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Fly, Fly Away…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay6 Comments

www.rainydayinmay.com

Five Minute Friday is upon us again, and this is where I’d love to put some clever remark about time going so quickly- especially with the writing prompt for today! The truth is that, for me, this week has seemed to last forever… If this is your first time seeing a Five Minute Friday post, our lovely host Kate gives a writing prompt, we free flow write for 5 minutes and then link up with others. Now that we all know what’s happening here, lets begin:

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This week’s prompt made me cringe a little, to be honest. I am a little surprised that I reacted that way.

As the word danced around my mind I saw, in slow motion, the transition it took. From my distaste for flying in air planes, to the unwanted summer pests that grate my nerves. My mind began to play, like a jukebox paid by suggestion, the Foo Fighters. As if bleeding slowly, through it all, a remorse seeped in over the lack of funds available to buy the airline tickets I really should buy.

A trip to the Southwest to see dear family friends… And endless supply of tickets to Seattle to spend time with my son, his beautiful wife and their captivating little daughter…

She turns two next weekend, and though I adore her and feel so absolutely blessed to be her mimi, I daily grow to despise this distance between us so much.

This, of course, brings me to time.

Time flies.

Long weeks aside, it truly does… A baby born turns two and the minutes I have spent with her are nominal- and she doesn’t even really know my voice.

And this makes me sad…

Does my time pass quickly on the current of sadness? Sad songs, sad distance, sad news, sad expenses, sadness over the growing list of things I truly desire to do, and do not.

Does the flow which is joy driven move more swiftly, or is it easier traveling that way, to savor and take the lovely in? Perhaps the sadness is just easier because it is more honest? I imagine that raft is simpler to board.

And maybe I just have attention deficit, unable to stay on one track, to focus on one aspect of this word which I am tasked to write today- instead a parade of perspectives fly with the speed of light, through my mind.

{Fun fact, which made me smile- Black and Blue Bird, a new song by Dave Matthews, came on while I was writing this. As I was typing the words, he sang the speed of light. These are the little God-nod moments which I tuck into my heart to carry with me.}

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Thanks for stopping by! On Fridays I put out a weekly email. The writing is a bit more personal and I share a list of the five things I really loved this week, along with some exclusive content/news that will only be shared there. It is one of my favorite parts of friday because the interactions that happen with my subscribers is the best! If you don’t get my Friday email, you absolutely should! AND, for subscribing you get a free guide to embracing your story and a self-care guide! It’s a win/win, plus it helps me connect with you, which is why we’re here in the first place, isn’t it??

(Speaking of personal… Episode 6 of the Collective podcast is live! We’re chatting with Maegy as she shares her journey through being adopted, dealing with attachment issues and transitioning into being a mom and wife. Authentic and beautiful, our little Collective community is so glad she shared!)

What Spring has brought with her…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments

www.rainydayinmay.com

When I signed up to Let Go, this year, I really had no idea of the things that would be asked of me.

I would say that, while this is probably a truth that has applied to all of my WOtY’s, this year has all at once stung incredibly and also been so restorative. Now, it is June. We are at a half way point and I find myself reflecting on this journey. Here in Michigan we’ve had about eleven seconds of true spring, following the twenty years of winter… (While you may be learning that I can sometimes exaggerate, this is something I’ve known for a good, long while.)

Spring is nearly out the door, making way for Summer, and I am reflecting along with my favorite Emily, about what Spring has shown me…

The vision/dream my heart has held for so eternally long really can be mine… I’ve read all of the little memes about believing in yourself, I’ve read the books and seen the lectures. But then, at some point this Spring I finally followed through with a project that was two years, (and let’s be honest, a lifetime) in the making and opportunities/possibilities just spilled forth. It took those things happening to make me realize this vision wasn’t a fantasy, it was a grand design. It may look differently than the ways I’ve dreamed, but that just means it will be better and more suited to my truth.

