Category: gratitude

four thousand, two hundred and ninety seven…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay7 Comments
Dearest Best Friend of mine,

Split between Boise and West Virginia we have boxes containing the volumes of our friendship. With post marks stamped in eight different states, you and I have documented actual lifetimes. I had no idea, those years ago, that we would journey together, the way that we have.

Over the course of eleven years, two hundred and seventy nine days- we really have grown up together, it seems.

In my darkest, emptiest and most broken of days- you came in and forged a friendship with me like none I had ever had before. Over those 4297 days of friendship, (!!!!) I have learned so much from you. You have walked beside me through my hardest journeys.
Through literal life and death scares,
infertility,
divorce,
heart break,
facing my step father,
cancer scares,
my hysterectomy,
the affects of adultery,
blake,
reconciling my marriage,
the loss of my grandmother,
the loss of my mom Julie,
countless jobs,
moving out of state (seven times)
getting to know my real father,
the broken hearted rejection of my real father,
falling in love with my kids,
RAD hell,
dealing with difficult family,
broken friendships and accompanying heartbreak,
James,
the journey of writing my first novel
the never ending journey of finding myself and so, so much more…
We’ve shared movies, music, books, memories, vacation, countless phonecalls, obsessions…

I am so grateful, Deb, for the beautiful, brave and admirable woman you are. You’ve advised gently and then stood by holding my hand whether I followed your direction or not. You are the only person who has ever seen all of me, and not chosen to walk away or pass judgement. You truly are the only person to never leave me and I can not even tell you how unbelievably grateful I am for that.

One day, hopefully really far from now, someone will come across our friendship on paper. I hope my gratitude and love for you shows in my words. I pray, as our daughters continue to grow more and more into themselves, that they find a friendship like ours some day. A truly safe place that will last forever…

Thank you, Debbie, for being my safe haven. Thank you for being my sounding board. Thank you for making fun of things with me. Thank you for our brief stint in detective work and email hacking. Thanks for covering for me, when I needed it- {and covering me when I needed that too.} Thank you for loving my kids, even without knowing them personally, from the very beginning.
Thank you for never judging me, for never forgetting me, for loving me even though I love Dave Matthews, Edward Cullen and don’t have a kindle.
Thank you for being that friend that I can share all of my secrets with, cry to, laugh hysterically with, be one hundred percent me with and revert to jr. high mentality with…

From the bottom of my heart, always… 
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POST SCRIPT~ Congratulations to Katie’s Calamaties and Lisa of Two Bears Farm for winning copies of Alice Bliss… :) 

Our Girl…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay5 Comments
There are so many things that I have no clue how to do. 
So many things I am not, at all, good at. 
Dealing with heartbreakingly sad things is one of them… 
I’ve been told I go one of two ways. 
I either completely shut down, OR I become the robot dealer. 
Several weeks ago when we came to the hard realization that there was something seriously wrong with our sweet golden retriever Makaila- Chw and I had the talk. We hypothetically made all of the hard decisions so that when the time came- we wouldn’t selfishly go to whatever extent possible to prolong a dying life. It was sad, and teary- but still hypothetical. 
Yesterday morning Chw went for his bike ride and then came home and made blueberry pancakes for his girls. He went in to work late because he had to take Makaila to the vet, as the medicine prescribed was not working. I was staying behind to take Amanda to the airport as she was scheduled to fly to Vegas for her best friend’s wedding. 
It all went downhill following the pancakes… 
Majorly delayed flights. Work issues. School stresses. Cancer. 
My dog has cancer. 
The vet assured us that there are options though. 
A medication that could give us about 3 months. 
A $4000 surgery that could give us close to 10 months. 
Neither of those feel like options, honestly. 
To the world she is just a dog. 
To us, she is a part of our heart. She was the sweet baby puppy we adopted when we knew we’d never have a child of our own and that we needed to move on. 
To our youngest, she is the best friend who has been there since she came to be our daughter. 
The idea of home without her feels nothing like home at all. 
We are in an impossibly sad place- and as hard as it all feels, we’ve decided to celebrate the beautiful girl she is, and has been for us. We have a week or two- and over those days we are going to make sure her days are filled with things she love, that help her feel loved. We have been so blessed with such an amazing pet. She has protected us, loved us faithfully, cheered us up, nurtured our heart breaks and created a trillion and a half amazing memories… 
Send your positive energy, thoughts and prayers for us please… 
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And I’ll show you mine…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments
The other day I wrote this post, about Home and the idea of homemaking. Since then I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that I feel make my house feel like home… I thought I’d put together a little list…

– good quality lamps. (I hate overhead lighting.) And, if you ask my husband, I have too many lamps.

– various pillows, throws and blankets, in a variety textures.

– family photos. You learn it in attachment parenting- but it’s important for family members to get that visual sense of belonging… I keep photos of my kids everywhere. They remind me of my overflowing cup…

– Color!!! {!!!!}

– beautiful books. I don’t know why, and minimalists everywhere will cringe, I am sure.

– a scent I love. It could be a candle, or through a scentsy pot… I prefer Scentsy and have various pots and plug ins through the house.

– fragments of our family. Maybe it’s keepsakes, starfish from the beach, pottery from New Mexico, etc. As far as I am concerned, it does not have to fit into a theme- it’s about our family…

– a pet. I know a lot of people aren’t animal lovers and that is fine, but we are and our home really is complete (Cue sappy Jerry Maguire music here) because of them.
– Family heirlooms… 

– a personal space… whether it is to read, to write letters or to work on something more artistic. Everyone needs a corner. {In case you need a reminder, mine is HERE!!!! }

– lavender… I know, I’ve said it before, but I really do believe it helps us sleep better.

– a variety of cozy, warm beverages to sip from or to offer to guests.

A few of you said the things about your home that made it “yours” the other day… Being that I love home stuff, these were some of my favorite comments and emails. Taking it one step further, I’d love to read your lists… :)

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Good Morning, me…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay10 Comments
I couldn’t sleep last night. 
I couldn’t even pinpoint why. I was just, completely, wide awake. 
When I finally gave up trying, I crawled from bed and began my morning routine- to which I now do without any trouble at all. 
I washed my face. 
I poured a cup of coffee. 
As a special, first day of school, treat- I put cinnamon rolls in the oven to rise, before baking. 
I read for awhile. 
When it was time, my family began bustling and moving about. 
We talked. 
We ate breakfast. 
I watched Genny, my baby, put together the clothing ensemble she’s been stressing about for weeks. 
She flat ironed her hair. 
She donned blue eye shadow and a pale pink lip gloss. 
She grabbed her lunch money, her back pack and hopped in the car. 
Nervously, 7 minutes later, she finally took a deep breath and climbed down to the pavement. 
You’ll have such a great day, I assured. 
I hope so, she sighed– obviously unsure suddenly. 
She ascended up the steps as I backed from my parking space. 
She stopped and turned, waving at me, she blew a kiss and mouthed “I love you.” 
It was not until that moment that I even felt like I wanted to cry- and by the time I realized it the tears were hot upon my cheek. 
It is this part of the routine I don’t know. 
The house quiet part. 
The time on my hands part. 
This might take some time… 

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