One…

I can’t even believe it, and yet- I absolutely can… 
Another month, another year. Fresh start. Fresh breath. 
Beginning… 
While I feel content, mostly… Perhaps not as much as i would hope but far more than i was before- i find fingers crossed and hopes high at this thing known as january one. 
first… first of something. 
first of everything. 
one. number one month, number one day to this newness that is not really anything very new at all- except for a clean calendar slate and well- let’s face it- we all know what the Mayans said about that… 
Leave it to me to get my junk figured out right before the timer dings… 
Oh well.
I don’t really subscribe to that anyway… 
Me– 
– I want, no scratch that… i NEED to read at least two books for me. Work aside… for me. I am a better me, a better woman and a far better writer when I read. 
– I need to create. i have a list of paper projects, gift projects and a few slightly more daring furniture projects to work towards. Wish me luck? 
– I plan to see. See the world through the lens of my canon. See films. See people. See life. 
– live life. 
– breathe. Through affirmations. through prayer. through yoga. through calming. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. {Please remind me, should I need it.} 
– and of course- the obvious: WRITE. I must write. there is no “like to” or option here. 
Capture– 
– bowls of soup
– new drink and the year’s first book
– icicles
– winter bundled children
– Kaileigh’s bday
– the tree
– Chw’s smooth newness
– our first meal, this year, as a family
– first snow of the year. (one way, or another)
– snuggles
Us– 
– back to educating… Bittersweet. I’ll look to sweet. I am blessed. I choose cherish. 
– We’ll think on Ecology and Conservation. 
– We’ll strive to manage. Manage time. Manage Money. Manage Goals and possessions. 
– We are starting a new allowance system. I’m excited. Gen’s excited. We’re all excited really. 
– Weekend away. 
– Family dinners. Conversing. Love. Support. 
– We delve into classic literature, again, together. 
– We step out and make friends. We try new things. We journey. We cherish. We breathe. {Must continue remembering…}
– focus locally. local shops. local restaurants. businesses owned by people, who work in love for real people. 
– community. outreach. volunteer. serve. 
Heart– 
– i forgive. Me. Others. Life. 2011. Me. Me. Me… Always me, me who damages the most. 
– breathe. 
– pray. 
– read. 
– love. 
– community. outreach. volunteer. serve. {rinse and repeat…}
– sleep. 
Home– 
– organize for schooling. Creative, practical and simple spaces. 
– stock up our tea supply. We’ve dwindled it down. 
– discard the excessive. 
– restock and organize pantry for better feeding of loved family.
– dance in the kitchen, laugh at the table. We need this, everyday. 
– cook together. 
– loosen the kitchen reins. 
Health
– no soda. none. I’ve done it before. I’m doing this again. 
– cut back on wheat. a lot. 
– swim. 
– move. move in ways which help me love myself, not in ways in which I dread. 
– sleep. 
– breathe. {this is feeling repetitive.}
Love– 
– hold hands. 
– respect him. Consciously. Authentically. 
– kiss. 
– cook for him. 
– fold his socks. {which i hate to do.} 
– date him, and when we are dating- see him genuinely. 
– listen to him. 
– listen to him breathe. 
– recognize, remember and respect that he needs him time too. not for work, not with us in tow. 
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Twenty Five…

For seven days this blog has been blank. 
For seven days i have played and have loved. 
I’ve no excuse for such absence so to help you feel included- 
snippets and tidbits of 25 Wagner Christmas moments… 
1} Genny’s peppermint truffles… 

 2} Amazing hot cocoa stirrers…

 3} An array of homemade barks. {pictured is chocolate mint}

 4} Snacks, and pumpkin chocolate chip bread…

 5} Twirling in the kitchen at…

 6} An impromptu Genny “hosted” kid little kid party..
 7} With homemade pizza…

 8} And delicious, real milk cocoa… {face paint optional}

 9} Toys exploding everywhere…

 10} a beyond amazing Ray Charles impersonator!

 11} Wild and Crazy Genny led games. {Nearly neck breaking, literally, at times!}

 12} Somehow making glittery leg warmers seem ultra bad ass…

 13} Silly photo moments…

 14} Super cute adorableness…

 15} Forced puppy snuggling…

 16} Patiently waiting for friends to stop by on Christmas Eve so we could open gifts…

 17} Present time finally arriving…

18} Christmas morning pretty… 

19} Christmas morning stockings… 

 20} The only thing I asked for… {and SWOON!}

 21} Christmas brunch, (sadly, unphotographed) 
 22} Family tradition of seeing a movie… We saw this: 
WE LOVED IT!!!!! 