The internet has made me a terrible book reader… Goodness, have I ever written more truer words? It is terrible! I’m trying to change it, honest! I have sat the book I’m attempting to read, on my table every day this week. I naively tell myself that will remind me. I pencil READ onto my to-do list. Instead I spend all of the moments I have on the computer. Yes, it is work, and necessary, but where are the boundaries? Where is the balance? (And why does the internet have so much access to so many great things? (And do I really need to have/learn/do all of the great things right now? NO. And yet…))

People that are loved and trusted can tear us down in their climb up to finding their own worth. Not all of them, but the love and trust doesn’t make them exempt… this is probably the most sad part about my let go journey. Relational losses are always difficult and at first I wasn’t sure it would be a full-fledged loss. I could not imagine it and certainly did not want it. I’d been too close to the situation to see the very toxic negativity that was continually being directed at me. I sat back and trusted the journey that God had me on and daily there was negative opposition that tore me down a little more.Others saw it, my breaking and the reasons, but I couldn’t. Afterword, the shock of the loss seemed incomprehensible, but the sudden weightlessness of the journey felt so free. This is what they call bittersweet, I suppose. I harbor no resentments, as I said very early that whoever is supposed to be here, will be & likewise, whoever is not will not be. There is peace in seeing that I truly did surrender myself to trusting that and in the lesson learned valuable things.

I don’t love rewatching movies as much as I used to… Oh, I really used to. There are a handful of movies that I have watched hundreds and hundreds of times. Now, in this season, I am seeing that I’m growing more selective about watching much, and the concept of rewatching sounds beyond underwhelming.

Stress really does hurt… I have been watching my husband’s stress levels rise to such levels that not only is he no longer able to do that thing which he loves the most (run), but his body is broken down to such a point that he is constantly ill. This man has literally gone years without so much as a sniffle. It is all so sad to see.

Sometimes it takes another person’s difficult season to put our own into perspective… This year I have walked along several people who are in absolutely shattered seasons of their life. I ache so terribly for them, and find myself with wider eyes, freer thoughts and a much heartier gratitude list than ever before.

I really find gratification in an empty DVR… {also- that I don’t need a DVR} I enjoy escaping with a show and snuggle down with the husband as much as anyone. I don’t feel tv is the devil, and I’ve never been anywhere near a slave to my DVR. Even so, I’m feeling much the same way about tv as I am movies…

Tulips are toxic for dogs… I learned this because my passionate love of fresh flowers and my sweet little (almost 1-year-old) Golden Elenor believed they were meant to be her snack… So she ate tulips. And it was intense, and stress filled, and most importantly- she is ok. Thus concludes the story of how this flower loving girl will never have tulips around, again.

So many people are ready to burst, needing to share their journey with someone and continually finding no one who cares… Every single day this lesson grows bigger.

Motherhood is quite possibly the kryptonite, to my life... More than anything, as a girl, I wanted a mother to mother me. More than anything, as I was older, I manually moved whatever mountains I had to, to become one. Miscarriages, surgeries, medication, procedures, foster care, failed adoptions and finally, being a mom… But that motherhood journey, for me, never had a solitary moment of peace. It was one painful struggle after another. I’ve spent an adulthood waiting for it to be that thing I’ve always believe Motherhood would be.

I have never thought I would be the rehome my dog type… And yet, this has become a daily discussion. We have a dog that grows more and more special needs, by the day. With a chronic illness, traveling (for work) husband and limited financial resources- we are at a loss. Many (MANY) nights she keeps us up with her manic behavior, which now consistently all day as well, and it is just growing worse. I am sad, so so sad to even consider. (And so overwhelmed as to how.)

I am tired… which could be the culmination of all the things, and the real blame for why I’m not reading. Truth is, I’m too tired to figure any of that out! Ha!

It’s Friday, I’m in love…

Published on by Mae @ RainydayinmayLeave a comment

Happy Friday, lovely readers…

I cannot believe that next Friday it will be June. JUNE?!?!? How in the world did that happen?

This week has been overwhelming! I have met, read letters from and had phone calls with so many brave women. Some of them are reading this post. (thank you, I truly do value you) My heart has never been more full of gratitude and an unfathomable amount of love before. The journeys, the bravery, the uniqueness of women… So many different details, and yet most of their paths have (at one point or another) led to the same pit of shame and isolation. Your path, my path. While we are all wishing we’d vacationed in the same, all-inclusive, tropical resort- it is instead the secret place of shame we have all shared experience with.

