Category: journey

Learning to laugh…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay18 Comments
When my eleven year old dreams of love and marriage, and of being a mother, someday- she envisions it with laughter engulfing everything. Not cruel laughter, at another’s expense, but genuine- soul filling laughter… I want that for her. I pray that for her… Even though her life hasn’t been a basket of fresh picked berries, she still doesn’t quite grasp how difficult life can be, and that’s ok with me. After all, she is only eleven. 
To make her odds of a laughter filled, balanced and happy home even better though, Chw and I need to learn to laugh more. Don’t get me wrong, we are fairly funny people and we do have our fair share of chuckle induced headaches… We certainly know how to many anything fun, and Genny has indeed learned that from us. That being said, however, we still need to bring more fun home. Above all else, our home needs to be a safe place where laughter warms our hearts and love is further born… 
Today, and throughout the weekend I will, in my 28 day challenge: 
– laugh. With my husband; as a family. 
– play together. 
– live in the now. 
– LOVE… 
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To be close…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay15 Comments
Within the first five years of our marriage, my sweet husband (who wasn’t always so sweet, in those days) would have these tender, night time moments where he would hold me so tightly and lay as close as humanly possible. I always knew these moments because there was something in him that was desperately searching and reaching. I always knew that this sentence would follow, and it warmed my soul- I just can’t get close enough to you…
As most everyone who reads this blog knows, we divorced in our fifth year of marriage and officially reconciled two years later… Our reconciliation wasn’t anything like the days of blissfully falling in love and dying to be together. Anyone who has been through something similar knows this. Divorce, and the details accompanying it, are painful and difficult. 
For the first couple of years, after our remarriage, I would often lay awake waiting for those moments of his yearning for closeness to happen, but they never did. It has been ten years since we remarried, in fact, and it hasn’t happened once. For a long, long time that reality messed with my head and this ugly voice in the back of my mind assured me that he didn’t want to be close to me. Somewhere though, along the journey of our lifetime together- I saw the truth. The truth was me… Before, in those first five years, I built myself behind such a vast and thick wall of self protection. It wasn’t me in body that he was desperate to be close to- it was me. The divorce and the reconciliation destroyed that fortress, and with it my need for preservation and safety. I am raw and real now, honest with him and 100% available… 
BUT it’s something i have to keep myself in check with. Life is hard and painful, and vulnerability leaves us often times feeling uneasy… 
Today i will, in my 28 day challenge to love: 
– be present and available, for my husband. I will carve out time, just for him, where we spend time talking about what he needs or wants me to listen to. We will dream out loud together. I will be completely present and attentive, to him. 
– I will make the time to touch base and connect with my kids. To hear their voices, and keep myself attentive to their needs. 
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Here comes the sun…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay3 Comments
Is there anything more symbolic in our society than a sunrise? It signifies so much. I, myself, have had many a sunrise moments where life seemed to get brighter and more beautiful after a darkish hell… I wouldn’t necessarily say that my life is in a darkish sort of hell right now, because it isn’t. My life is actually really great, but that’s a different story… It’s just that, well, the sunrise this morning reminded me that- every day, it’s going to come… 
Sometimes I need the silliest reminders… 
Though I’m not going to get into it in such a public manner, Saturday brought with it some very ugly things that I had to face. I spent the majority of the weekend with a massive knot in my gut and always on the verge of feeling like I was about to be sick at my stomach. Sleep, since then, has been rough… Dreams even worse… But then the sunrise this morning reminded me of everything in my life. Everything good and beautiful, as well as everything gritty and difficult. Life is full of bad, and if we let it that can be overwhelming. Life is full of good too, of great even. It’s just a matter of which we choose to look at… 
This morning I’m looking at the sunrise… 
This week I plan to: 
1} Read a book. (no, i did not do this last week… Gen got the chicken pox and everything sort of went down hill.) 
2} have fun with Genny. Good, quality fun. 
3} get creative, with Genny. 
4} cook 3 things/recipes I’ve never made before. 
5} get (at least) 2500 words of writing on the project, done. 
6} bake bread. (yes, i did do this last week, using my LAME breadmaker and it was awful. doing it by hand this time.) 
7} map out garden plan. 
8} hand write five notes/letters. 
9} try to forgive more. 
10} have a quality date night with Chw.
How’s your week looking? 
