Mae @ Rainydayinmay

How flavor defines a marriage…

Published on February 8, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay4 Comments

There is this saying, among circles of parents with attachment disorder kids that Sugar is a Mommy’s Love. Pretty much, the theory is that you give these kids (whom you desperately love as they lash out and push you away, regardless of your best efforts) candy to eat when you aren’t with them. You tell them over and over that candy is your way of reaffirming “I love you”, when you can’t be there to show it.
It may be weird, but it works…

Which isn’t really that different than any of us really… Sad? We eat some ice cream. Cold? We make a big pot of soup. PMSing? Grab the chocolate.

As much as research seems to point a finger at comfort food being the downfall of a society, I think they’ve got it all wrong. (sidenote: perhaps that downfall is EXCESS. anyway) I mean, how many otherwise great dinner dates can be damaged because of a bad meal out?

The reality is that taste, at it’s core, is a sensual process. It is so that our moment can be enhanced. (though some times the current flavor does the opposite, obviously.) Taste is as much of a shared experience as any other involving of our senses. While eating a half gallon of ice cream, with a wooden spoon- hiding in one’s closet is not a healthy habit- that doesn’t mean that never sharing an ice cream cone with your child or attempting to recreate the Spaghetti scene (ala’ Lady and the Tramp) with your husband is something to feel guilty about later.

One of my favorite things to do with my husband is to cook. While he doesn’t particularly like to be the one on dinner duty, when we are working together in the kitchen we both agree it’s FUN! Quality conversation and moments ensue- and almost always, whatever we created tastes fantastic. This is no different than the moments in the kitchen I’ve had with my kids either. Then again, I love to cook… But, my family also loves to eat. We share dishes, we explore new restaurants and flavors. These things have grown important to us, so that evenings around our dinner table aren’t monotonous forkfuls of food into our mouth- but quality togetherness…

It may sound funny but while Sugar may be a Mother’s love- Taste is a testament to my family’s…

And every Saturday’s brunch at home, (unless we go out to brunch together) is the proof of this collaboration of love.

Today, for my 28 day challenge I will:
– Have a dinner date with my husband, where we simply cook and create something together after Gen’s in bed. We’ll dine, by candlelight, with soothing music in the background and conversation between us.
– I will surprise Genny with breakfast in bed.
– I will bake my family their favorite cookies so, when they eat them, they can be reminded of how much I love them.

The Beatles totally got it…

Published on February 7, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay8 Comments

A few days ago my oldest daughter was talking about making a list for the type of guy she wants. I had to smile because it reminded me of a list I myself had made, back in the day. In the days after a few high school heart breaks, but about a month and a half before I met Chw.

As any seventeen year old girl’s list would have, mine contained a few fairly shallow hopes. Beyond those, though, the one thing that I wouldn’t even consider budging on was that this guy, whomever he’d be, would have to have amazing hands. Great hands. Warm hands to hold. Hands that looked great, worked hard, loved to be held and could encompass mine.

The night of mine and Chw’s first kiss, (which happened after he asked if he could kiss me, just like i’d written on my wish list) I really took note of his hands. No, that’s not true… I fell in love with his hands. Seventeen years later, I grow to love them more everyday.

Those hands have comforted me through miscarriages.
They have wiped away countless broken and aching tears.
They have signed his name to some of my most treasured letters and cards.
They have dialed my cell number when he’s needed me.
They have paved the way for our family to have a roof over our heads and food on the table.
They have worked, along side my hands, to provide stimulation and therapy for our Reactive Attachment Disorder child when she’s needed it the most.
They tightly lace their beautiful fingers with mine, as we’re walking.
They rub my neck and forehead when I’m lost in a migraine.
They brush our daughters hair and play board games with her.
They are creative- they draw, they paint, they build.

Those hands, his hands, they reach for mine even when he’s deep in sleep…

Having a child with an attachment disorder has this way or redefining nearly everything about your life. For us, touch and affection was at the top of that list. Though his hands may have been an important romantic notion, when I was seventeen, they became the glue that would preserve both mine and our daughter’s sanity through the darkest times.

Today, in my 28 day challenge I will:
– Intentionally reach out to comfort my hard working husband. I will rub his hands, his neck and his shoulders. I will be affectionate with him. I will appreciate him, and all that he does, and make sure that he knows this…
– I will hold my daughters hand. I will brush her hair and love her. I will hold her.

Learning to laugh…

Published on February 4, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay18 Comments

When my eleven year old dreams of love and marriage, and of being a mother, someday- she envisions it with laughter engulfing everything. Not cruel laughter, at another’s expense, but genuine- soul filling laughter… I want that for her. I pray that for her… Even though her life hasn’t been a basket of fresh picked berries, she still doesn’t quite grasp how difficult life can be, and that’s ok with me. After all, she is only eleven.

