Why hello, twenty-twelve…

Not much of a fan of resolutions, I do like to give each year a theme and make a list of goals. {2009 was Simplicity, 2010 was Happiness, 2011 was living Authentically…} 
If you’ve been reading here long, it probably won’t surprise you that my theme for 2012 is: 
Health
By health, of course, I mean body/spirit/mind/relationships… 
After spending an entire week off, with Chw and the girls (granted, Amanda had to work, but I didn’t- which was my point) i’ve been thinking a lot about my goals in the year to come. With one girl heading off for training  education and adventure- and another one entering her teens- 2012 is sure to be a WILD ride of a year… 
Me and my health
– Cut back on wheat significantly, if not entirely. 
– Be more proactive with my naturopath. 
– lose at least one pound per week. 
Personal
– read, at least, one book a month FOR ME… 
– spend quiet/personal/devotional time, daily. 
– learn new things. 
– proceed fearlessly. 
– act intentionally, in everything. 
Professional
– Put an ending to Liar, and edit it. 
– QUERY!!!
– Attend a Writer’s Conference. 
– Be more disciplined about clearly dividing my work-at-home time and my home time. 
Financial
– Pay down debt significantly. 
– Increase my contributions. 
– Give more, and regularly. 
– Spend more thoughtfully/justifiably. 
Marital
– Plan with, dream with, talk with, pray with Chw- weekly. 
– Retreat, for a weekend, over both anniversaries. (April and November) 
– Conscience, constant efforts to respect him. 
As a Mother
– laugh with. 
– pray for.
– once again, educate.
– make effort to bridge the distance gaps. 
– make the in-present moments matter. 
As for hopes, I really hope that 2012 holds- 
– a book deal, (of course)!
– a vacation. 
– time with all three of my kids, together, in one location. 
– 365 days of everyone in my family remaining safe in body, heart and mind.
– less hardship and struggles than the last 3 years have held, for our family and extended family.
Do you have goals, hopes and plans for the new year? 
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Unexpected…

I decided to take part, this morning, in Gypsy Mama’s 5 Minute Friday… 

GO… 
Through pregnancy tests and losses- 
through ultrasounds and clean up surgeries- 
through increasingly cautious joy and broken hearts- I never imagined… 
I would hear it- God has a plan. And I would believe. 
I knew, on that day 11 years and 19 days ago when my womb was no longer even in me- that God’s plan did not involve a baby of my own. 
Less broken hearted than the loss of a child, I still ached. I also still believed. Believed in God’s plan. His unforeseeable plan that I could not even imagine. 
And then, there they were… 
Unexpectedly before me, all I had to do was look up, and there were beautiful faces and voices, laughter and smiles filling my hole bored heart. 
And life changed. 
No more was I my own, could I be mine. 
Without looking for signs and proof I knew that, no matter how steep the climb or tough the interference, these were meant to be mine and I loved them as if they were, as if they had always been. 
That’s the beauty of the walk- the journey. We feel our heart’s aches- and God hears them. God weaves these dreams together in ways that we could never design and gives us moments and memories unexpected and glorious. 
And those moments, for me, are my kids… 
END.
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And what do you do?

