Category: marriage

Learning to laugh…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay18 Comments
When my eleven year old dreams of love and marriage, and of being a mother, someday- she envisions it with laughter engulfing everything. Not cruel laughter, at another’s expense, but genuine- soul filling laughter… I want that for her. I pray that for her… Even though her life hasn’t been a basket of fresh picked berries, she still doesn’t quite grasp how difficult life can be, and that’s ok with me. After all, she is only eleven. 
To make her odds of a laughter filled, balanced and happy home even better though, Chw and I need to learn to laugh more. Don’t get me wrong, we are fairly funny people and we do have our fair share of chuckle induced headaches… We certainly know how to many anything fun, and Genny has indeed learned that from us. That being said, however, we still need to bring more fun home. Above all else, our home needs to be a safe place where laughter warms our hearts and love is further born… 
Today, and throughout the weekend I will, in my 28 day challenge: 
– laugh. With my husband; as a family. 
– play together. 
– live in the now. 
– LOVE… 
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To be close…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay15 Comments
Within the first five years of our marriage, my sweet husband (who wasn’t always so sweet, in those days) would have these tender, night time moments where he would hold me so tightly and lay as close as humanly possible. I always knew these moments because there was something in him that was desperately searching and reaching. I always knew that this sentence would follow, and it warmed my soul- I just can’t get close enough to you…
As most everyone who reads this blog knows, we divorced in our fifth year of marriage and officially reconciled two years later… Our reconciliation wasn’t anything like the days of blissfully falling in love and dying to be together. Anyone who has been through something similar knows this. Divorce, and the details accompanying it, are painful and difficult. 
For the first couple of years, after our remarriage, I would often lay awake waiting for those moments of his yearning for closeness to happen, but they never did. It has been ten years since we remarried, in fact, and it hasn’t happened once. For a long, long time that reality messed with my head and this ugly voice in the back of my mind assured me that he didn’t want to be close to me. Somewhere though, along the journey of our lifetime together- I saw the truth. The truth was me… Before, in those first five years, I built myself behind such a vast and thick wall of self protection. It wasn’t me in body that he was desperate to be close to- it was me. The divorce and the reconciliation destroyed that fortress, and with it my need for preservation and safety. I am raw and real now, honest with him and 100% available… 
BUT it’s something i have to keep myself in check with. Life is hard and painful, and vulnerability leaves us often times feeling uneasy… 
Today i will, in my 28 day challenge to love: 
– be present and available, for my husband. I will carve out time, just for him, where we spend time talking about what he needs or wants me to listen to. We will dream out loud together. I will be completely present and attentive, to him. 
– I will make the time to touch base and connect with my kids. To hear their voices, and keep myself attentive to their needs. 
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the anatomy of a kiss…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay19 Comments

Something about the way life and it’s minutes and dreams are told- in our culture, through film, stories and music- has this way of making certain moments feel more real than they are. Like the on screen or lyrical kiss, for example. I wish that I had the science or technical details of how long people have found portrayals of the kiss, so moving. 

