Obviously thinking about that hasn’t done me a lot of good. It isn’t that nothing is going on. A lot is going on. Packing, moving, house stuff, horribly awful family drama, sophomore finals, high school meltdowns, family outings, date nights, new podcast episodes, and the list goes on… Mostly though, I’m thinking about what comes next? How to get from where I stand, to where I’m meant to be. Yesterday we had the privilege of hearing an amazing sermon that spoke so deeply to me about our expectations of God and our purpose in life. It all fit so neatly into this inner struggle I’m having with my What Comes Next? Dilemma…
And my inner battle reminds me just how human I am.
I have this idea. This vision, if you will, of what I want. It’s my dream, I guess. I have no earthly idea how to get from my place of point A.) to it’s fruition of point B.) NONE. If it were, say, Point Z.) that would make more sense because there would be clearly defined steps to take… But there aren’t, and so I get overwhelmed and I choose the completely pathetic action of doing nothing. I might pray for it to happen, but don’t expect it to. I might wish for it to be, but don’t believe it could happen to me. I don’t work for it, because I don’t want to be disappointed I guess. I answer every question with a “how?” Thus being the evidence of my humanity.
It’s very much like, I was saying to a friend this morning, standing in New York City and needing desperately to get to London but not having the use of a plane or boat. How? What comes next?
I guess that’s the only answer, God.
Last week as I sat listening to verbal abuse on the phone and realizing how easily it is for others to hurt us, and how sometimes there is that one person who has been hurting us our whole lives and this time feels like the grand finale of all wounds- What Comes Next? God.
It’s the only answer that makes sense. Today (and everyday) I’m going to trust and expect God to get me out of this awful place someone else’s misery put my family in. Right now (and every minute) I’m going to trust and expect God to (metaphorically) get me to London.
I guess, essentially, expecting is what comes next.