To make her odds of a laughter filled, balanced and happy home even better though, Chw and I need to learn to laugh more. Don’t get me wrong, we are fairly funny people and we do have our fair share of chuckle induced headaches… We certainly know how to many anything fun, and Genny has indeed learned that from us. That being said, however, we still need to bring more fun home. Above all else, our home needs to be a safe place where laughter warms our hearts and love is further born…

Today, and throughout the weekend I will, in my 28 day challenge:

– laugh. With my husband; as a family.

– play together.

– live in the now.

– LOVE…

image courtesy of http://elegantwordart2.blogspot.com

To be close…

Published on February 3, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay15 Comments

Within the first five years of our marriage, my sweet husband (who wasn’t always so sweet, in those days) would have these tender, night time moments where he would hold me so tightly and lay as close as humanly possible. I always knew these moments because there was something in him that was desperately searching and reaching. I always knew that this sentence would follow, and it warmed my soul- I just can’t get close enough to you…

As most everyone who reads this blog knows, we divorced in our fifth year of marriage and officially reconciled two years later… Our reconciliation wasn’t anything like the days of blissfully falling in love and dying to be together. Anyone who has been through something similar knows this. Divorce, and the details accompanying it, are painful and difficult.

For the first couple of years, after our remarriage, I would often lay awake waiting for those moments of his yearning for closeness to happen, but they never did. It has been ten years since we remarried, in fact, and it hasn’t happened once. For a long, long time that reality messed with my head and this ugly voice in the back of my mind assured me that he didn’t want to be close to me. Somewhere though, along the journey of our lifetime together- I saw the truth. The truth was me… Before, in those first five years, I built myself behind such a vast and thick wall of self protection. It wasn’t me in body that he was desperate to be close to- it was me. The divorce and the reconciliation destroyed that fortress, and with it my need for preservation and safety. I am raw and real now, honest with him and 100% available…

BUT it’s something i have to keep myself in check with. Life is hard and painful, and vulnerability leaves us often times feeling uneasy…

Today i will, in my 28 day challenge to love:

– be present and available, for my husband. I will carve out time, just for him, where we spend time talking about what he needs or wants me to listen to. We will dream out loud together. I will be completely present and attentive, to him.

– I will make the time to touch base and connect with my kids. To hear their voices, and keep myself attentive to their needs.

the anatomy of a kiss…

Published on February 2, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay19 Comments

Something about the way life and it’s minutes and dreams are told- in our culture, through film, stories and music- has this way of making certain moments feel more real than they are. Like the on screen or lyrical kiss, for example. I wish that I had the science or technical details of how long people have found portrayals of the kiss, so moving.

One day my daughter asked me why kissing was so special. Spitting definately is not special, and isn’t kissing just spitting into someone else’s mouth? Gross. And well, I found I couldn’t really argue with her elementary logic. Instead I simply turned my head and smiled because I knew that someday she too would find her heart all knotted up over the idea of some dreamy eyed boy bequeathing to her, her first kiss.

I’m a kisser, I’ll admit it.
I love kissing.
It seems like a funny thing for a 34 year old to talk about, but there it is. Not just that kind of kissing, either. My sister and I kiss on the cheek, I kiss my daughter and niece and nephews on the forehead about a thousand times a day. I find the fact that the British and upper class exchange cheek kissing to be something of which I envy them. It’s lame, I know…

Most of all, though, I do love kissing my husband.

I love the way I feel when my husband kisses me.

One of my favorite movies is Baz Luhrman’s version of Romeo and Juliet. I adore that movie probably a little too much, a truth to which my little sister Jennie can attest. I love it from beginning to end, but along with every other lover of that film, one of my all time favorite scenes is the aquarium scene with Des’ree singing in the background. Singing about kissing someone home.

Isn’t that simply the most lovely thought ever?

Because a kiss should be so much more than an exchanging of spit and hormones. Maybe technically that is all it is, when you remove the heart of it all… (not that the hormone and spit part aren’t vital, of course). Anyone can do that, but I’m talking about the kisses with true heart and love as their driving force…
The REAL kisses…

Today’s part of my 28 day challenge:

– Today I plan to kiss my husband… And to kiss him home, with all of the love I can, into a home that is peaceful and nurturing.

– To pray for my kids, that God keeps them safe and helps them feel warm and loved… Also, to pray for the people from here on out who will enter their lives, and possibly love them and one day may be the person kissing them goodnight. That those people will be nurtured and loved, learning themselves to love in beautiful, complete and healthy ways…