Shedding my bad girl ways…

In an effort to change my horrific ways, I’ve decided to resource some better behaviors, from a friend

In all seriousness though, she’s a COMPLETE genius and I do have some horrible habits that her revolutionary idea really spotlighted…

Like, for one: I am a compulsive list maker. I have, on an average day, three or four to-do lists going, at one time. It has happened less than 20 times, in my entire life of 34 years, that every tedious detail has been checked off and every task completed… The end result is always a resounding “you suck!” non-pep talk to myself…

But then, my google reader paved the way to her glorious post and i thought to myself- with a task list like that, life already sounded happier.

More peaceful…

So, I’m doing it. I’m buying a ticket for the fast train to living a life that can be both Type A anal and lead to days of seizing the moment and focusing on what matters.

{Clarifying, here and now, that I don’t actually own sweat pants. I do own yoga pants and I’m not promising not to wear them… She, this friend of mine, is so much better than me.}

I do, however, plan to:
1} Bring my sewing machine out, (it intimidates me) and fix things/play.
2} Read a book. No pressure about what book, it just has to be a book- for me- in it’s entirety.
3} Dance, everyday, for fun.
4} Play with my cricut.
5} Do yoga, at least twice. Twice is reasonable.
6} Listen to 5 cd’s that i haven’t listened to in a very long time.
7} Continue purging things we don’t need or love…
8} Fill out the foster care paperwork.
9} Give myself a pedicure.
10} Bake home made bread.

I would love to hear what you are doing this week to make it a productive but beautiful one… 

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Confession: I’m a total harlot…

Ok… Not really, but i feel like one. I am giving myself the Shame Award, and i completely deserve it!
Our homeschool co-op has a pretty reasonable dress code established. No bare midriffs, no cleavage… you know, the norm. One of these totally normal things is that no part of an undergarment, male or female, is exposed. Also, COMPLETELY reasonable. 
Except that, my shoulders really like to push my bra straps towards my neck. it’s lame, i know. Usually my shirts are of the variety that over compensates for that, at least on co-op days. don’t get me wrong, I never wanted to be THAT woman, you know, the one with the bra straps there for the entire world to see. Unfortunately, it happens. 
Sometimes a lot.
I’ve come to terms… 
So, this morning, I quadruple checked the compliance of my shoulders and straps, their ability to play nice with one another while also showing respect to my chosen shirt. Everything seemed amicably fine. 
Until, of course, we actually got to co-op… {Five minutes late, at that… I HATE to be late…} 
Apparently my bra straps felt that they were the socialites of the century and that everyone there was simply dying for an opportunity to see them up close and personal. 
This was the day that i had a dozen different people to meet with. {Of Course.} 
The day that i had to stand in front of the classroom and speak to a class full of children about public speaking and story telling. {*sigh*}
The day that the heat in the entire building was cranked up to 300 and the only thing I had to wear over said defiant straps and tramp shirt was a wool pea coat… {W-O-O-L}
May as well have just slapped a gigantic read A across my bodice and called it a day…
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Finally learning how to love…

I have been forced to consider, lately, what sort of blogger I want to be.

I love blogging. i love reading them and the sense of community that develops among bloggers. I’ve seen fellow bloggers move mountains to help one another in times of need, in ways that face to face community dwellers seem to fail at- these days… i am proud to be a blogger.
The sort of blogger I want to be is an authentic one. Firm in who I am, and what I believe. Honest, not pompous, about me…
While pondering all of these deep things, lately, {like blogging, closing the doors of my business, how to further grow our family, etc…} I came across something which struck me in a completely profound way… You see, I was feeling immensely guilty because I hadn’t made specific quiet time to read or pray in a week. I knew these feelings were my own issue because God is not a god of guilt, but i also knew that things would go more smoothly if I would make the time. {Making the time seems to be my constant struggle, in all areas} Rather than pressuring myself with “homework”, to catch up on my reading, I just picked up where I left off- still feeling that nagging guilt eating away at my spirit.
And then, there it was: We are called to love God and to love others. it is in the evidence of how we love others as to whether or not we are truly loving God. Furthermore, loving God is not about an emotion at all, but about a commitment to put God first.
Wow. While I am sure there are many of you thinking “yeah, and? Get to the point.” my point is, WOW. All of these years i’ve feared (again, the fear part comes from me, I get it) that my heart wasn’t loving (emotion) God enough… My fickle heart has fallen obsessively in love with a movie, band or designer handbag (I’m sorry!) and worried that my new favorite thing would push God out of the lead contender position, for my love.
i have been so wrong. Even when I made the most horrible mistakes, God blessed me with an amazing husband and three of the most beautiful kids in the world. When I’ve been financially irresponsible, I’ve still always had a home and every other need. I’ve been loving God with my heart for so long, hoping beyond hope that I had it right- and I’m not saying loving God with emotion is a bad thing- but it’s about time I get the life part down…
{I haven’t forgotten my 365, I’ve just decided to start posting them in weekly shots… And, as gorgeous as this photo is, I’d love to take credit for it, but it’s actually from the happy pill, at wordpress dot come.}

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Authenticity, granted…

This morning is the first day, all week, that I’ve had a moment at my computer…

Truthfully, I sort of love that I don’t have computer moments every day. Even more truthfully though, as a writer, i really should…
It’s that ever-questing strive for balance. It’s my inability to juggle everything- like wholesome cooking, laundry, errands, education, a business…
Don’t get me wrong, i love to write. I love, as sick as it sounds, to edit. I love it all. The process. The creativity. The sublimely euphoric feel that comes with it… Is born, again and again, because of it… BUT- i get distracted. Distractions like my ever mounting google reader and facebook.
I have decided to proceed no longer, with RDIM… It was a tough decision. I’ve loved it so much. I have loved the amazing experiences I’ve had, and people I have met through it. I am so grateful for the experience and the doors that it opened. It was a very short journey, at just under three years, but so much bigger than I’d ever thought. Owning a photography business is really rewarding and, if I wasn’t a homeschool mom AND a writer {first and foremost} i would continue it… The three things are each time consuming, and life sucking, on their own. I knew that I had to cut one and, though I struggled with the decision, it was the obvious choice. I have a wedding this weekend, for a dear friend, and a few miscellaneous appointments scattered throughout the next few weeks. January 31st is the last official day though… I’ve already began referring clients and each time I feel better about my decision.
I want to lead an authentic life, and I can’t do that if I’m not being honest with myself by taking on far more than I can handle. Managing many things, half heartedly, isn’t managing them at all. That’s what I’ve learned through all of this…
I am EXCITED for the next chapter in my life as a wife, mother and writer… A lot of things are happening, big changes are coming. Two thousand eleven is a BIG year for my family and i really hope you’ll come along…

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photo courtesy of Get Entreprenurial