gratitude – Page 74

Doing the Friday dance…

Published on March 18, 2011 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay4 Comments

i haven’t been able to find a good chunk of time to work on the manuscript, in weeks, and I’m pretty sick over this… Just yesterday a girlfriend, at lunch, was reassuring me that I’ll always have my writing (or something like that, i forget) and I just cringed… Anyway, while my book sits collecting metaphorical hard drive dust, at least I’ve got blog posts, right? The one, from this week, that I am most proud of would be the one about my foster mom Julie. I have a photo of her, holding my adorably chubby Genny, sitting beside my bed. It has caught my eye every morning this week…

Bittersweet…

Moving on…

Best thing i stumbled across, on the web, was this post, which is absolutely WORTH the click… IT IS Great. Moving. Identifiable…

All week I’ve had things on my mind… The two most pressing were the situation in Japan, which is just so heartbreaking… And Lucas, who turned 22 on Sunday. We miss him so much and, of course, would rather he been home. Even so, we are so proud of him for his selflessness and willingness to serve our country. Plus he has kidney damage, which sucks…

Top five moments were:
1} uncomfortable but vital heart to heart discussions.
2} dinner and hanging out with those friends that are your forever friends.
3} going to a crazy, but fantastic interior design sale followed by an incredible bakery lunch, with a friend.
4} refinishing/recovering chairs with my husband.
5} finally finding a vegetarian cookbook that i love.

This week I’ve really been loving Satellite, by Guster. {If you aren’t familiar, I encourage a listen. SUCH a great track!}

Best recipe was definitely this Burrito Casserole… We had friends over and even though loved it.

For school we studied the judicial system, state government and did an indepth study of the Salem Witch Trials.

I’m reading All Is Vanity… I stumbled upon it, at the library, and was thrilled. Drowning Ruth is one of my favorite books. I am really excited to read it.

Next week I’m looking forward to birthdays. Spring break, swimming, birthday parties, friends, gift wrap, cake… What’s not to look forward to?

Stolen Words…

Published on March 10, 2011 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay11 Comments

I have been incredibly blessed to have some truly genuine and thoughtful friends, throughout my life. Though I know I often fall incredibly short of the goal line, I strive to learn by their examples. Countless gifts and moments shower my memory, but there was one such instance that actually rendered me speechless…

It was the Monday after Mother’s Day, 2002.

Mother’s Day was a bittersweet day for me, in those days. Though I adored my birth mom and foster mom, I couldn’t help but feel myself aching and lost in a sea of happy mothers and smiling, chubby babies. It had only been a year since my hysterectomy and, at 26 years old, the majority of my social circle was at the height of their family growing. To make my achingly empty arms a bit more complicated was the fact that 2000 miles away there were three kids whom I loved as powerfully and as much as if they were my own.

Truth be told, Mother’s Day felt like a giant slap in the face.

There were rare moments when Chw would catch a look on my face and embrace me in that way that only he could, because in our world he was the only one closest enough to understanding. Beyond him though, I couldn’t really share any of that with anyone. Who would I tell? The pregnant friends? The friends with their own diapered little babies? It was my own burden to bare. That year though, I had a friend with her own bittersweet woes. She had a beautiful little baby girl, whom the sun truly rose and set in. But, less than a year before she had also lost her mom to cancer.

This friend and I had a friendship born out of similar interests and a fairly unique bond. It was one to two times a week that we would get together to watch movies, talk or do Bible study and pray. That Monday, following that Mother’s Day, was one such day.

I arrived at her home, and stirred my coffee…

I held and played with her baby girl, whom I adored so much…

We chit-chatted about our weekends, she shared a bit of how hard the holiday had been for her. Tears were shared- and then the animated eyes, of this friend of mine, lit up. I have something for you, wait right there! She exclaimed, as she bounded up her stairs.

She returned with a gift- a basket of lotions and cremes- and a handmade card.

A Mother’s Day card. Within it, my friend who possessed such a gift for words, told me of the mother I was already and the great one I’d some day be. She thanked me for loving her baby, for being her friend.

I had no words, only emotions I couldn’t quite name.

Sometimes the accent says it best…

Published on February 28, 2011 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay10 Comments

Cup of tea in hand, I am writing to you with a British accent to tell you how pleased I am with the King’s Speech. Truly, truly gloriously thrilled… And yes, congratulations abound to the other winners as well. But to Colin most specifically, I love you…

Moving on- life is funny sometimes. By funny I do not mean comically funny, (though it is sometimes that) as much as ironic, or what have you. Back in January when I decided to devote February to this challenge of loving my family, life looked one specific way and today, as this month comes to a close, it looks entirely different. Some 28 days ago, I was more happy-go-lucky and less deep-in-thought. Some twenty-eight days ago, it was just Chw, Genny and I dancing our way through this silly house. We were teetering on the edge of becoming foster parents and stepping our way towards adopting again. My mother was pre-opping for a surgery that would restore her quality of life and my older two kids were moving along on their separate paths towards greatness.

Things were good.

Today I am processing from a weekend where my mother ended up in the ER following a 21 day journey which has led her through over a week in ICU, three weeks of delirium and confusion, dangerously low bouts of blood pressure and oxygen, touch and go nights, a transition into a rehabilitation program and lastly a pulmonary embolism landing her back in the hospital.. . The common question on our minds, these days, whenever my mom comes to mind is: Will she ever be the same again? Her again? Thus far, there are no answers, only head scratching.

Also, over this weekend, my oldest daughter moved home. Although this sounds ordinary enough, anyone who truly knows our family knows this was a development no one saw coming. On an entirely different note, a dear girl who nannied for us last year is also coming to stay with us for a time. A quiet house of three, (except for the two noisy dogs) is about to get quite full, and much to Chw’s dismay, incredibly estrogen filled.

Major developments and changes are coming to the lives of our nieces and nephews, whom we love as our own. Some heartbreakingly sad (for us), some wonderful… All in all, it’s tough to be here in the sidelines…

And then, there is the matter of my Sunday afternoon coffee with my future daughter in law. She is beautiful and bright, and as awkward as the circumstances may be, meeting her was a highlight. She has a 2 year old son that Chw & I also look forward to getting to know, even if our son is serving in the Army away from home. It’s a strange idea, getting to know his someday bride and stepson, especially when ninety-nine percent of their relationship has been long distance. Then again, it’s a strange idea that, at 34, I could be this little boy’s step-grandmother. That’s the funny thing, I guess, about our journey of loving and being blessed with kids who are not biologically ours. Though, don’t burst Genny’s bubble if you run into her and she tries to flaunt that my son was born when I was thirteen years old. She likes to make us sound so controversial… ;)

I’ve been looking at my family quite a bit, this weekend. Even if, from a distance… Looking at my amazingly strong husband; at my brave and maturing son; at my beautiful daughter with her responsibility and stubborness and at adorable little Genny, who put on eye liner at a sleepover and looked less adorable and way less little when we picked her up- sadly… I’ve been looking at my mom, and her life… Looking at my sister and her children. Lots of looking… Lots of gratitude… Lots of loving.

I am blessed. Amidst the ICU and Emergency Room phone calls, amidst the long distance threats of deployment and awkward Starbucks introductions, I am blessed…

Today I will, in my 28th day of this challenge:

– Keep looking. Keep thanking. Keep loving…

My entire family completes me, grows me, matures me and makes me a better person- every day. Every single thing about me that you might find good is because of my husband and/or these kids…