You spin me…

Welcome to my life… 
Only maybe it spins a tad faster than that. OR, it just feels like it, when you’re on the inside looking out. Either way, I pretty much feel like I am going to throw up now. 
I would like for this to be the part where I say that I am proud to say we are once again a homeschooling family. Truth is though, I am not. I pretty much thing is sucks, to tell you the truth… But, at the end of the day above every other selfish and non-selfish station I hold in life- I am a mom. A mom who loves my kid enough to do what is best for her and allowing her to slowly self destruct is certainly not what was best for her. 
She’s pretty angry that it has come to this, but when she hugged me good night I couldn’t help like she seemed a little relieved. 
And maybe she is. it’s all a lot of pressure for a PTSD/RAD kid… How do you go through the day of 7th grade drama, cat fights and multiple teachers when inside you are just aching for EVERYONE to love you- as is? 
I want to scream at how it isn’t fair. How I had just hit a good stride, work wise and was getting to a good stride writing… the, I wanted to shout for joy a little. Less likely to have so many germs. 
I don’t know… There is a sweet simplicity to a home life. 
There are frustrations galore as well… 
but then I remind myself that we tried something, (something that I swore wouldn’t be a trial) and it didn’t work… no harm done- no looking back- JUST MOVING FORWARD. 
I am not scared, we’ve been here before… 
But I am not excited either. 
I love my daughter more than anything else- but these past few months I have grown to like her less and less. I hate to say that, but it’s true and everyone in this house agrees. 
Honestly, I’d be surprised if Genny herself didn’t agree too. I don’t thinking she much fancies who she’s become- but I think she felt she had no other choice. Hopefully we can fix that… 
In the meantime- round and round and round I go… 
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