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Ain’t too proud to beg…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay3 Comments
I’ve decided to take the weekend off to hang out with my poor chicken pox ridden child… 
If that plan tanks though, I will come back to read blogs… But only to read them… That’s it. No writing them. The reason is, of course, because I will be taking the weekend off… 
In the meantime though, I’ve got a completely ginormous favor to ask! It will only take a minute or so and i promise to love you forever, with undying gratitude, in return… 
At the top of my left side bar you’ll see three super cool little options: 
1.) to subscribe to my blog. 
2.) to follow me on twitter. 
3.) to like my facebook page. 
Would you mind picking one, (or two, or three) and subscribing or liking? Seriously, I’d really appreciate it! 
And, one last thing, if you are feeling extra generous, just below my ads, on the right side, is my networked blogs badge. Follow me there too? 
You guys are seriously, the best… :) 
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image from Minti.com

Moonlighting…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay4 Comments
I should have known… 
I mean, it’s not that I’m bitter about it or anything, because honestly I’m not. 
BUT, that being said, I should have known.
I’m a planner. It’s what I do. But the funny thing about my best laid plans is that they seldom, (if ever) go the way I plan them. Sometimes, I’m ok with that. Other times, when it’s all said and done, I’m able to look back and realize that things worked out better after all. 
I’ll admit it though, there are times when I am just one giant, pouty cry baby about the whole entire thing… 
My son Lucas went into the army. The army told him he’d be graduating from his individual training next summer, in Missouri. Awesome! One of my absolute best friends lives in Missouri. Win/Win. 
But, if we’ve learned anything about the army, we have learned that what they say and what happens are two entirely different scenarios. Once he transferred from MO, mid training, the new plan was a Florida graduation. Panic set in, about cost and the distance from here to Florida- but in all of our new found wisdom and maturity, I rolled with those punches and an awesomely fantastic new plan emerged. Road Trip! 
But, alas, once I (in my stubborn and foolishly planned ways) had the route all laid out and told friends we were headed through their area- the Army mixed it up a bit… 
Alabama. MONTHS sooner than we’d anticipated. True panic set in… How would we get there? Which of us would be lucky enough to go? Insistent that we be there, (as if we’d miss it), I set about planning our third journey. Again, connecting with friends and ironing out all of the details. Miraculously, and against all odds, a plan came together in a way that would allow the three of us to go to Alabama… 
What happened next? Well… you know. Only this time it wasn’t the Army as much as my son. He would rather have a party/reception when he came home the day after his graduation. After all, he was going to be here for almost a month. It would be awesome… Then, on his birthday, he’d be due to report to a base right next to my sisters home in Colorado. Perfect! 
I booked the venue, planned the date, and well, I am sure you can figure out what happened next… (the sum of that part of the story is far less than a month at home and no Colorado…)
Suffice it to say, it’ll all work out, nothing like I planned but I laugh and smile because Lucas will be home (for however long he’ll actually be here-) and it’s all about him, not me… 
Feeling head-achy and a bit on the miserable side, I ran around Boise yesterday finalizing everything I could for the big event, because after an insanely busy Friday, we were heading out of town for a weekend at the Winter Festival up in McCall. We’ve been trying to go, for the past three years, and to no avail something has come up every time… (Starting to notice a pattern, yet? *smile*) 
Early, early Thursday morning Gen woke us up with shouts and crying, because her tummy hurt… 
Just after a miserable breakfast, later, Thursday morning I realized that she was covered with Chicken Pox. To add to the beauty of the kink in our better laid plans- we are BOTH quarantined because my “feeling crummy” could be some how linked to a flair up of the virus in me. Yippee… 
We’re trading in beautifully carved ice art, birthday cake (niece) and family fun in the sunshine and great out doors for Caladryl lotion, oatmeal baths, and never ending redbox/Netflix watching… 
Nothing like I planned, but I’m ok with that. (or working on getting there anyway) I am pretty sure I’m not alone in my best laid plans winding up as sod for my reality… I am reassuring myself that the cow who was BFF’s with Diddle Diddle, in the nursery rhyme, had only planned to stroll through a pasture when he accidentally jumped over that illustrated moon. I’m no fool, you don’t have to tell me which option makes the better story, so I’ll go with it and continue eating my ice cream for dinner. It doesn’t matter that its night two of being the only thing I can swallow. I mean, hello!?!? It’s ICE CREAM for dinner… 
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