 23} Christmas afternoon sleeping beauties… {Note the pepsi can}

 {She counts… she just woke up. Ultra grumpy. Plus she’s in a 
sleeping beauty dress, so there.}
 So, remember the Pepsi can? She moved, Pepsi did not spill BUT 
Genny took it from her, and her hand stayed just as though 
she were still holding it. 
That Amanda, she’s cute… 

 24} Major quality togetherness… {Can you believe Ky and Gen are less than a year apart???}

 25} New pajamas all around…

 AND ADDED BONUS:
A new bike!

So, how was your Christmas? 
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You spin me…

Welcome to my life… 
Only maybe it spins a tad faster than that. OR, it just feels like it, when you’re on the inside looking out. Either way, I pretty much feel like I am going to throw up now. 
I would like for this to be the part where I say that I am proud to say we are once again a homeschooling family. Truth is though, I am not. I pretty much thing is sucks, to tell you the truth… But, at the end of the day above every other selfish and non-selfish station I hold in life- I am a mom. A mom who loves my kid enough to do what is best for her and allowing her to slowly self destruct is certainly not what was best for her. 
She’s pretty angry that it has come to this, but when she hugged me good night I couldn’t help like she seemed a little relieved. 
And maybe she is. it’s all a lot of pressure for a PTSD/RAD kid… How do you go through the day of 7th grade drama, cat fights and multiple teachers when inside you are just aching for EVERYONE to love you- as is? 
I want to scream at how it isn’t fair. How I had just hit a good stride, work wise and was getting to a good stride writing… the, I wanted to shout for joy a little. Less likely to have so many germs. 
I don’t know… There is a sweet simplicity to a home life. 
There are frustrations galore as well… 
but then I remind myself that we tried something, (something that I swore wouldn’t be a trial) and it didn’t work… no harm done- no looking back- JUST MOVING FORWARD. 
I am not scared, we’ve been here before… 
But I am not excited either. 
I love my daughter more than anything else- but these past few months I have grown to like her less and less. I hate to say that, but it’s true and everyone in this house agrees. 
Honestly, I’d be surprised if Genny herself didn’t agree too. I don’t thinking she much fancies who she’s become- but I think she felt she had no other choice. Hopefully we can fix that… 
In the meantime- round and round and round I go… 
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by the chimney with care…

So yeah, that’s a lie. 
No chimney. 
No fireplace at all, actually, much to my serious dismay… 
We had an amazing stone fireplace/mantel when we lived in New York and then again, a beautiful marble fireplace and wooden mantel when we lived in Michigan. 
Here in Idaho- we get zilch along the “stockings to hang” scheme of things… 
Anyway, I don’t spend a lot of money on Christmas decor. I find a piece that I really love and I’ll add it to our “collection” (which is small.) This ICE (glass) valance and the advent calendar are my two FAVORITE things… {i love that star too. I do have a bitter one that hangs on the wall at Christmas time as well.} 

And, not that I’m bitter or anything, but those of us who are mantel-less have to be creative and just pretend anyway… 

And, even though the Army has him stuck in Germany, Lucas’ stocking is hung by the- er, classic literature with care… 
And lastly, more ever green garland, (which smells AMAZING, since we do an artificial tree) and snow flakes over our dining table… 

Post note… i love dangling, glittery snow flakes. Just thought you should know that. :) 
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Oh Christmas Tree…

If you’ve been reading Rainy Day in May long, you know that I love to throw parties… i especially love Christmas parties. When one isn’t a practical solution, I at least opt for a good 1960’s style cocktail/dinner party. This year though, with all of the sickness and some family issues- Chez’ Wagner remains holiday party-less. 
Le Sad… 
The reality of this fully hit me when I realized that we would be decorating for essentially ourselves. Depressing, no? 
I mean, what’s the point? 
Which is sad, and shows where my priorities are when it comes to such things… 
So anyway, silly vanities and insecurities aside I decided to take the lemons of this particular holiday season and squeeze them into a nice rich glass of egg nog. In other words, as I blogger- i decided i’d share our decor {which plays out more on the minimal side of the spectrum} with you…
After my youngest grew out of the need for familiar ornaments upon the tree, we started getting a bit creative with how we adorn ours. Last year, at her request, we went a little crazy and bought a white artificial tree which we donned with pink and grey lovelies. This year we decided to make a black and white tree based on our year. We wrapped it in shimmering glass garlands, used black, white, grey and silver ornaments as a “back drop” for our focus ornaments- which were clear glass balls that we placed black and white photos of special 2011 moments… 

Over all, we’re pretty happy with how it turned out… 
My inner interior designer is super OCD and I have to make sure that the gifts beneath the tree match our tree so all of our papers, this year are black and white, or red. 
Besides our tree, there are only a few more things we adorn. I’ll post them tomorrow… 
Thanks for letting me share… :) 
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