Category: chronic illness

It’s friday, I’m in love…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment

I would love to delve into the Cure lyrics here and say that I don’t really care if Monday is actually grey, but I’d be lying. This whole week was a little grey honestly. My husband is away on business and I’m missing him. On top of that there has just been sickness, fibro crap, a dental nightmare and odds and end little things that would bury me alive, if I let them.

(I won’t!)

Instead I’m focussing on the great things, and I’ll be honest, I have had to practice being aware and think a lot more about what this week’s little list might look like…

1.) Portugal. The Man... Heard them? While they aren’t new to my radar (think indie alternative meets totally fresh and amazing) this week I found myself gravitating more to their music that I have before. Big awesome, and very much the bulk of the soundtrack carrying my week.

2.) Sweet potato dog chips. Basically I believe they are dried sweet potatoes. We tried making them a few years back and it was a bust. I became so jaded from the experience that I swore my dogs would never eat sweet potatoes again. (just kidding, that’s not true) We did recently pick up a large bag of them and I can honestly say both dogs love them far better than treats. The super nice thing is that 3.5 month old Elenor will stay “busy” on one for a good chunk of time, giving me a small window of productivity.

3.) This book! While I am pretty new to the Enneagram, this book seems to be the perfect launching pad and I am loving it!

4.) You guys… This week I stumbled upon a 55 gram of protein shake, (55!!!) that tastes like dessert. Seriously, it was decadent. (Nutri-bullet: 1 chocolate Premier protein, 2 scoops Chocorite Peanut Butter protein, 5 ice cubes, 1 banana (potassium!!!) and listen for the Angel’s chorus…

5.) Last but not least, this movie! I was lucky enough to catch a showing, earlier in the week, with a friend. We live in a time when new movies come and go so fast, and most of the time they have the feel of mass production products over art. I realize this film is bombing critically, and as a former critic I get it. Here’s the thing though, critics pick faults by nature- it’s the job. (I can also tell you that watching movies, as a critic, sucks.) I know that average viewers aren’t loving it by the majority either. I think maybe it is marketed as something it isn’t… I think the Sweet Home Alabama fans are shouting from their rooftops “FINALLY!!!” and flocking to see it, expecting Sweet Home Alabama. It isn’t. (not even in the same genre) It is Home Again. Not better, but very, very different. Also, it is very, very beautiful…

So that’s my week… Other bright spots are the constant laugh-til-tears over Elenor and her huge personality… She’s going to her first sleepover tonight and I do declare, I’m going to miss this girl like crazy! Tell me about your week…

My mind isn’t always my friend…

Published on by Mae @ RainydayinmayLeave a comment

Yesterday was the sort of day when it’s a struggle to find one single thing to be grateful for, which seems a little ridiculous when you think about it, after the fact. I felt so inundated with complexities, loved one’s health issues, my own body’s limitations and dog poop. It was overwhelming, at best, and this girl who very seldom cries shed a lot of tears. I remember a point where I tried to think of ONE thing to focus on, that was great, but could think of nothing.

Not one thing.

That is pretty sad. I don’t feel comfortable with my default being a macro focus on my own short comings and life hiccups. By the time I dared to sleep, shortly after 2 a.m., I was able to think of volumes of amazing gifts that I have, but of course that comes at a cost too. The guilt. The guilt of not being mindful, of taking things for granted. My day, which had been speckled with music I love and conversations with people who I am so grateful for had become a short-sighted list of complaints. Today I want to journey towards preventing that to happen again.

Sure, bad days happen. None of us are free of that risk, but I’m contemplating, this morning, how much more I complicated things by focussing on my own pain and limitations, and then frustration.

Today is a new day!

It began with a great cup of coffee, a nice walk with my Emma girl (who was a huge canine complication yesterday, to the point that I was ready to give her away on the spot!) and an 8000 mile bridged text conversation with the husband. What is there to complain about that? NOTHING!

Now, tomorrow morning I have a too-early dentist appointment, so maybe my Thursday won’t be so great… Ha!

one, two, three, one…

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The mornings are cold, the dogs sneeze around bites of breakfast and I want to stress to them the importance of bundling up and cuddling but they just don’t get it. Emma, the older and grumpier of the pair, (and I say pair, but really, but they are never together and don’t like each other) would pose a threat to my life if I were to attempt a cuddle. Elenor, on the other hand, may be as shivery and sleepy as can be, and the second I attempt to snuggle she becomes a playful and ferocious beast, all teeth and wagging tail.

My husband is getting ready to say goodbye to today, as he is on the other side of the world and it is very nearly tomorrow, there. As he spends this time in the future, I find myself much more aware the time, time zones, timing. Time is a funny thing, at times it crawls, as I fear these next weeks will do. Other times it speeds by so fast, I am left dizzy and altered.

