Category: writing

Ache…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay7 Comments
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

GO.

It was a mere gesture of friendly good intention which prompted her to share with me the words. The instruction. 
The way that I, as their mother, do not add up. 
I didn’t take it personal. I jumped up first, criticizing self in mirror, that I needed the words. 
Needed to heed the words. 
Needed to be the words. 
Needed. 
So much more than the loud toned woman, frustrated always. Tired. 
Aches. 
Aches in my bones and my heart, alike. Different. 
Aches from trying so hard to love those previously believed unloveable, only because previous people ached to see themselves and cast these wide eyed children to the wayside. 
Aches, the children, in the way their beginnings began. 
Aches every second of every day for their differences. For their different. For… 
For everything? Possibly. Probably. Rightly so. 
Ache. 
Always. All around. Rounds and rounds for everyone, on everyone because this lonely, self serving world can’t get enough. 
I ache to be the mom they need me to be. 
I ache because I fail. 
I ache because I’m not. Then I try to be, and I forget, and I fail again. 
They deserve better. 
But I’m what they’ve got. 
That’s it. 
Maybe I love them more than they can love. Maybe they gave the tiny bits of all they had to spare to me, heart fragments in hand. 
I took them. 
I chose. 
I choose. 
I ache. For them. Because of them. With them.

STOP.

post signature

Two…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment
Me– 
– new schedule. Making sure I survive my days by making my life NOT all Genny centric. it’s tough… 
– Read two books for me. i did it January, but January also had 2 extra days AND didn’t have any visits from Lucas… Maybe i’ll choose 2 short books. :) 
– Friendships. i need to work on this. My three closest friends live nowhere near here… I miss them. I need to focus on building closer friendships. 
– Small Academy awards get together… I’m excited. 
– personal writing… this has got to improve. since it’s a matter of days before Lucas arrives, i figure i’m going to exhibit grace on myself for this… I once heard that if you truly want to be writing, you will be. While I believe it, i also know i TRULY want/need to be- and I’m not. 
– smash book… 
– start working through the Writer’s Book of Days again… I need the diving board. 
Capture– 
-Valentines
– Sweet
– Date Night Dinner
– hello
– See You Later
– Focus Tree
– Roses
– wine (glass or bottle) 
– footballish
– love
Us– 
– Lucas is coming home for leave. CAN NOT WAIT… 
– GREAT movies coming out this month. {!!!}
– good conversations, with friends… good conversations with our family… 
– celebrating the twelfth birthday of my beautiful niece. 
– board games. Our lives need more board games. 
– Electronicless evenings. 
– cell phone less dinners. 
Heart– 
– I’ve found I am getting easily frustrated with my mom and my sister. i really need to work on that without tearing down the vitally constructed boundaries that are there for my sanity. 
– Getting more involved in our church. 
– continuing to volunteer in our community. 
– patience… it’s good for my heart, I hear. And though my physical heart is fine, my soul-heart needs more patience… and a slower acceleration rate to anger. 
Home– 
– there is a bad sort of stressful, hurtful unrest that settled down over our home. For a few reasons the past week has seen a release in that but i am going to work towards making sure that this pattern continues. 
– we have a cool entry way project that i’m hoping we’ll get done this month. SUPER excited about it! 
– entertain once or twice. 
Health–
– our quest to eat whole has been a good one. It’s amazing how much better we feel, in various ways. Less headaches, more consistent energy. The one thing that is really interesting is that we hungry a lot more… I’m guessing that’s a good thing. 
– water. loving water being a part of our time together. Swimming, play… It’s been great. 
– more tea. 
– yoga. Not just talking about yoga. 
– dancing… the Ellen kind. Whenever possible. 
– speaking of dancing- learn the shuffle… 
Love– 
– we don’t do the romantic Valentines thing. i think it’s ridiculous actually. But, we will have a date night in February and i’m excited for that. 
– we’re currently reading through the Sacred Marriage devotional, and I love it. 
– In January life circumstances led us to a lot of quality conversations… I’m grateful to see this pattern continuing. 
– truly kiss, daily. 
– continue finding ways to respect him. 
post signature

what wednesdays were made for…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments
I’ve had a lot of homeschool moms, over the years, comment on how luxurious and easy my life must be, as I only educate one child at home. 
Folks, it’s not easy. In fact, I think it’s harder… Plus, i’m starting to wonder if this one child-centric routine we have, isn’t a bit unhealthy on said only child. She knows that the course of my day, and what I can accomplish revolves around her and that gives her quite a bit of power. 
It causes quite a bundle of problems. 
Let’s just say that though with great power comes great responsibility, the result these days seems to be great wickedness and a huge attitude of selfishness. 
So, since I have the luxury of only educating one child at home, and said child is old enough to behave somewhat reasonably in public- i’ve decided to mix things up a bit. 
Three days a week will be entirely home and education focused. For the whole of those three days, there will be little else occurring. These are the days where my laundry or household chores will mostly occur. These are the days where my bread {and other} baking, will occur. If time appears, on said days, for writing or what-have-you, than fantastic! If not, no loss as that’s not what these three days are for. {plus, lets face it, I am an adult who makes my own schedule. I can easily get up earlier or stay up later.} 
It’s the other two week days I am excited about. 
On these two days Gen will have school work that she can do independently, without me. Since we do a lot of unit studies, it will be lighter loads on these two days. These are also the days though, when we’ll rsvp for field trips or go swimming. These are the days where a movie may fit in with what we’re doing- or not. Maybe I’ll just want to watch a movie… These are the days that maybe we’ll devote an entire afternoon to reading and sipping tea- or escaping to my favorite coffee place for a steaming cup of chai and uninterrupted time to write overdue letters. 
This is today… 
These days, like today, can be loosely scheduled- or completely free. 
These days can include hanging out with friends or working on art/craft projects all day. 
These days can include pajamas and tivo, or nature walks, or home spa days, or _______________… 
I kinda think i’m going to love days like today! 
post signature

