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The Wednesday Podge…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay7 Comments
Hello and happy Wednesday to you!
I wasn’t sure if I’d be doing the Hodge link up this week, to be honest. I’m “nursing” a bit of a mysterious back injury and coming down off of a spring cold, which my husband generously shared…
One would think that a writer, suddenly forced to stay as “down” as possible would suddenly have so much time to work, but this is the first time I’ve been at my laptop since Saturday, and I think I was probably paying a bill then, not writing… The moral of this week’s story is that I am nauseated from the pain most of the time, and pretty miserable. There hasn’t been any reading, any writing. It’s a little sad.
If you’re new to this and you’re wondering what in this world this Hodgepodge thing is all about, every Tuesday six questions are posted over at From This Side of the Pond, and on Wednesday those of us participating answer them, link up and then visit one another. I’ve “met” some very lovely writers like this, and it is fun to participate when I can!

From this Side of the Pond

1. What happens to the mail at your house? I ADORE handwritten cards and letters, and still have a few friends who share the affection. Those gems are treasured, by me. The majority of our mail is garbage, and since we live in an area without recycling- (I know the controversy around it all, anyway) the junk just gets tossed.

2. Something you always splurge on? Any guilt associated with the splurge? Oh! This is a great question… Hmmm. I always have money on my Starbucks app, even though I don’t particularly like their coffee. Sometimes I spend a good chunk of time, in a day, out and their refreshers and teas are a nice treat. With the app I earn points towards free drinks… No guilt associated with the splurge as much as just habit. I also spend money on skin care and make up. Actually, even more than these things are blowouts. IF I HAD MY WAY, I would get one a week. They are HEAVENLY, but I tend to get them when I can. It is a splurge indeed, but it also makes my life easier. I do feel guilty, sometimes, because it seems indulgent.

3. There are many, but what are two important questions you think every bride and groom should ask/answer before they plan their walk down the aisle? One- “You know yourself better than anyone else, should a day arise when you suddenly seem to believe you never loved me and you want out of our marriage, what do you want me to say to you to anchor you in and bring you back down to reality?” Two- “What are off limit or uncomfortable topics for you?” Because partners NEED to be able to talk about everything…

4. What’s the best advice your father ever gave you? My foster dad probably gave me a lot of great advice and wisdom but there isn’t one particular thing that stands out.

5. Your favorite movie where a father features heavily in the storyline? I really love the movie Frequency. it has been a long time since I’ve seen it though, so while I remember a father weight, I’d have to say that my absolute favorite movie that features heavy fatherhood themes would be Elizabethtown.Being a girl who was raised without a father, and with a super abusive/unhealthy father figure until I was 12 and went into foster care, it’s not a subject I really relate to. This is probably pretty evident in these choices… (I also really love A Love Song for Bobby Long which is a pretty obscure father film, but it stands out for me.)

6. Insert your own random thought here. This weekend, on Father’s Day, my beautiful grand-daughter will turn 2. My mother just turned 71 last week, and on Monday my little sister turned 39. My older daughter turned 28 a few days ago. While none of these are the typical milestone ages, I find myself feeling really overwhelmed with these numbers. Perhaps it is that I am away from that sweet baby girl, my daughter and also my sister. Maybe, even though I can see my mother any time I want, Alzheimer’s has kind of taken her away too. Maybe these life celebrations just feel increasingly heavier as the distance between us feels overwhelmingly permanent. Thankfully my daughter will be here this weekend and I get the chance to love on her with a bit of a belated birthday love…

Fly, Fly Away…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay6 Comments

www.rainydayinmay.com

Five Minute Friday is upon us again, and this is where I’d love to put some clever remark about time going so quickly- especially with the writing prompt for today! The truth is that, for me, this week has seemed to last forever… If this is your first time seeing a Five Minute Friday post, our lovely host Kate gives a writing prompt, we free flow write for 5 minutes and then link up with others. Now that we all know what’s happening here, lets begin:

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This week’s prompt made me cringe a little, to be honest. I am a little surprised that I reacted that way.

