There is this saying, among circles of parents with attachment disorder kids that Sugar is a Mommy’s Love. Pretty much, the theory is that you give these kids (whom you desperately love as they lash out and push you away, regardless of your best efforts) candy to eat when you aren’t with them. You tell them over and over that candy is your way of reaffirming “I love you”, when you can’t be there to show it.
It may be weird, but it works…
Which isn’t really that different than any of us really… Sad? We eat some ice cream. Cold? We make a big pot of soup. PMSing? Grab the chocolate.
As much as research seems to point a finger at comfort food being the downfall of a society, I think they’ve got it all wrong. (sidenote: perhaps that downfall is EXCESS. anyway) I mean, how many otherwise great dinner dates can be damaged because of a bad meal out?
The reality is that taste, at it’s core, is a sensual process. It is so that our moment can be enhanced. (though some times the current flavor does the opposite, obviously.) Taste is as much of a shared experience as any other involving of our senses. While eating a half gallon of ice cream, with a wooden spoon- hiding in one’s closet is not a healthy habit- that doesn’t mean that never sharing an ice cream cone with your child or attempting to recreate the Spaghetti scene (ala’ Lady and the Tramp) with your husband is something to feel guilty about later.
One of my favorite things to do with my husband is to cook. While he doesn’t particularly like to be the one on dinner duty, when we are working together in the kitchen we both agree it’s FUN! Quality conversation and moments ensue- and almost always, whatever we created tastes fantastic. This is no different than the moments in the kitchen I’ve had with my kids either. Then again, I love to cook… But, my family also loves to eat. We share dishes, we explore new restaurants and flavors. These things have grown important to us, so that evenings around our dinner table aren’t monotonous forkfuls of food into our mouth- but quality togetherness…
It may sound funny but while Sugar may be a Mother’s love- Taste is a testament to my family’s…
And every Saturday’s brunch at home, (unless we go out to brunch together) is the proof of this collaboration of love.
Today, for my 28 day challenge I will:
– Have a dinner date with my husband, where we simply cook and create something together after Gen’s in bed. We’ll dine, by candlelight, with soothing music in the background and conversation between us.
– I will surprise Genny with breakfast in bed.
– I will bake my family their favorite cookies so, when they eat them, they can be reminded of how much I love them.
4 thoughts on “How flavor defines a marriage…”
I've never heard that about the sugar = love w/ attachment disorder. I like that. I worked with quite a few attachment disorder cases back when I worked full time, and the kids and parents have such a difficult time. Anything that helps!We're big on food too. I love to try new recipes :-)
Lisa, Interesting work, isn't it? i did it prior to adopting and wow… Fascinating stuff… Exactly right- anything that helps!
love this.i have heard about the sugar and attachment…so interesting.i love your challenges, perfect!
That is really interesting, and you're right, it shouldn't really be a surprise because we all know about comfort foods. Food is love!