my morning meltdown…

Good morning! 
I realize I barely get the right to say that, as it’s only minutes away from eleven a.m. 
Considering the rocky morning we’ve had around Chez’ Wagner though- it’s progress. :) 
Things are much better than yesterday. Except I have this weird swelling in one area of my gums, but you don’t want to hear about THAT- trust me… 
The sun is shining some, which is absolutely excellent. 
We were going to spend the morning on a photo excursion and then go swimming, but alas- one of the two of us was not at all co-operative and so here we are, me getting a late start on a blog post and her- crying through math. Cest la’ Vie… 
In other news, what about those Oscar nominations, eh? See, while the rest of the world is emotionally caught up in football and whether or not their team will make it to the big Super Bowl- (most of my friends’ teams did NOT) i have been happily watching movies and mentally noting my Oscar predictions. Over all, {minus the Tree of Life} I am pretty pleased with them. There are two films I’ve yet to see- {The Tree of Life being one of them. I was hoping to avoid it.} And yes, I realize this is the part where I lose many of you because you are still caught up in your grief and sadness over your teams not making it to the SB. *sigh* 
Of course, now that the nominations are out- it’s time to start planning my Oscar party. I have a few ideas… I sent out paperless invites (I hate doing that, but I hear it’s the GREEN way to go.) and have had three people RSVP. Three… There are nine films nominated. The key thing to do is a food item representing each film. That’s a dang lot of food for three guests… 
One day, when we have a house with actual conducive space- I plan to do an Academy Award couples dinner party- complete with Red Carpet and over the top ridiculousness… This, this is just {another} good, old fashioned pajama party. 
Give it two weeks and I’ll be panicking and feeling completely rejected from invited friends, tinkering on the edge of suicide and quizzing everyone I see- {the homeless included} as to whether or not they own pajamas and would like to come. My how times have grown worse considering just 24 months ago I was interviewed by USAToday regarding my party… I shudder to think about next year… Of course, this is all in fun… sort of. But really, if i invited you- please come. K? 
This post took an unexpected turn so I’m going to close it now… 
I need to compose myself… 
Gosh, I wish I were swimming… 
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First things first…

This is the dreariest of Mondays, both inside and out… 
Outside our windows, wet winter drizzle tries to drown happiness and warmth. 
Inside our windows there is sickness, stress and worry over legal proceedings, life choices and the future. 
There is some grieving over the death of our wii. 
There is news of childhood suicides, which breaks my heart. (To clarify, the deaths are not of people our family knows directly, but it’s sad all the same.) 
Inside feels overwhelming and stuff, like I can’t breathe. I want to throw open the windows and let fresh air in. 
But, yeah… 
So, this is pathetically me, asking you to send your good vibes our way because we could sure use them today… 
And also, some tummy soothing tea, if you don’t mind. 
Thanks! 
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This week…


In my life this week…
Besides ranting about no snow and then being pelted by insanely wet and harsh snow-  and catching up on some personal writing- I am attempting to keep things fairly calm and doable around here because our evenings are about to get super crazy, ya’ll… 
In our homeschool this week…
We are finishing up The Adventures of Tom Sawyer in literature. Genny has loved this book and it has been really fun digging out the most random vocabulary words from Mark Twain’s work… 
We are also working on Time management. It’s all part of a unit study. Last week we completed Conservation. It seemed like a good direction to head as we re-dove into the homeschool way of things AND started a new year. 
My favorite thing this week was…
Nothing. Truth be told, it has been a HARD week. Defiance has ruled the roost and I am moody, and tired. This week will not go down in the greatest of homeschool weeks, that’s for sure… 
Questions/thoughts I have…
Other than the open ended “Will it get better?” plea, which just sounds depressing… We homeschooled for three years, then did one semester at a charter school and I feel like everything is all ruined… 
Things I’m working on…
I bought stuff for us to start Smash books. i am really excited to start them, even if they aren’t necessarily educational. I am also working on doing a purity retreat with Genny. I feel like, after the last 6 months for our family, this might be a necessity… BUT also, after the last 6 months we’ve been through and the way our days- with just she and I- are turning out- it might not be such a grand idea to retreat together. hmm…  

I’m cooking… 


I baked fresh bread and am trying to focus on comforting things in an effort to get our family back to a nurtured and comfortable place. Last night was homemade Chicken noodle soup. 

I’m reading…



I am reading, very snippetly, LOST by Greggory Maguire. I want to love it, and be captivated, but thus far i’m not too interested… 

I am grateful for…


Even if things seem hard and overwhelming right now, I am truly grateful that I get to bring Genny back home to educate and connect with her. I might have to remind myself, a few times, that I’m grateful, but I truly am… 


A photo, video, link, or quote to share…
I want to live in here… {original image link}
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right now…

I got this post idea from Caroline:

Right now I am…


watching:  right this second, nothing… when i have quality time with my tivo though, i am catching up on Glee, Parenthood, New Girl or the new season of Justified… 


eating:  fresh baked bread with real butter… yep.  


drinking:  ridiculous amounts of water, some iced tea and sipping on POM. it’s the way to do it, i’m convinced… 


wearing: jeans, a grey sweater over a black tee… pretty casual around here considering it’s my baking/laundry day. 

.

avoiding:  my phone like the plague… that’s all, really. 


feeling: a wee bit melancholy, despite all the sunlight we’ve had. 


missing:  a good, old fashioned social life. i’m lame. And in a funk. It was nice though, to meet a friend for Chai this am…


thankful:  for my amazing family, my home, the gift of being able to wake up to and care for said beautiful family, and so much more… despite my funk, i never forget how blessed i am.  


weather: gloomy ick with a major snowfront on the horizon. 


praying: about this re transition, for health in our family and for life stuff… 


needing: a massage… a vacation… a stiff drink, (kidding!)… a Genie. 


thinking: deep thoughts about frustrations and growth, moving forward and the likes… 


loving: breakfast with my husband… the food, the time chatting… the way it kicks off our day. 


and you?  what are you up to?

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the unexpected…

Seldom do even the tiniest things work out like I expect. Does your life work out like that too? 
Take this winter, for instance… While I wasn’t necessarily surprised by our lack of a white Christmas, I am finding myself pretty disappointed to glance up towards snowless mountains in the middle of January. Already, months before fire season, we are already dreading the air quality we are facing- as well as the lack of supreme camping access… 
Things like that. 
Or like bad RAD days with Gen. Or things my kids do that disappoint me. Or unexpected bills. Emergency medical crap… 
that’s the thing about the unexpected though- we have no idea when it will happen (or in some cases, not happen) or how… but flowers almost always grow from the rotted dirt, at least in some form. Beauty is there, stemming from the ugly- I am just realizing it is up to me to see it. 
Between you and I though, I am struggling with the snow thing. A good chunk of the reason is fear… Fearful of how hellish the summer smoke will make breathing. 
Mostly though, it’s because I had such high hopes/plans of photo opportunities with the glorious white blankets of lovely. *sigh* Guess my secret is out- i am super shallow. 
Also, i worry about how badly the lack of winter bliss is affecting our economy. 
But mostly, it’s the lack of photo ops… 
Silver lining? Sunny, April-like afternoons. But still. 
p.s. Come July, get your guest rooms ready (as long as the air quality at your place is breathable) because i’m coming…