Misty Wagner

a blog, a podcast, a journey

It is Friday and that means I am again linking up with several lovely writers over at Kate’s Five Minute Friday spot!

(If you aren’t familiar, every friday we free-write for just FIVE minutes, prompted by one word. This week’s word is BUILD.)

~

The foundation was shaky, shattered, torn.

I was broken, this I knew.

My heart lived, aimed, at the idea of a family and a home. My seventeen year old daydreams saw myself with a faceless husband doing household chores in a sleeveless t-shirt, laughing with a laugh which melted my heart. I imagined no lavish excess, just a simple roof over our heads and three beautiful faceless children. I knew they were two girls and one boy, and I knew that although I could not see their faces, this feeling they pricked deep within my core was the motivation for everything.

I sat, in a breakdown. Devastated, exhausted and so damaged from break-on-top-of-break, of my scarred girl heart. That dream propelled me forward, daring to believe there had to be something more than abandonment and loss.

And there was.

It may not have been how I had thought it would be, and it certainly was not all roses and sunset kisses, once I got there, but I did build a life, despite that terrible foundation. I learned the pain, and the redemption, in tearing out that foundation and laying a new, truth-bricked one in its place.

Together, that man (whose laugh I had dreamed up at seventeen) and I built a home. It was not composed of roof tiles and painted walls, but rather a space that moved wherever we did, warmth and rich in unconditional love, support and the freedom to grow as we needed.

This home was everything neither of us had known, as children, and just what we had needed.

~

(My inspiration for this piece is the song To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra. It is beautiful and it deserves a listen.)

12 thoughts on “To Build…

  1. Bethany V. says:

    This is beautiful and very moving. Thank you for sharing your journey. (I listened to the song as well, it was lovely and will be going on my playlist).

    1. thank you so much! I’m glad you like that song, it is very special…(Also, many film soundtracks agree!)

  2. This is my first time, I believe, stopping by from FMF. So enjoyed your post…the picture of dreams fulfilled!

    1. thank you so much! I’m glad you stopped by!

  3. I love this line “It was not composed of roof tiles and painted walls, but rather a space that moved wherever we did, warmth and rich in unconditional love, support and the freedom to grow as we needed.” What a proper view of the word “home”. Also, that is one of my favorite songs!

    1. GREAT MINDS! (but it’s such a beautiful song….) and thank you!

  4. Lesley says:

    I love your testimony of managing to build something good, despite a difficult beginning!

  5. Carol says:

    Your story is beautifully told. I’m glad for the way you are building! I’m visiting from #fmf.

  6. Misty, this is just so, so beautiful.

    You’ve inspired some…well, doggerel.

    If I’d’ had a crystal ball
    I would not have believed that today
    I’d have dogs, wall to wall,
    awake, asleep, at play.
    I thought that my life would be
    a picture from a book
    lived with grace and dignity,
    perhaps by a babbling brook.
    But here I am, canine-besieged
    upon a desert mesa,
    and my noblesse is obliged
    to have a whiskey and chaser!
    No, not really, I’m just kidding;
    I was made for this, from the beginning

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