Category: marriage

Whack…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay3 Comments
These days I am forced to think about the small moments as the most important ones. I feel like, in every area of my life there is some sort of issue. There isn’t a relationship, aside from my marriage, that is going smoothly- and this makes me sad. I get frustrated and I just feel suffocation, like it’s all out of control and coming to an end… 
But then, the sunlight streams through the trees in that gleaming way which screams reassurance. Not reassurance in one thing, but just something reassuringly beautiful. 
And I’ll take it. 
I’ll hold it so close to my heart that my chest becomes it’s home- and I will return my palm to it every time the outside life makes me want to kick and scream and cry. 
I decided today that I’m going to do that, this week, hide myself in the little things. In the wonders and the minutes that surprise me sweetly. The big things are ugly today, and tomorrow too… Not forever, but for awhile, and if I think about that- I can’t handle it… 
So, right now, it is the little things. The candy covered ground, flecked with pinata fragments- that’s where you’ll find me. Which is ok, because if I stand up- I am likely to get hit upside the head with the swinging bat. 
Candy is way better… 
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Truly, madly, deeply…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay4 Comments
i kind of had this relationship between my divorce and reconciliation. We had been friends, (albeit new friends) when my marriage fell apart and then, a few months later he professed his love for me. 
Via song. 
Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden, to be exact. 
It’s kind of funny because the emotion that song evoked, in me, upon gaining national radio (over played) airtime was more along the gagging, eye roll expressing emotion. When you fast forward a year or so, add a guy to the mix and when he sings that song to me (expressing that it is his favorite song EVER) suddenly it is the most exceptionally beautiful song ever written… 
But we, as people are kind of complex like that. 
I mean, I love my husband. I LOVE him, and I believe that in loving him- more than anything else- it means I am actively choosing him constantly. And the thing about choosing is that I did choose my husband over the Truly, Madly, Deeply guy. The one person who had been there (aside from Chw and I) to know the hurt and pain that was my every day existence. We grew as close as we did, in the short time frame that we did because my husband sadly left me with nothing but broken shambles of something that hadn’t been so great to begin with. He got to know me through my fragmented life, my fragmented heart. Did he love me truly, madly or deeply? Maybe. In his own way. Did I love him? I did. Not in the way I ever loved my husband, or anyone else for that matter. It was something real though. 
Something from a long time ago. 
And I’ve never regretting coming home to Chw. 
I have never regretting closing that door and telling the TMD guy goodbye… NEVER. 
And then, one day I am driving down the road and what song should come on the radio? 
Yep. 
And rationally I think, it shouldn’t matter. It’s over. That was a long time ago and I do love my husband in a way that nothing else could even remotely compare to.
Yet, my heart stirs. 
Something tugs internally, and tears threaten to stream. 
And I thank God that although I love my husband every day, that on this particular one I wasn’t harboring any resentment or anger towards him because folks- that moment right there is the stuff that affairs and divorce grow from. 
That’s the seeds. 
No matter how safe or protected we believe we are- the seeds ARE there as sure as our heart and lungs are. They are there, in one form or another, and they wait. 
They wait to tug when we are in that frame of mind that might nurture them along. Maybe it’s a nostalgic moment, or an old familiar scent in the air. Perhaps it’s a compliment from a co-worker or the grazing of hands in the work place. 
I know this is a little deep, but it’s worth saying (and hearing) and repeating. Marriages, at their rock solid strongest, are more fragile than anything else we have. And our spouses, even at their most selfish and annoying are still the ones we chose- just like even at our most disgusting and bitchy- we’re theirs… 
Now, to lighten to mood here is a sampling of the most cliche’, nauseating and infinitely beautiful song ever recorded… (although, not any less cliche’ my personal favorite would be Annie’s song by John Denver) 
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Confession: Single Lady…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments
So, my husband moved over the weekend. 
I know, i know. To many of you a resounding quake of shock and awe is rolling beneath your planted butts feet.
The thing is, though I have done my fair share of whining and complaining over the past six weeks, on this blog, I was embarrassed to tell you how bad things had gotten.  
It was ugly, you guys, and at the end of the day I have felt only guilt and responsibility for the situation with Chw… 
You see, as you may remember, I was sick. 
REALLY sick. 
And i couldn’t sleep much, or in connected spurts at all. It was pretty miserable and while he was willing to tolerate a few nights of his disturbed beauty sleep, he had to admit pretty quickly that a grumpy bear of a father/husband and a completely checked-out ill mom/wife are a bad combination. 
So, he left me… 
For the couch. 
And he’s been there ever since. 
And it was sad, and yet not sad all at the same time. 
But over the weekend, though I still struggle sleeping and breathing and coughing and actually staying asleep- he deemed me well enough for him to move home to our bed. 
These are good days ahead folks… 
I love my well rested man… (now let’s just hope nothing is lingering and he doesn’t catch the plague I now call September…)
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the back up plan…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay8 Comments
Recently my husband was asked to sit in a meeting where he walked away with some very grim insight into the future of his current job. That being said, I realize most men are hardwired to worry about things like job security and to obsess over things like work. It took me awhile to get this, but now I do. Over the years, upon coming to this place I have learned to be a bit more aware of Chw’s sensitivity to this, therefore encouraging him. 
So, when he fumbled through our evening acting a little funny, I simply waited. At eleven when he sat me down and said we needed to talk, I sat down to listen. 
He’s worried. 
He’s worried to the point of coming up with crazy suggestions like selling all of our worldly possessions and moving to New Mexico. Or joining the circus… 
From what I gather, he (along with other managers) has been given the task of finding ways to cut extreme costs or they are looking at time served in the unemployment line. 
“We need a back up plan.” He flatly stated. 
A back up plan. 
For, you know, if our lives (as we know them) fall apart. 
This really got me thinking… 
Unfortunately my daily fantasy of living pool side in Phoenix, with my spanish tiled roof and rock front yard (just minutes from BOTH IKEA and Trader Joe’s) doesn’t really fit into the idea of an emergency back up plan. So, pretty much I had nothing to offer him. (suffice it to say I am NOT really a huge fan of the NM part of this plan. The circus thing I could work with because the circus has elephants, and giraffes. But also clowns, so it’s still a scary option, but doable.) So, instead I took the other side of the spectrum. Why did i have to wrack my brain over a back up plan, if I was able to single handedly revolutionize things at his company, therefore saving them loads of cash. 
Genius right? 
Brainstorming, at nearly midnight, here’s what i came up with… 
{and personally, if you ask me, it’s an awesome first draft!} 
  • First off, the company spends roughly $30,000 per month in electricity. I immediately suggested applying for a grant that would cover a huge chunk of transitioning to partial solar energy. Then i chided myself, pointing out that wasn’t extreme enough. We are talking CPR extreme changes needed, SO I suggested: why not have their employees work in the dark? They can wear the little miner head lamps so they can work more efficiently, of course… 
  • Second, periodically there will be safety luncheons, or training lunches that are catered. As far as i am concerned this is a HUGE waste of money. I remember many a school day field trips where my mom was asked to provide a few dollars to cover my sack lunch consisting of a PB & J, an apple and a string cheese. There is no reason that these luncheons can’t function the same. Let’s face it, if these grown men feel like they would need more food- they can bring it themselves. Or what about a safety potluck? SEE! The possibilities are endless!
  • Third, I feel that on occasion some of the employees can behave a tad on the need-to-be-babysat-6 year old scale of things. Being one who actually grew up and became an adult roughly twenty some years ago, I feel this is a little sad. I suggested letting a person from each shift go and hiring a drill sergeant to take their place. My prediction was that within 90 days things would be running far smoother than they ever have before, and with A LOT less screw ups.
  • Lastly, was my extreme motivator. Earlier this week one of my husband’s employees was injured. Suffice it to say a VERY large metal drill (think radius of a tire) came fiercely into contact with his head. Not pretty… The good news though is, after an ambulence ride to the hospital, a ton of lost blood and a few days of R & R, he is doing awesome and itching to come back to work. I say, let’s slap a label on this thing (thus birthing the Head Gong) and throw it into the mix. 