This is both sad, and unifying. This walk is sometimes so dark and lonely, but the more we share- I am so glad we get to walk together…

By Thursday evening I had put forty-seven hours of work in, between writing and podcast related things. When I reflect back on the week, it’s a little challenging to sort through the work stuff to remember the best parts, beyond that because the truth is- the work is the best part.

I am nothing if not relentless, so, I managed to have five things to share with you:

  1. This blog post, was lovely. While I read quite a few great things around the web, throughout the week, this one really resonated and stuck with me.
  2. There hasn’t been a lot of sleep this week. (no, that isn’t something I have loved…) I did manage to finish (finally) Season Two of Divorce (HBO) finish the latest season of The Great British Bake-off (Netflix) and watch Evil Genius (Netflix) and true story: The final episodes of one of them made me cry like a baby. If you can guess correctly, you’ll get a gold star! (sidenote: Though not a clue to my challenge in the sentence below, i did want to say that I really do love anything Mark Dupless does. Pure talent!) (also- I tried really hard to love Masterpiece’s Little Women, but I just couldn’t. I was 100% sure it would make this list, but I could only make it through 2/3rds of the first episode.)
  3. A sweet friend urged me to go to her house and cut a bunch of lilac to bring home. It has smelled exquisite here since Monday!
  4. I have a pretty love/sad-disappointment relationship with Sophie Kinsella’s books. For my birthday my friend sent me this one, and I finally began reading it this week. I’m a little ways in and, though I really do like the style and maturity her writing has gained, the actual subject matter has me bristling a bit. I’m hoping it gets better…
  5. I love a good mask, there is no secret there… And while I typically talk pretty regularly about face mask stuff, I fail to mention how much i LOVE a good hair mask. My favorite is this one. You should absolutely try it. You’re welcome.

As always, i would love to hear what you’ve loved this week. Most of your answers tend to come to me as email replies. Thanks for subscribing and reading, however you choose! This will be the last “traditional” Friday post, (wah wah) and it’s number 33. Perfectly imperfect number to transition with, don’t you think? (in case you’re curious, it was about a year.)

 

 

 

A hodgepodge dabble…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay6 Comments
From this Side of the Pond
I decided to dabble in a little something new, so today I am participating in a fun little Wednesday thing, over here… Basically, 6 questions are asked, and I’ll answer. Pretty easy, right?

1. What would you say is your biggest day to day challenge?

time management is easily my biggest day-to-day challenge. I have truly important (and sometimes admirable) to-do lists, where everything really matters, to some degree… But I struggle most often with managing the time and not losing myself in the tasks. Often what gets cut is my writing time…

2. May 16th is National Biographers Day. What’s a biography you really enjoyed reading? Is this a genre you read regularly?

While it isn’t actually a biography, anyone who reads here or listens to the podcast must be so sick of hearing about this, but I am full-on OBSESSED with Chrissy Metz autobiography/memoir. OBSESSED. (I have also enjoyed biographies written about Zelda Fitzgerald quite a bit!) I love memoirs, personal essay collections and really solid literary novels.

3. How important is keeping a clean house? Do you need to de-clutter your life?

I have a “lived in” home, but it stays pretty clean and organized, for the most part. I have a couple of seasons a year where I’ll do a big declutter, but do honestly try to stay on top of it because I firmly believe that only surround myself with things I either love or need is the best way to a quality and peace filled life.

4. You’re the 8th dwarf. What’s your name?

Ha! Snarky… (but only if I’m super close and comfortable with the 7 others.)

5. What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?

I think being able to look back and see direct trails (like connect-the-dots) leading from one bit to the next. Also, that, at 42, I still feel like that 22-year-old in my head. I don’t have it together, I’m not much wiser than then, I still have dreams and discover new passions. At 22, I always thought by now I’d be wise and stable, so mature in my brain, but I am just not…

This came about in a conversation with my husband, over the weekend. He, soft voiced and hesitant, confessed this very thing, and I had to laugh as reassuringly as possible. I wonder what it is that makes us believe we won’t still be us in 20-30 years? It gives me an all new perspective on my grandparents, before they passed, and on the elderly people I interact with regularly at my mother’s memory care facility.