As the word danced around my mind I saw, in slow motion, the transition it took. From my distaste for flying in air planes, to the unwanted summer pests that grate my nerves. My mind began to play, like a jukebox paid by suggestion, the Foo Fighters. As if bleeding slowly, through it all, a remorse seeped in over the lack of funds available to buy the airline tickets I really should buy.

A trip to the Southwest to see dear family friends… And endless supply of tickets to Seattle to spend time with my son, his beautiful wife and their captivating little daughter…

She turns two next weekend, and though I adore her and feel so absolutely blessed to be her mimi, I daily grow to despise this distance between us so much.

This, of course, brings me to time.

Time flies.

Long weeks aside, it truly does… A baby born turns two and the minutes I have spent with her are nominal- and she doesn’t even really know my voice.

And this makes me sad…

Does my time pass quickly on the current of sadness? Sad songs, sad distance, sad news, sad expenses, sadness over the growing list of things I truly desire to do, and do not.

Does the flow which is joy driven move more swiftly, or is it easier traveling that way, to savor and take the lovely in? Perhaps the sadness is just easier because it is more honest? I imagine that raft is simpler to board.

And maybe I just have attention deficit, unable to stay on one track, to focus on one aspect of this word which I am tasked to write today- instead a parade of perspectives fly with the speed of light, through my mind.

{Fun fact, which made me smile- Black and Blue Bird, a new song by Dave Matthews, came on while I was writing this. As I was typing the words, he sang the speed of light. These are the little God-nod moments which I tuck into my heart to carry with me.}

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Thanks for stopping by! On Fridays I put out a weekly email. The writing is a bit more personal and I share a list of the five things I really loved this week, along with some exclusive content/news that will only be shared there. It is one of my favorite parts of friday because the interactions that happen with my subscribers is the best! If you don’t get my Friday email, you absolutely should! AND, for subscribing you get a free guide to embracing your story and a self-care guide! It’s a win/win, plus it helps me connect with you, which is why we’re here in the first place, isn’t it??

(Speaking of personal… Episode 6 of the Collective podcast is live! We’re chatting with Maegy as she shares her journey through being adopted, dealing with attachment issues and transitioning into being a mom and wife. Authentic and beautiful, our little Collective community is so glad she shared!)

Wednesday ‘podging…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay9 Comments

From this Side of the Pond

Once again, my midweek has me teaming up with some super cool peeps over at From this Side of the Pond!

1.Describe your 30’s in one sentence. The decade filled with wall-to-wall unpredictability and change.

2. Is it harder for you to exercise or eat healthy? Exercise! I have a chronic illness which makes it tough. One of those catch-22 things where I’d feel better and flare less if I exercised regularly, BUT it is often so incredibly painful to work out.

3. June 7th is National VCR Day. Huh? Anyway this reminded me of something I saw on Facebook listing household items we no longer have and the VCR was on it. I couldn’t put my hands on that list, but found another list here of 21 items we all had ten years ago, but which are now obsolete-

bookshelves (WHAT!!???), drip coffee makers, alarm clocks, file cabinets, desktop computers, printers, printed phone books, answering machines, fax machines, paper shredders, a Rolodex, CD racks, CD burners, china cabinets, home phones, entertainment consoles, DVD players, calculators, takeout menus, incandescent light bulbs, and cable TV

Your thoughts? How many on the list do you still have? Still use? Some of these are ridiculous! We still use bookshelves (of course!), a drip coffee maker (Cuisinart, it’s the BEST! We sold the Keurig to buy it!), printer, have a DVD player, but can’t remember how to use it, (it’s been ages) and currently have cable tv but are going to cancel it because we have Apple tv and don’t really need cable!

