Author: Mae @ Rainydayinmay

Desert native who claims the Pacific Northwest at home, while currently residing the Northeast. Lifecoach, Podcaster, PR writer, essay author, imaginary poet and every day dreamer...

Senile sentiments…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay15 Comments

Yesterday Genny and I decided that we wanted to while away the blustery, below zero afternoon with a little baking. I don’t know how this looks in your house, but in our house it looks a little like this-

I hate to bake, but allow her to talk me into it.

She stresses me out with flightiness and refusal to pay attention because once the process has started, she decides she wants to do forty-five other things instead, thus leaving me to do the baking alone. Which really is ok because it isn’t really that I hate to bake as much as I hate building up to the baking. It just sounds exhausting.

Ridiculous, isn’t it? Give me a complicated four course dinner party to cook for and my energy levels soar through the roof. Ask me to make a batch of cookies and I feel as though the life has been sucked out of me.

It sounds so complicated.

I’m too tired.

Blah, blah, blah…

I’m not proud.

009Once I am in the process though, I’m fine and I enjoy it. I psych myself out for all of the amazing baking adventures I am going to have now that I courageously faced my fears and realized baking isn’t so bad and scary after all. This lasts until the dishes are done.

Anyway, before all of that though, {at least “all of that” in yesterday’s episode of “hey mom, do you want to bake with me?”} I was pouring through my recipe box in search of something to make. I don’t do that often enough. In this season of life it’s all about the blog recipes and the Pinterest finds. My tried & trues sit collecting dust, and it’s sad.

A recipe box should be full of such happy things. Things like the recipe for grandma’s buttermilk cookies and my mom’s incredible egg rolls. The truth is though, that there are a lot of mixed emotion treasures in there too. Things passed down from my grandmother, whose penmanship I’ll never see again. Once merely a chicken scratched list of dumpling ingredients is now sacred. The Spanish rice bake to accompany last night’s chicken is written in my mother’s beautiful handwriting- handwriting that disappeared when she had her stroke.

And they are silly things really- handwriting, chicken scratch. But they are final things too, things that saw their end and now one visit through the recipe box becomes a breathtaking and painful reminder that things change.

One day I will walk into my kitchen and mix up a batch of muffins. I will feel a jabbing ache in my heart that there is no one there to eat them, or better yet- no one there to demand I make them and then run off to watch the Disney channel. I won’t be annoyed, like I was today- abandoned in the kitchen when I’d rather be reading. I will be sad. A normal moment will become huge and leave me gaping.

I know what I have to do.

While I still have the chance, I’m going to sucker her into baking something and then I’m going to go watch a movie and leave her with the work, the dishes and the mess. That way, when I am sixty, mixing muffins all sad and lonely- I’ll remember that, laugh and realize I am crazy for baking anything in the first place.

Sunday brunch wisdoms…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay3 Comments

There is a unique little bistro that our family adores, be it a date night, random family meal out or their extraordinary Sunday brunch. It’s our go-to special occasion eatery, (they are our absolute favorite street vendor during food truck rallies as well, so you could say we’re pretty loyal.)

We don’t make it every Sunday, or most Sundays for that matter, but when we do it always serves to be a memorable experience… Like the time our waiter insisted on giving our twelve year old daughter a glass of champagne to try, despite our urging that she was under age. (he did not believe us.)

Our focus, this weekend, was that of trying to spend quality time together. It seemed fitting (and we had a really great coupon, too) to head to brunch after church. Their menu changes every week, (except for the most amazing bacon on the planet. That never changes.) and after we familiarized ourselves with what was offered, we settled into a rhythm of conversation laced with random bits of people observation.

During our wait to find a table we’d sat near an Asian foreign exchange student his host family. The boy (14) was drawn to Genny almost instantly and his attention both embarrassed and stressed her out a bit. He was adorable and he obviously thought Genny was as well, which was sweet. Though she liked his attention, there was another boy around the same age that Genny felt drawn to. That boy, incidentally, did not give Gen the time of day.

All in all, it was a nice brunch, complete with delicious food and memories, but the parallels to every day life struck me. We often focus our attentions on things that simply don’t care about us, (television, internet, facebook, toxic people) while other bits of our life are staring sweetly at us- begging us to return their admiration. It all sounds so middle school and trite when lumped into the category of 13 & 14 year olds at a brunch bistro- but really it’s everywhere. It’s the beat with which our lives seem to function, distractions vs. reality.

Here’s to a week of like the boys who give us the time of day, and loving the ones here because they love us, while looking past the distractions for a change.

Escape…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay6 Comments

065 That last photo?

That’s totally me.

I am exhausted. I need a vacation… We were in the process of planning a weekend with friends, in a beach house, for my birthday. The opportunity had come up and my soul screamed “YES!!!” {of course, whenever the ocean is involved, my soul screams yes.}

Unfortunately, my birthday (this year) had the nerve of planting itself around Easter weekend and so, alas, the beach plans {at least for 9 weeks from now} are dead and gone.

My amazing husband dreams of sending me on a day at the spa, getting pampered and such. It’s a sweet thought though, truth be told, I’d fall asleep and miss it all and then hate myself all the more when I knew what he’d spent on such a luxury. Truthfully, I just want to pack my kindle, my Teavana pot and head to the coast. I’d love a few days of peace, where no one needed me to be anything for them. I’d love to read other people’s stories and face plant myself in the ocean every few hours, or so. On the way home i would stop in a stationary store to pick out a new set of note cards to make my weekend, and drop in to IKEA to pick out some new curtains.

THAT sounds perfect…

Someday! I’ll call it a writing sabbatical, when really it will be a major mental health moment mixed with the longest nap I’ve ever taken. For now, I’ll pop a melatonin and cross my fingers for 8 solid hours of ocean side dreams and baby elephant like face plants in the sea. :)

Wonder…

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022 It’s a pretty miraculous thing to wake up to a world that looks as lovely and perfect as I did this morning. Despite the anticipation I help for this fresh, new year, we have hurt happening in our family and it’s hard to watch- hard to handle. Dark nights lead to overcast mornings, where the emotion of fog, here at home, makes breathing and peace so difficult to grab for.

And then, then this morning kisses me hello and i see the world has gone and become bright and breathtakingly beautiful, while i sat wrapped in my worry and misery- alone. I wake to see branches wrapped in glimmer, shards of sunlight blinding me as I take it all in.

And I wake, again. More. Wake to the world, wake to the moment, wake from the fog and the sadness.

There is magic, of sorts, in this winter wonderland  shining around us. It was hard to miss, vibrant and blinding- but the beautiful magic is always going to be there really. In some way, at least. In the hummingbird outside the window- in the slow crawl to stand of a sweet little baby. Wonder surrounds us every second of every day. Obviously, these first weeks of 2013 I’ve just not been trying to notice- so today it took away my option.