Category: gratitude

People have REAL problems… I get it. I logged on facebook last night and saw hundreds of them, just from my click of a mouse… But still, I feel as though I am drowning. 

I don’t know why… 

We are at a good place in the process with Genny, or at least it finally feels that way. 

After a major emotional break through with her on Thursday, Gen seems to be in a good place right now. Things are going well for Chw, L’s deployment is being cut short, Amanda will be home next week,  things are going well for everyone and after the five years we’ve had- things going well is an awesome accomplishment… 

But still… 

Maybe it’s that i’m tired. I’m tired of watching my poor kidlet struggle and ache because she just wants this ordeal to be done. Maybe it’s because I have gotten to where I struggle and ache too. It’s been a long journey, but these past six months have been excruciatingly long and hard. I feel like we’ve all aged a bit. 

I feel like I just want someone to pull me into a hug and say “see that finish line? You are almost there…” But instead I press on, and I barely make it through these ridiculously hot days. 

Sorry I have been quiet. Hospitalized for a migraine, over night. 

Good news: no brain tumors or aneurysms! 

Bad news: too much stress! 

More stretching, more yoga. More water, less vodka. Just kidding… No vodka. That’s the awesome thing about being married to a man (who doesn’t really drink) that grew up in a severely alchoholic home- life drives me NOT to drink. I become the celebratory partaker. 

Good news: odds of being an alcoholic get significantly smaller. 

Bad news: I could probably use a drink. 

In all of my self absorbed hellish head pain and new found addiction to stress (go figure), I thought I would update you on a few things I am really loving these days… you know, in an effort to be all grateful, positive and stuff… 

– phone calls from Afghanistan ROCK MY WORLD! 

– whenever they chat, Lucas and Chw plan wood projects. Warms my heart every time. 

– Teavana. Have you ever been to a shop? It’s like the golden coral of awesome tea, and really happy/smiling tea pushers. Yum! 

Newest wishlist item: this :) 

Newest total long shot wishlist item: this  *sigh*… Chw laughs every time… 

– Drop Dead Diva. I am not kidding. i am not a huge tv watcher, but I caught wind of this show and it’s so good! Chw, (the man who loves a smart chick flick) is equally obsessed. We stayed up evenings, after G went to bed, watching the seasons to catch up with the current season. SO good. so funny. We know NO ONE else who watches this show, yet this show is really popular… One thing I love is that the main character (Jane) is so much like my dear friend Angie! 

– summer veggies. Farmer’s Markets are overflowing and I LOVE it… We had a huge pan full of steamed squash and zucchini with TJ’s 21 spice last night and it was juicy HEAVEN… yum. Tonight, Asparagus. Tomorrow night, fresh green beans… I can’t stand all of the deliciousness. 

– The Kuerig Sweet tea K cups. S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y… I could LIVE on Tea and veggies right now. (and coconut milk base smoothies… and greek yogurt… and frozen yogurt.) 

One thing I am not loving, is trips to the mall. I am not kidding. I hate the mall. If I go once a year, it’s too much. Gen, being 13 and a girl, LOVES the mall… So Chw, or Lucas (when he’s home) or Amanda will take her and I am tremendously grateful. First, a few weeks ago, my phone case broke and I ordered a new (knock off) from the internet for super cheap. Super cheap knock off turned out to POC case and I had to go to the mall to buy a new one from Apple, for full price. Boo. (but cheaper than replacing the phone.) Then, our ipad starts crashing. It’s a gen 1, so we just figured that might be the way it will be. We took it in (separate trip) and they did a test, gave us instructions and told us to come back. (did you just tell me to make a THIRD mall trip???? yay!) We went back on Sunday and they swapped it out for a brand new Gen 1 ipad (To which Chw said “wait, they still make those?” LOL. Because it’s a whole 2 years old…) which now, ALSO crashes all of the time. Personally I believe it’s a secret ploy to get people to upgrade. Boo… 

My point, with the mall rant though, is this weekend G and I are going to have some girl time and I asked her what she wants to do. Guess what she said?!?!?!? 

Ugh… 

Time to go do some more deep breaths, drink some tea and do a little stretching… De-stressing at it’s finest. :)

Last night we had the really cool opportunity of doing some volunteer kid time at a local women’s and children’s home. We did some art projects with them, played with them and otherwise just chatted with them about things. 

It has been ten years since I worked in a children’s home, and nineteen years since I’d grown up in one. It’s funny how the day to day monotony of life glosses over those memories. 

Regardless of where they are, or who is there with them, at the end of every day these kids are just kids. 

They love and want to be loved. 

They play and want friends to play with. 

It was really bittersweet for me. 

Only one of my kids never lived in a place like that, and it is no surprise that she is the most entitled and ungrateful of my kids. I know that sounds harsh, and I am not (by any means) belittling her or the hard beginnings she had before coming to us… Mostly, my criticism is of me. 

Living in a place like that, whether you are there with your mom or not, isn’t easy. 

It is isolating, can be embarrassing, it challenges your worth and causes (usually) some degree of damage. While this can be made better, or worse, depending on other factors (like staff, degree of life outside of the group home, etc) this is just a reality. 

My perspective was shaped by my six years growing up in a home. My perspective was further shaped by my 5 years collectively working with three different Children’s home facilities and later, coming to love my two older kids (who had spent middle and high school in one of those homes). 

I expect Genny to not take for granted. I expect her to be grateful for things and opportunities. I expect things that I don’t even know how to summarize in words, from her- that I feel, or that my two older kids possess… 

But from the age of 4-13 she has led a privileged life. She’s had her own room, and her own things, and a loving family, and family traditions… 

And suddenly I realized, she isn’t the one who’s got it wrong. Her entitlement and lack of gratitude might be less of those, and more of comfort and stability. She has a gift that we didn’t have, and when it’s all said and done- that “second nature” is not something she should be punished for. 

Even if I can’t relate…