It would work like this: 
  • Employee A gets in trouble for constantly ruining parts due to his inability to stop day dreaming about ALSO living poolside in Phoenix. HEAD GONG. 
  • Employee B clocks in late 40 days in a row, actually rolling his eyes at my husband’s pleas for him to be on time and care about his job. HEAD GONG. 

I mean we’ve already proven it to be safe and obviously highly effective… (read: itching to come back to work.)
Suffice it to say, my husband wasn’t really on board with any of my suggestions. He’s such a party pooper. 
My new back up plan suggestion: Worst case scenario, i can be hired out by companies to revolutionize the way they do things, streamline their methods and save them money. I think it’s obviously a real hidden skill I have. 
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Not one, but two…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay5 Comments
For argument’s sake let’s just say, hypothetically, that my wedding anniversary is in a few weeks. 
Ok. Technically speaking, my wedding anniversary is in a few weeks. 
When we decided to reconcile our divorce, in 2001, we may have briefly considered remarrying on our original date (April 2) but truth be told, I don’t think we really thought much about such things. And then, six months after our remarriage, when April the second rolled around, I pointed out that it was our anniversary and well… 
We began to disagree. 
My loving and adoring husband wanted the past to remain in the past. Fresh start and all that. While I agreed to a certain degree, I also knew that those first five years of marriage were just as crucial to who we were individually and together as anything else could be. 
Welcome to the impass. Complicatingly we settled neatly into the rut of ignoring our anniversary completely. “you know, it is so inconvenient that November 10th is just before the holidays. Why don’t we just do something special on April 2nd?” 
But then… 
“wow, April the 2nd is just a few days after my (Misty) birthday and a few weeks before yours, (Chw) which seems complicated. Let’s wait and do something really special November 10th.” 
Something truly tragic was born. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying one date needs a first class trip to Paris, but some form of acknowledgement/honor is pretty vital to the life of a marriage. Invest in each other… 
At some point, we grew up. By grew up I mean we took this awesome class which led to us having a reclaiming ceremony for our original anniversary and now we celebrate both. (the entire solution was obvious all along, I don’t know why we weren’t really getting the clue!) 
The one thing we have never (ever) done however is Anniversary gifts. Never. Not the first marriage round and not this one. Wait, I take that back. When Gen and I moved to Idaho and Chw stayed behind in Michigan until he found a job here, he did send me a beautiful T & Co. necklace and roses for our November anniversary. Truth be told though, i think that was more or less one of those absence makes the heart grow fonder sort of deals. At any rate, we’ve decided to shake things up a bit. In a few weeks the pressure is on and we are exchanging gifts. It’s our remarried 10 year date. Seems like a good time to shake up tradition a little bit. I totally know what I am giving him (and I benefit too) but every day when he asks me for hints I can think of nothing. 
Any ideas? 
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