One day my daughter asked me why kissing was so special. Spitting definately is not special, and isn’t kissing just spitting into someone else’s mouth? Gross. And well, I found I couldn’t really argue with her elementary logic.  Instead I simply turned my head and smiled because I knew that someday she too would find her heart all knotted up over the idea of some dreamy eyed boy bequeathing to her, her first kiss. 
I’m a kisser, I’ll admit it.
I love kissing.
It seems like a funny thing for a 34 year old to talk about, but there it is. Not just that kind of kissing, either. My sister and I kiss on the cheek, I kiss my daughter and niece and nephews on the forehead about a thousand times a day. I find the fact that the British and upper class exchange cheek kissing to be something of which I envy them. It’s lame, I know… 
Most of all, though, I do love kissing my husband. 
I love the way I feel when my husband kisses me. 
One of my favorite movies is Baz Luhrman’s version of Romeo and Juliet. I adore that movie probably a little too much, a truth to which my little sister Jennie can attest. I love it from beginning to end, but along with every other lover of that film, one of my all time favorite scenes is the aquarium scene with Des’ree singing in the background. Singing about kissing someone home. 
Isn’t that simply the most lovely thought ever? 
Because a kiss should be so much more than an exchanging of spit and hormones. Maybe technically that is all it is, when you remove the heart of it all… (not that the hormone and spit part aren’t vital, of course). Anyone can do that, but I’m talking about the kisses with true heart and love as their driving force…
The REAL kisses… 
Today’s part of my 28 day challenge: 
– Today I plan to kiss my husband… And to kiss him home, with all of the love I can, into a home that is peaceful and nurturing. 
– To pray for my kids, that God keeps them safe and helps them feel warm and loved… Also, to pray for the people from here on out who will enter their lives, and possibly love them and one day may be the person kissing them goodnight. That those people will be nurtured and loved, learning themselves to love in beautiful, complete and healthy ways… 
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Challenged to Love…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay11 Comments
Love and Valentines day have always been some sort of bickering couple, in my eyes… While Valentines day seems to be all about spending money, either expensive gifts or the opposite end of the spectrum with corny gifts, and lots of pressure- love should always be the opposite. 
We aren’t big Valentines day people around here… Well, that’s not entirely true. We make the usual cards and heart shaped cookies, do the heart shaped breakfast, etc. Chw and I exchange cards and he’ll buy me flowers because he always does, and I’m ok with that. Even better, he brings them to me personally- not sending them anonymously. It’s simple and easy, and I love it. We don’t go out on a date. I make Genny chocolate covered strawberries and a card, every year. Her daddy brings her flowers and a balloon. It’s pretty much perfect and I’m totally happy with it. 
BUT- I look around me and I see that February, throughout this Hallmark tradition, has been deemed the month of LOVE. And that got me to thinking about real love. Real loving kindness and generosity. i need to give more of that… 
So this year I’m going to. i am making a Valentines Pledge, and anyone who reads this will be my witness (unless you join me. Then we’ll keep each other accountable.) 
I pledge to go above and beyond the comfort of myself to express love and appreciation to my family. To honor love, however love is given, and to make extra effort to ensure that my family feels loved and accepted. 
Day One: 
Communicate one unique reason why i love each of them, and spend at least 20 minutes of uninterrupted quality time with them. 
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Here comes the sun…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay3 Comments
Is there anything more symbolic in our society than a sunrise? It signifies so much. I, myself, have had many a sunrise moments where life seemed to get brighter and more beautiful after a darkish hell… I wouldn’t necessarily say that my life is in a darkish sort of hell right now, because it isn’t. My life is actually really great, but that’s a different story… It’s just that, well, the sunrise this morning reminded me that- every day, it’s going to come… 
Sometimes I need the silliest reminders… 
Though I’m not going to get into it in such a public manner, Saturday brought with it some very ugly things that I had to face. I spent the majority of the weekend with a massive knot in my gut and always on the verge of feeling like I was about to be sick at my stomach. Sleep, since then, has been rough… Dreams even worse… But then the sunrise this morning reminded me of everything in my life. Everything good and beautiful, as well as everything gritty and difficult. Life is full of bad, and if we let it that can be overwhelming. Life is full of good too, of great even. It’s just a matter of which we choose to look at… 
This morning I’m looking at the sunrise… 
This week I plan to: 
1} Read a book. (no, i did not do this last week… Gen got the chicken pox and everything sort of went down hill.) 
2} have fun with Genny. Good, quality fun. 
3} get creative, with Genny. 
4} cook 3 things/recipes I’ve never made before. 
5} get (at least) 2500 words of writing on the project, done. 
6} bake bread. (yes, i did do this last week, using my LAME breadmaker and it was awful. doing it by hand this time.) 
7} map out garden plan. 
8} hand write five notes/letters. 
9} try to forgive more. 
10} have a quality date night with Chw.
How’s your week looking? 
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