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may…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay

It’s that time again… time to reflect on the key moments of the month while showing a photo of prints that won’t likely mean much to anyone but me. This blogging journey is so weird, isn’t it?

May has been the soggiest month we’ve had since moving to Western PA. Irony that these were rainy days in May isn’t lost on me. And listen, even I was rolling my eyes come the end of May because I get it… it was a good joke, but also… That being said, our last weekend couldn’t have been more perfect/beatiful!

  • This month I set a business goal for myself that seemed bigger than anything I’d set for a one-month period before. I did this to be bold, I did it to be brave and act in intentional self-support, but also I did not believe I was capable of making it. I didn’t make it. (I was SO CLOSE!) What I realized though, was that I could. I could make it. I pushed myself and tested myself in ways that surprised myself and what I learned from the experience was invaluable.
  • I learned that while I’ve always felt like our backyard looked like the sort of place fairies might live, all it takes is one other person saying those words out loud for me to begin turning our space into a fairy world. My poor, patient husband.
  • I learned how quickly things can change. I was reminded of how fast some things can fall apart, and how though love is immeasurable and infinite, it isn’t always enough.
  • It occurred to me this month how the same smell deliciously coming from a simmering pot on the stove can be repulsive coming from a garbage can. It’s weird, right? Like it’s the SAME SMELL, and yet in one context it can make our stomach growl with hunger, and in the other context can cause us to turn green. Life is crazy!
  • I found out that all it takes is to see a batch of intricately decorated sugar cookies for me to turn my weekend plans upside down and take a deep dive into a nostalgic movie marathon. (I’m so fun!)
  • This month I came face to face with the fact that I’m a creature of habit. I will keep using the same frustrating process to do something because that’s what I know, even when made aware of simpler, potentially better processes out there. Ugh! God help me.
  • This month I kicked off a book club, and I’m super excited!
  • This month I attended a local community theater production that a friend was in, and realized not everything ages well. The play was likely more offensive today than it would have been when it was written, and while I don’t fault the local theater for doing it, I’m grateful for the awareness I had over some progress our society has made.
  • I had a unique opportunity to become a part of a fun community that empowers creative artists in intentional ways. This is making me more aware of how I support others.
  • On that note, I also learned there is an entire business model operating on the exploitation of independent authors and it is so incredibly nauseating.
  • All of these things together (oddly enough, even the trash smell) showed me to follow through, stay on course, challenge myself in new ways, ignore limits, and keep moving forward… No regrets.

I hope your May lessons were ones that reminded you how truly capable and worthy you are!

What if…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay

So many years ago, (it’s hard to believe how many at this point) I was introduced to this growingly popular YA novel called Twilight. I wish that I’d heard it was about vampires and thought “yeah, that’s not for me” but the truth would have been (and still is) that vampires will always be up my alley. The super bizarre thing for me was honestly picking up a book to read at all, even when I had no clue what it was about. I hadn’t read for fun in years. I was testing non-fiction books for Harper Collins and blogging full-time. I was so far removed from the literary world that I had no idea what sort of fiction books existed beyond mysteries and Harlequin romance–neither of which had ever appealed to me.

After some intrigue at a few bloggers I followed raving about Twilight, I grabbed a copy. I didn’t sleep, or do much of anything, for two days. I couldn’t put it down. After reluctantly packing our family for vacation, I ran to the bookstore to purchase the second book of the (then) trilogy. While I hadn’t been much of a reader, at that point in my life, it is also important to note I had always suffered from car sickness. Even so, I read the second book, New Moon, as we drove throughout the mountainous Pacific Northwest. The Twilight world had sucked me in and I was unable to think of anything else. You’d think my family would have been annoyed, but they thought it was funny. They especially got a chuckle out of us having to detour our trip through Portland so that I could grab my copy of the newly released third book Eclipse.

It was somewhere into the first chapters of Eclipse that I found myself a passenger in a car with friends, as we navigated a mountainous road that was thick with heavy trees, at actual twilight. My mind began to wander at what was watching us, waiting, in the black line of those trees? I thought about the Quileute wolf legends existing in a heavily forested region with one of the highest “big foot” sightings… could it be?

Around this mountain side we traveled as the shadows chased the irrational wanderings of my mind.

~

Several years before, my first Christmas eve as an adoptive mom found me staring at our daughter as she slept sweetly. The magic of Christmas suddenly meant something completely new, and then out of nowhere panic plunged my insides toward the ground… What if Santa is real? What if this strange, magical being exists and comes sneaking through our home while we sleep?

What if?

