gratitude, journey

Finally learning how to love…

I have been forced to consider, lately, what sort of blogger I want to be.

I love blogging. i love reading them and the sense of community that develops among bloggers. I’ve seen fellow bloggers move mountains to help one another in times of need, in ways that face to face community dwellers seem to fail at- these days… i am proud to be a blogger.
The sort of blogger I want to be is an authentic one. Firm in who I am, and what I believe. Honest, not pompous, about me…
While pondering all of these deep things, lately, {like blogging, closing the doors of my business, how to further grow our family, etc…} I came across something which struck me in a completely profound way… You see, I was feeling immensely guilty because I hadn’t made specific quiet time to read or pray in a week. I knew these feelings were my own issue because God is not a god of guilt, but i also knew that things would go more smoothly if I would make the time. {Making the time seems to be my constant struggle, in all areas} Rather than pressuring myself with “homework”, to catch up on my reading, I just picked up where I left off- still feeling that nagging guilt eating away at my spirit.
And then, there it was: We are called to love God and to love others. it is in the evidence of how we love others as to whether or not we are truly loving God. Furthermore, loving God is not about an emotion at all, but about a commitment to put God first.
Wow. While I am sure there are many of you thinking “yeah, and? Get to the point.” my point is, WOW. All of these years i’ve feared (again, the fear part comes from me, I get it) that my heart wasn’t loving (emotion) God enough… My fickle heart has fallen obsessively in love with a movie, band or designer handbag (I’m sorry!) and worried that my new favorite thing would push God out of the lead contender position, for my love.
i have been so wrong. Even when I made the most horrible mistakes, God blessed me with an amazing husband and three of the most beautiful kids in the world. When I’ve been financially irresponsible, I’ve still always had a home and every other need. I’ve been loving God with my heart for so long, hoping beyond hope that I had it right- and I’m not saying loving God with emotion is a bad thing- but it’s about time I get the life part down…
{I haven’t forgotten my 365, I’ve just decided to start posting them in weekly shots… And, as gorgeous as this photo is, I’d love to take credit for it, but it’s actually from the happy pill, at wordpress dot come.}

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9 thoughts on “Finally learning how to love…”

  1. Being authentic and firm in who you are seems like it would be easier than it is, doesn't it? I remind myself of that a lot when I am writing (to be *real*, not over think). Your post reminded me of this tweet that I favorited recently by Rick Osborne,"Your Faith isn't something you display when it's appropriate. If your Faith is who u are, it should be really hard to hide."Love that. And I think your authenticity shines through. :)Melissa~

  2. "loving God is not about an emotion at all, but about a commitment to put God first"LOVE THAT. I am trying to teach my nine year old about worship and church, (not his favorite things) And this is something that he can and will understand.

  3. The greatest commandment, according to Jesus… "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength."There are so many ways to love… and knowing that you love God is just as real a love as feeling like you love God."And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself." You're right that showing love for others is an outward sign of our love for God.

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