6. Insert your own random thought here.

Sometimes I watch the Great British Bake-off and I’m blown away by so many elements of it. I think about how it’s probably the wisest and best “entertainment” to help us become better people… Other times, I watch it and while I love it, I admit that I had NO CLUE what I was thinking…

You asked for random.

I’m also wondering how one goes about getting a summer intern. I’m also unable to think about little beyond if I am going to be moving soon. I want to move. I totally DO NOT want to move. Adulthood is complicated, no?

(also… Don’t forget to read my CRAZY little story, and then enter to win a $50 Target gift card!)

Things I have learned this week…

Published on by Mae @ RainydayinmayLeave a comment

This has been a serious week for learning and waking this morning really has me pondering many of those things. As I brewed coffee I thought I’d take a few minutes before a friend arrives to jot down the array of lessons… (I know, two lists in a row. My fellow list lovers might be cheering while the rest of you toss your hands up and question our very existence… It’s ok, together we will make it through.)

  • I am part of an AWESOME class/group and after meeting together yesterday, I have seriously had that wisdom flooding my every thought.
  • A coffee grinder will be much more affective when grinding beans, if it is plugged in.
  • Forgetting to give your neurologically needy dog her nighttime anxiety meds is a really bad thing, especially when a gigantic thunder-storm shows up to serenade the dark hours… (poor Emma)
  • Clinique eye cream for puffy eyes is wonderful, and totally my best friend today… (As will be a nap, despite the insane volume of coffee I seem to be consuming.)
  • speaking of dogs, healthy outside time is AMAZING after four weeks of unhealthy and terrible dog-sickness. It felt like a never ending form of hell, but it turns out to be that a probiotic recommended to us is not ideal for dogs and it was affecting their stomach lining. We’re on the mend and I am beside myself with relief. (I have PTSD when it comes to sick dogs, you guys. It’s a real thing.)
  • outdoor writing spaces are the best. Seriously.
  • open windows, (when the weather outside is open-window-weather) might be my new favorite thing.
  • It is possible to walk into the Pottery Barn/Williams Sonoma outlet and only spend $8.
  • Seeing things you love through your husband’s eyes/perspective can be so cool. (also, sometimes, annoying… But in this case, it’s cool.)
  • When people who love you keep urging you towards something because they see how badly it is affecting you, consider their words.
  • Video chat is fun. Video chat with several people is more fun.
  • When we listen and stick to our path, there is affirmation all around. I am more in awe of this every day, this past month.
  • Honor the people you have loved. Don’t slander them when you are angry. Don’t act beneath you to “get back at them”. We are all better than that, and you only hurt yourself really…
  • There is no too late. A really amazing story was shared with me, this week, about a woman whose husband passed away when she was sixty, in 2006. She stepped in, after having always been a housewife and mother, to take over his auto business. (that is 2006, you guys. Right before the economy tanked, right before the automotive industry took a plummet. Right before nearly the entire state of Michigan surged into a state of shock/trauma/ruin) This business has grown, blossomed, she now speaks and encourages others in their businesses… This whole story is beyond amazing to me!
  • Adult people can decide not to make dinner, and it’s ok. The world will keep spinning. This is a concept I don’t think I have ever really considered. If we are hungry, we will figure it out. (seriously, and super sadly- mind-blowing.)
  • We are surrounded by really amazing women because we women are amazing. Sometimes connecting with them, when they come to your mind, is something they desperately needed.
  • there are some really interesting jobs out there and sometimes they might call you, out of the blue. That doesn’t mean you have to take it, (i didn’t) but it is super cool to be wanted!
  • Just. In addition to my revelation about the negativity of the word too, a conversation with a friend yesterday turned me on to the negativity attached to the word just, especially for women. Wow.
  • When the weather calls for Sunshine and 82 out, it’s probably going to rain and have a high of 48- just sayin’…
  • And lastly… When getting dressed, on little to no sleep (thanks, Emma!) if you put on the first layer of a summer dress, and then after not really feeling the dress once the second layer is on- make sure to remove both layers before throwing a long tee over your leggings and taking the dog for a nice walk… (true story. As we were getting home, and my friend pulled up, I realized I had essentially walked around my subdivision in leggings, a black slip and a Lu La Roe perfect shirt. It was awesome… need more coffee.)