What if…

Over the weekend my husband and I were inspired to have a Twilight movie marathon. It was so fun, and I was once again swept up in the memory of these life changing books… life changing because they inspired me to fall in love with reading again, and in doing so they inspired me to think deeper than the surface level I’d been handed–deeper than the very one-dimensional level I’d been writing at in my professional life.

The revisit, though thoroughly nostalgic and entertaining also made me think about that mountain drive, and that first Christmas eve. My mind began to think about fear. Then this morning I came across a news story about an asteroid sailing past earth and another report about the dangerous weather expected to kill many and render areas of the world disaster zones this summer. In even skimming each headline I felt that same fear pop its head in for a minute.

Fear.

We are living in a weird time when so many fear-motivated tragedies are happening on a daily basis. Instead of vampires and Christmas elves though, these fears are based in viruses, vaccinations, political powers, religion, sexuality, gender identity, skin tones, and on and on and on… any difference that divides us is connected to a fear-motivated tragedy that has taken place in recent days. The biggest difference between these fears and the fictional ones is it might just be a bit harder to call them irrational when the things we fear are really here. They aren’t possibly hiding in the shadows, but instead they are everywhere. Also everywhere are the printed and spoken stories about why we should fear them.

At the end of the day they are still stories. Whether it’s a fear of whats in the shadows, or a fear of something real in the world that you’ve been told is scary, we still have the opportunity to surrender to the boogeyman and let that fear control us. What if we didn’t?

What if we pushed past the fear and listened to someone outside of our normal scary-story-circle?

What if we tried to connect with someone else, something else?

What if we pushed past the usual sense of nausea we get from being a passenger in the car, and immersed ourselves in an experience so different than our normal, every day one?

What if?

the terrible twos…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay

How is it that this silly little cat, with the silkiest fur I could snuggle all day (if she would allow it, which she won’t!) is two?

Two.

So many people quip that a writer needs a cat, and even two years in I’ll be honest– I don’t get it. While I love our little rescue Darcy… our own little ginger Orphan Annie… I’m still not really #teamcat. When she’s sweet, she’s sweet. BUT, she is also incredibly naughty, mostly UN-snuggly, and absolutely no help when I’m trying to write or work and she’s in the same room.

Even so, she’s made our lives quite special and we adore her. Especially our Golden Retriever Elenor. They are the very best of friends!

Happy birthday to our little Darcy.

Happy Two-year Cativersary for us. As annoying as she is–may she live to be one hundred!

but also…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay

Yesterday we spent some time in the dirt, though to be honest, this was more Chw than me. I got to assume the role of lovely assistant and it was so nice. The sun was glorious, our trees are finally admitting it’s Spring, and the birds were serenading us with magic.

Yesterday felt a bit like hope, which is a little odd considering yesterday was also Mother’s Day the “holiday” that most women of my generation struggle with and would push through the meatgrinder if we could… even so, out there in the sunshine and dirt (well, dirt adjacent for me) was hope filled. I chatted with our neighbor about work, we traveled to the hardware store to load up on bricks, and we sat together designing a bird bath plan because just throwing it in the yard feels too easy.

I’ve wanted a bird bath for so long. My mother had one in our front yard when I was growing up and I always felt bad that she didn’t want water in in. When it rained it would fill up, but we lived in southern New Mexico– there wasn’t a lot of rain. Instead, the dry basin would crack beneath the intense desert sun. As I’ve grown into a full-level adult I’ve developed a love of birds. Our yard is a mini-paradise for so many different types of birds and I absolutely love sitting in our sunroom sipping a glass of iced tea and watching them. The feral cats we feed also enjoy watching them, but I have made it known that we provide food to them for free, they will get yelled at if they go after a bird. I am team bird 100% of the time.

So far this plan seems to be working, or at least thats what I tell myself.

I never thought I’d be one for sitting around and dreaming of things like my own bird bath or spending lazy weekend mornings watching those tiny little once-dinosaurs do their thing. Even so, they amaze me. I guess in this way, I amaze me too. I love the peace and simplicity of this way of living, and I’m so grateful that I leveled up into the adult that I have.

Flower beds, yard work, birds, and sun tea… these are all difinitive summer kisses that I love. In some ways I feel like we lost last summer completely, to the pandemic, and so I’m present and ready to embrace this one completely!

I have my happy little list of summer things I’m excited about and thought I’d share. Enthusiasm can be contageous so, whenever you read this, I hope my fan-girling of summer brings you a smile and, at least, an ounce of joy!

