursing home here and she depends on me… In the day-dream he is given a gigantic raise, making flying out here regularly a possibility- but still…

Every heart-note of my soul song is turned flat by the weights which I feel depend on me.

  • I would LOVE to buy that new dress with this $68, but is that fair to my husband/kids/etc?
  • I would love to buy a ticket and go to New Mexico for a week, but Chw and I have hardly been home together and that is not ending any time soon, and what about the dogs? It’s not fair for him to deal with this on top of working the awesome job he actually has, in real life… 

I love to be needed. I love to be able to help a friend or loved one out. I love for someone to reach out because they know I’m there. These days though, I am feeling a little bit of the weight of the normal adult things depending on me. I want to be free to be/go/do/dream without the crashing reality of adulthood. There are days when life feels filled with others who have that freedom and it magically works out. I am hoping my time to learn that secret happens soon. :)

(this posts is a piece for the Five Minute Friday weekly challenge.)