4. What’s something you see disappearing in the next ten years? Cable tv. (CANNOT wait for Streaming packages!)

5. How did you celebrate your birthday this past year? Is that typical? I didn’t do anything actually. It was a pretty sad, unacknowledged day. Sad day, is sadly normal. My birthday is a major struggle for me… But usually we at least DO something…

6. Insert your own random thought here.

Kate Spade was really a trail blazer not just for the women’s movement, but in the corporate and designer industry. I love that her’s was a brand she and her husband built together… She created something which most women deemed the very first it bag, and was among the first designers to infuse personality and class together seamlessly. Her bold creativity inspired women in confidence and she paved the way for women to embrace elements of their power and femininity in ways that weren’t “normal”.  This inspiring woman tragically took her life yesterday and it is devastating, not because she was famous, but because she was human and hurting. Additionally sad is that the entire internet failed to acknowledge her humanity and seemed to only want the spotlight to shine on all of the possessions they have bearing her name- items from a company she worked very hard to distance herself from, over the past 12 years. I obviously didn’t know Kate, but it is disheartening to see her so “mourned” with so many “tributes” that, at the end of the day, had nothing to do with her. I’ll never be a Kate Spade, but I do hope that whoever mourns my someday passing will see me in there somewhere.

Dark, sure- but honest…

Return…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay16 Comments

www.rainydayinmay.com

Good Friday morning!

I am once again joining up with Kate and the Five Minute Friday crew. In case you’re new, the way it works is that we get a word, set a time for five minutes and see what happens…

So, here we go!

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So many people feel that being a writer is another form of being a dreamer…

That it isn’t a real job. As a writer I have come to the conclusion that maybe they are right. My neighbor Leo cannot walk in to a hospital and just be a surgeon. My friend Bree cannot walk into a tax center and simply be a CPA. Those are jobs that they would train for and educate in, to become certified. Let’s consider a painter… They paint because they love it, it is something that courses richly through their veins and they know that they are their best selves when they are doing this thing they feel they were created to do. That is the heart, the soul and sometimes the curse of being an artist. It isn’t a career, it is a lifeblood all its own. There are jobs in the writing field, but being a writer in and of itself is not a job.

I’ve been soul-searching a lot lately, about writing… About career paths merging with dreams and where I am to be found in the midst of such things. Whenever stress and inner turmoil bubble forth, my anxiety will pulse inside and often that familiar sense of panic swells to the surface. It is all rather timely since my mantra for this year is Let Go. (coincidence? Doubtful)

Let go, Misty, of the scarcity mentality. Let go of the fears and the questions, and insecurities about your path/purpose.
 
For me, being a writer is not at all like being a dreamer, but my writing does involve dreaming bold. And sometimes i search frantically for something to ease the rising inner tension before my soul spills all over the place, and this moment is when the clarity of it reveals itself.

I don’t have to do it all at once. I can’t. I shouldn’t. I don’t have to know how this tale unfolds, I just have to live it with each click/clack of the keys, because that is when I know I am my best. When it comes time for a break, a breather, a boundaried-space for a step back and fresh start, I simply slide my right pinky over and click it-

Return.

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Are you joining the Collective book club? You SHOULD! Check it out!

What Spring has brought with her…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments

www.rainydayinmay.com

When I signed up to Let Go, this year, I really had no idea of the things that would be asked of me.

I would say that, while this is probably a truth that has applied to all of my WOtY’s, this year has all at once stung incredibly and also been so restorative. Now, it is June. We are at a half way point and I find myself reflecting on this journey. Here in Michigan we’ve had about eleven seconds of true spring, following the twenty years of winter… (While you may be learning that I can sometimes exaggerate, this is something I’ve known for a good, long while.)

Spring is nearly out the door, making way for Summer, and I am reflecting along with my favorite Emily, about what Spring has shown me…

The vision/dream my heart has held for so eternally long really can be mine… I’ve read all of the little memes about believing in yourself, I’ve read the books and seen the lectures. But then, at some point this Spring I finally followed through with a project that was two years, (and let’s be honest, a lifetime) in the making and opportunities/possibilities just spilled forth. It took those things happening to make me realize this vision wasn’t a fantasy, it was a grand design. It may look differently than the ways I’ve dreamed, but that just means it will be better and more suited to my truth.