  • Movies! We have an outdoor theater set up in our yard and I can not wait to open it up to friends and neigbors as we resume outdoor movie nights!
  • BUT ALSO, there are big -screen movies releasing that I’m so excited about. We used to be avid movie goers and that definitly isn’t the case anymore. Even so, I am so excited for Baz Luerman’s Elvis Biopic! Almost equally as excited for the new Jurassic World and Top Gun sequel!
  • Our area has lovely outdoor garden concerts and I’m so ready for those to resume. Weather permitting, they became our favorite way to spend a Monday evening in summers past.
  • BUT ALSO, We are going to seeshows for The Lumineers and (of course!) Twenty One Pilots this summer. I’m beyond thrilled for both of those adventures!
  • We are so lucky to have a gorgeous beach and several outdoor areas. I can’t wait to get in some good lake time, forest bathing, hiking, and picnics!
  • BUT ALSO, secretly hoping we’ll be able to get in some ocean beach time too. We’ll see. (fingers crossed!)
  • We love supporting our local food truck vendors! They come out for the summer concert series, and we keep tabs on where they’ll be popping up around town!
  • BUT ALSO, we have a Food Truck Ralley every summer. In years past they have turned the weather into Tornado Warnings/Watches so along with delicious food, live music, and the very best fresh squeezed lemonade, there’s that excitement!
  • New summer sunnies and a new floppy hat are thrilling me to no end! Summer toes, sandles, pool time and my cute pool wrap with fringe are really exciting me about the warm weeks to come!
  • BUT ALSO, after three long years away, I get to go home for a few days this summer and I can’t wait! I’m already composing lists of my favorite places to go and my best people!

Moral of this summer-hopeful tale is this: Wherever your life is at today, there is what is happening, BUT ALSO there is always hope.

education and re-education…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay

Oh, the brutality of April… I’ve chatted with enough people who also found April especially tough this year that I know I wasn’t alone… that being said, if you’re reading this post and thinking to yourself not me–this month was amazing, then know that I am so happy! It’s you who gives the rest of us hope.

I like to use my wrap days, at the end of each month, to reflect back on what life taught me over these past few weeks. To be honest, a lot of times I learn and relearn the same stuff. I guess someday it may stick!

  • This month I reconnected with what it was like to lose myself in a good novel. I actually did it twice, and both books were much bigger than my normal “page count” restrictions, so that was a lot of fun!
  • I learned that there is some speculation Lewis Carroll (Author of Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland) was a pedophile. This one really caught me off guard, and I had to sit in my feelings for a while. I love his writing and the Alice stories so deeply. The more I researched and read, the more I realized that it was all opinions from today projected upon life back then. Sometimes we get into trouble doing that because there are so many aspects we consider common sense, ethical, or human decency today that weren’t long ago. I made the decision to still love these things because they resonate so deeply, and in the end, we just don’t really know.
  • I learned of a pretty well-known challenge to eat 30 different plants a week. Most people do it for a week but we’ve been trying to reset this every Sunday and do it through every week. We haven’t made it yet, but my chart is usually at 27 or 28 so I’m not going to consider it a loss. (The best thing I learned about this process was initially when I realized our normal weekly diet averaged between 20 and 25. What an awesome feeling that was!)
  • I’m learning how to use watercolors. The biggest reality I’ve had to adjust to is that it will be a process and take time to learn, but I do really love it!
  • I’m learning about creative dating! On the 2nd Chw and I celebrated our 28th anniversary and made the commitment to try A-Z dating over the next year, meaning intentionally creative dates must start with a letter, and we check them off when done–sort of like a bucket list. We aren’t going in order because logistically that seemed unlikely. We did do A, with the Alice Experience–an underground hidden immersive experience. It was so much fun and the perfect way to kick off this A-Z adventure!
  • I learned, (in a very unfortunate way), about Haglund’s Deformity. BOO!
  • I learned my husband and I would both be happy living a life where we only ate tacos and cookies. (Also, because we really diversify the types of each of those foods, we could still manage our PLANT challenge… It’s the perfect lifestyle, don’t you think????)
  • I’ve learned the right romper can be very flattering, and I’ll be honest–this one shocked me the most!
  • and finally, that going to a paint night with Chw will undoubtedly mean his painting will be far better than mine… but oh, was it fun!

It’s been a pretty quiet month really. Unstable weather, stress, heavy workloads, wrapping up edits and revisions on my memoir… The biggest lesson I’ve learned where that is concerned is that the writing of the book is actually the part requiring the least amount of work. I’m staying centered and grounded, working on not allowing myself to slip into a state of overwhelm.

My every-month take away remains, most importantly, to continue chasing beauty, adventure, and magic as authentically and intentionally as this life will allow.