and…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments
It’s a lot- this idea of homeschooling again while working from home… And striving for health… and… and… and. 
AND! 
I am overwhelmed, folks… 
There is A LOT going on right now, in our lives… It’s a good time, for sure, to have Genny back home. We kicked off our “semester” yesterday, trying out a new co-op. It was WAY different than the other two we’ve done, but not bad. Just different. 
I open my blog and the curser just flashes at me. I have no idea what to say, or how to respond to it’s demanding my attention NOW. 
I don’t know what to say. 
I am unsure of the future, but then again, who isn’t? 
I am nervous about taking this on… but then again who wouldn’t be? 
I feel overwhelmed… 
AND? 
Exactly… 
So, deep breaths are happening here. Stressing less than I would have imagined- but mind consumed all the same. Some time ago my friend passed this site on to me, and I am planning to utilize it to the hilt, when I have a minute… In the meantime- here is me… 
post signature

One…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment
I can’t even believe it, and yet- I absolutely can… 
Another month, another year. Fresh start. Fresh breath. 
Beginning… 
While I feel content, mostly… Perhaps not as much as i would hope but far more than i was before- i find fingers crossed and hopes high at this thing known as january one. 
first… first of something. 
first of everything. 
one. number one month, number one day to this newness that is not really anything very new at all- except for a clean calendar slate and well- let’s face it- we all know what the Mayans said about that… 
Leave it to me to get my junk figured out right before the timer dings… 
Oh well.
I don’t really subscribe to that anyway… 
Me– 
– I want, no scratch that… i NEED to read at least two books for me. Work aside… for me. I am a better me, a better woman and a far better writer when I read. 
– I need to create. i have a list of paper projects, gift projects and a few slightly more daring furniture projects to work towards. Wish me luck? 
– I plan to see. See the world through the lens of my canon. See films. See people. See life. 
– live life. 
– breathe. Through affirmations. through prayer. through yoga. through calming. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. {Please remind me, should I need it.} 
– and of course- the obvious: WRITE. I must write. there is no “like to” or option here. 
Capture– 
– bowls of soup
– new drink and the year’s first book
– icicles
– winter bundled children
– Kaileigh’s bday
– the tree
– Chw’s smooth newness
– our first meal, this year, as a family
– first snow of the year. (one way, or another)
– snuggles
Us– 
– back to educating… Bittersweet. I’ll look to sweet. I am blessed. I choose cherish. 
– We’ll think on Ecology and Conservation. 
– We’ll strive to manage. Manage time. Manage Money. Manage Goals and possessions. 
– We are starting a new allowance system. I’m excited. Gen’s excited. We’re all excited really. 
– Weekend away. 
– Family dinners. Conversing. Love. Support. 
– We delve into classic literature, again, together. 
– We step out and make friends. We try new things. We journey. We cherish. We breathe. {Must continue remembering…}
– focus locally. local shops. local restaurants. businesses owned by people, who work in love for real people. 
– community. outreach. volunteer. serve. 
Heart– 
– i forgive. Me. Others. Life. 2011. Me. Me. Me… Always me, me who damages the most. 
– breathe. 
– pray. 
– read. 
– love. 
– community. outreach. volunteer. serve. {rinse and repeat…}
– sleep. 
Home– 
– organize for schooling. Creative, practical and simple spaces. 
– stock up our tea supply. We’ve dwindled it down. 
– discard the excessive. 
– restock and organize pantry for better feeding of loved family.
– dance in the kitchen, laugh at the table. We need this, everyday. 
– cook together. 
– loosen the kitchen reins. 
Health–
– no soda. none. I’ve done it before. I’m doing this again. 
– cut back on wheat. a lot. 
– swim. 
– move. move in ways which help me love myself, not in ways in which I dread. 
– sleep. 
– breathe. {this is feeling repetitive.}
Love– 
– hold hands. 
– respect him. Consciously. Authentically. 
– kiss. 
– cook for him. 
– fold his socks. {which i hate to do.} 
– date him, and when we are dating- see him genuinely. 
– listen to him. 
– listen to him breathe. 
– recognize, remember and respect that he needs him time too. not for work, not with us in tow. 
post signature