The internet has made me a terrible book reader… Goodness, have I ever written more truer words? It is terrible! I’m trying to change it, honest! I have sat the book I’m attempting to read, on my table every day this week. I naively tell myself that will remind me. I pencil READ onto my to-do list. Instead I spend all of the moments I have on the computer. Yes, it is work, and necessary, but where are the boundaries? Where is the balance? (And why does the internet have so much access to so many great things? (And do I really need to have/learn/do all of the great things right now? NO. And yet…))

People that are loved and trusted can tear us down in their climb up to finding their own worth. Not all of them, but the love and trust doesn’t make them exempt… this is probably the most sad part about my let go journey. Relational losses are always difficult and at first I wasn’t sure it would be a full-fledged loss. I could not imagine it and certainly did not want it. I’d been too close to the situation to see the very toxic negativity that was continually being directed at me. I sat back and trusted the journey that God had me on and daily there was negative opposition that tore me down a little more.Others saw it, my breaking and the reasons, but I couldn’t. Afterword, the shock of the loss seemed incomprehensible, but the sudden weightlessness of the journey felt so free. This is what they call bittersweet, I suppose. I harbor no resentments, as I said very early that whoever is supposed to be here, will be & likewise, whoever is not will not be. There is peace in seeing that I truly did surrender myself to trusting that and in the lesson learned valuable things.

I don’t love rewatching movies as much as I used to… Oh, I really used to. There are a handful of movies that I have watched hundreds and hundreds of times. Now, in this season, I am seeing that I’m growing more selective about watching much, and the concept of rewatching sounds beyond underwhelming.

Stress really does hurt… I have been watching my husband’s stress levels rise to such levels that not only is he no longer able to do that thing which he loves the most (run), but his body is broken down to such a point that he is constantly ill. This man has literally gone years without so much as a sniffle. It is all so sad to see.

Sometimes it takes another person’s difficult season to put our own into perspective… This year I have walked along several people who are in absolutely shattered seasons of their life. I ache so terribly for them, and find myself with wider eyes, freer thoughts and a much heartier gratitude list than ever before.

I really find gratification in an empty DVR… {also- that I don’t need a DVR} I enjoy escaping with a show and snuggle down with the husband as much as anyone. I don’t feel tv is the devil, and I’ve never been anywhere near a slave to my DVR. Even so, I’m feeling much the same way about tv as I am movies…

Tulips are toxic for dogs… I learned this because my passionate love of fresh flowers and my sweet little (almost 1-year-old) Golden Elenor believed they were meant to be her snack… So she ate tulips. And it was intense, and stress filled, and most importantly- she is ok. Thus concludes the story of how this flower loving girl will never have tulips around, again.

So many people are ready to burst, needing to share their journey with someone and continually finding no one who cares… Every single day this lesson grows bigger.

Motherhood is quite possibly the kryptonite, to my life... More than anything, as a girl, I wanted a mother to mother me. More than anything, as I was older, I manually moved whatever mountains I had to, to become one. Miscarriages, surgeries, medication, procedures, foster care, failed adoptions and finally, being a mom… But that motherhood journey, for me, never had a solitary moment of peace. It was one painful struggle after another. I’ve spent an adulthood waiting for it to be that thing I’ve always believe Motherhood would be.

I have never thought I would be the rehome my dog type… And yet, this has become a daily discussion. We have a dog that grows more and more special needs, by the day. With a chronic illness, traveling (for work) husband and limited financial resources- we are at a loss. Many (MANY) nights she keeps us up with her manic behavior, which now consistently all day as well, and it is just growing worse. I am sad, so so sad to even consider. (And so overwhelmed as to how.)

I am tired… which could be the culmination of all the things, and the real blame for why I’m not reading. Truth is, I’m too tired to figure any of that out! Ha!