I was up most of the night, due to this crazy virus that won’t go away- and decided not to blog this morning. Something about you guys likely not wanting to read about the mucous laced details of my ultra romantic life and such. Instead I nestled down with my orange juice and laptop, to go through my reader, when I read one of my favorite bloggers, Ada over at Of Woods and Words who posted  about being a writer and expressing/describing that to others. 
Her post, and my own experiences in answering the dreaded questions really got me to thinking about how writers got the short end of the stick. If you work in payroll and someone asks you what you do for a living- it’s pretty simple: payroll. If you are a chef, also totally simple. Even my husband’s job, which is pretty complicated unless you are already familiar with his industry, is explained happily enough in a few sentences. 
I think that is why, back in ’08, it was so appealing to throw caution to the wind and start my own photography business. I loved it. i was doing it regularly for others anyway so why not do it professionally? But it did matter. It mattered because when the question came, Do you work? And I would answer that I did, I could say I own a photography business, and everyone was happy. 
Well, they were happy anyway. I wasn’t happy, so much, because first and foremost I AM a writer and due to booking photo fun, I wasn’t writing… I’ve already said all of that though. 
Instead once again the question comes, And Misty, What do you do? And I get to respond with, I’m a writer. And they force a smile, often wiry and self righteous, and say Oh? What do you write? 
And the spiraling and tumbling of Alice down the rabbit hole becomes my very existence…
Somehow a suitable answer never comes. 
Not one. 
I blog. Definitely not the answer they’d be happy with OR the truth really. 
Books. Oh? Can I see them at Barnes & Noble?
And on and on it could go. Worst case scenario nearly every time. 
It occurred to me that I answer the questions based on society rather than soul. Our American society places at the forefront of everything MONEY. Anyone who is a writer knows that writing and money aren’t really synonymous. For a true writer, it has never been about money, though the little bit of money we sometimes get is nice. I know this, and am one hundred percent ok with this until the dreaded questions come. Suddenly I clam up. I wrack my brain trying to sort it all and figure out what writing had paychecks attached, most recently. Well, i recently wrote an article for a publishing house. Before that I did a handful of press reviews. Freelance mostly. Whatever comes along. I’d love to finish my novel and have it published someday but you’ve got to pay the bills. 
Cue {weak, unsure} smile. 
And, end scene. 
CRAP
I may as well be a temp worker, unable to commit to an actual job. I instead fly by the seat of my pants and takes whatever comes along on days when I’m willing to get off my butt and work. Oh yeah, and there’s the idea of a ludicrous pipe dream too, hiding back there. For years I’ve thought that was way the world saw us writers but now, today, I am wondering if that’s not because it’s the way I’ve painted it? 
I mean, isn’t that how the majority of us learn to see the world? Through the words woven and splayed out for us, by writers? 
It’s kind of enough to make your head hurt, isn’t it? 
I’ve decided that I’m done playing that game. I am done answering, (or not answering, but verbally spiraling head first down a volcano)
Misty, do you work? 
I do, head held high, I am a writer
Oh. Well, what do you write? 
Right now I’m focusing on my novel. I have been doing freelance for years, but the novel is my top priority.
It’s true, and it sounds good to me. Then again, I am a writer so it would. The point is- I don’t care. I don’t care anymore what people think. If the day that magical book deal shows up, ever comes, all of the naysayers and condescenders will change their tune anyway so who cares what they think now? And like Ada, I write on what inspires me. That’s why I blog. It may change, with the wind, but I don’t have to explain that to anyone. 
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The ordinary…

It is in the exchange of simple, kisses in passing or grazing fingertips through doorways. 
Stretched out foot, in bed, reaching for his. Reassuringly it reaches back, touching. 
Cheek peck kisses, zipped up jacket and lunchbox in tow. 
Ordinary. 
I love my ordinary. My loud morning following by dirty breakfast dishes and silence. 
It is in those dishes that I know my home has family in it. Love in it. Warmth. 
In the morning’s oatmeal, more than fiber and belly warming happened. 
Ordinary. 
Cozy towels still evident with lingering dryer heat. 
Soft socks. 
DVD rentals and take out. To droves of hipsters and cynics this life is known as the boring life, the over life- The end. 
To me it is simply the ordinary. The goodness. The toothbrush, complete with toothpaste waiting for me because he brushed his teeth first. The coffee pot, full with steamy goodness waiting because one of us turned it on. 
The ordinary. My ordinary…
{For more Five Minute Friday, please go to the Gypsy Mama.}
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Maybe not forever, but even so…

I decided to take part in Five Minute Friday this morning. The theme is on Friends.


START. 
Every summer camp camp fire ended in the same sweet and lulling song, Friends are friends forever… 
But they aren’t. 
Despite the pledges and lifelong plans made at the age of sixteen. 
Despite the thousands of notes signed BFF. 
Despite the shared heart necklaces. 
And it’s a little sad. 
It is sad, to me, that something as natural as friendship- something we NEED even- has to be so hard. And as we get older, things don’t seem to get any easier. 
Few of us have good, true friends. Those of us who do could literally count those friends on one hand. 
I am fortunate enough to be one of those people. Someone with a handful of good friends. Ironically they aren’t really friends with each other. We don’t travel together, in a pack. There are no weekend retreats, the lot of us. We, the handful of us, are spread out across the country. 
Sometimes I want to feel sorry for myself about this. 
Sometimes I actually do. 
But the truth is, I am so lucky to have them. 
My life is better and far more meaningful. My sadnesses are far less dark and ugly. 
And I suspect that i too am better because of them. 
Friends may not be friends forever. Some friendships may time out or expire but it’s the having the true, authentic love of a good friend at all that matters anyhow.
END.
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