This morning I am pondering hurricane damage, flood and fire brokenness and how, though I may not love Michigan, I am very lucky to be here. So many people I love have experienced such fear and loss these weeks of calamity. The worst thing I’ve had to face, other than my husband’s departure to Australia, is a small cold and a 36 hour migraine. In the grand scheme of things, it’s a whole lot of nothing major.

Here in Michigan it did seem like Fall came out of nowhere. All of a sudden I needed to pull sweaters out of storage, and keep the kettle plugged in for cups of tea throughout the day. Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all complaining. Autumn is my favorite, but I am giving pause. With the arrival of Autumn, (after such a strange summer) i am forced to confront that winter is not far behind.

Over these next few weeks I am focussing on small things. Small goals, moving towards a healthier me, place and perspective. Today I am taking small steps towards those bullseye destinations…  Everyone knows about that one quick way to shed a few pounds, or change-up a routine, or make you an instant morning person, and that is so great. What I’m looking for however are those small things which pave the way to the bigger picture lifestyle of healthy all around. For me, this morning, that looks like an early morning walk, a smoothie for breakfast, and RX bar for snack and a reconnection with my quiet time.

For the week I aim to take in a yoga class, practice tai chi, read a book and write a letter.

Small, attainable, intentional…

In the dark & quiet…

Published on by Mae @ RainydayinmayLeave a comment

Ten Fifty-Four has found me sitting, legs tucked deep, on this grey velvet couch in darkness. It is quiet, minus the hum of the air conditioner. The cable knit throw spread across my lap has been my friend today. It isn’t that I am feeling sick, or down, or sad, or tired- more or less that I seem to be a rubber-band-ball of feeling and not feeling and everything which radio signals in between. My mind, these days, sits like a dump truck carrying fifty ton loads of encyclopedia volume life-junk. As soon as I muster the bravery to dump one load, another is air dropped inside and I carry it around awhile.

We all do this, I am certainly not special.

This season I walk, barefoot, through milestones and measure-stones and sleeplessly dark evenings. I sip wine, I sip coke (zero sugar because all good things come to an end and I should stop drinking soda ((again)) all together but unfortunately there’s no room in my dump truck for such a task right now.) I sip and I ponder. I think on things, remember things, worry some, plan some, and practice letting go, letting go, letting go.

It is amazing how one Monday can flow into being, on the waves of hope and sunlight only to be followed by a new Monday bobbing along in the stormy seas of drowning agony and chaos. Such is life. Such is Parenthood. Such is home. Such is American.

America.

I saw a t-shirt the other day apologizing to the rest of the world for our president. I get it, honest. But why not toss the shirt and become an example of gracefully loving the people around us? If 100 of us did that, in just one day, we would make the world better for a minimum of one thousand people. It’s a small number within the grand scheme of America, but it’s a start. If they spread, and it grew, then we would not feel the need to apologize about anything because would actively be making the world a better place rather than spotlighting the ways in which it isn’t.

I also so a post on Instagram comparing our American and World society during the last solar eclipse verses this one. I am so sad that we as a people spotlight and high light the negative. I get it, I do. We don’t want to naively ignore reality for the escapism of nauseating cheerfulness. Totally. But say I have a mug of boiling water. I have options. I can throw the boiling water on the nearest body… I can whine about how the water is so hot, and I didn’t put the water in my mug so it isn’t my fault, and who wants a mug of water anyway when it’s early and coffee sounds better… I can steep some tea. (but what if one doesn’t like tea? Well then, I could steep some tea and share it with someone who does.) My point is, there isn’t anyone in the world who doesn’t realize what a cluster-mess the state of things are, at this given time. We all know, so why keep highlighting it, spotlighting it and throwing the boiling water on the people paying attention. Let’s close our lips and take some action.

Regarding the state of things and the world we live in…

  • Families traveled in car loads to stare at the Eclipse together. It became vacation worthy, something to meet up on the path of totality with other family members from other parts of the country. Neighbors and strangers chatted and shared in something truly extraordinary.
  • Somewhere out there someone became a widow, has a terminally ill child or is facing a terrifying operation and strangers banded together to raise money and send so much love. At no other time in history did acts like these occur at such volumes.
  • Random Acts of Kindness spread like wildfire. They are contagious, and it is not uncommon to know of someone who has done one (or ten,) or been a recipient, on any given day.
  • Flowers are still blooming, the sun still rises and sets and nature still looks as beautiful as it did then, only we have better ways of recording the proof and memory.

This is just the tip, for perspective. Yes, there is bad, ugly and worse. Let’s stop focusing on the gigantic zit on our chin, (I use that metaphorically, as well as literally, because I in fact have a giant zit on my chin.) because no matter how huge that pimple is, it is but a fraction of the rest of our appearance. Gratitude changes lives, positivity changes hearts and both lead to action. Action changes everything…

Today I did not watch the eclipse. I did not wash the dishes. I did not do a face mask. I did not read a book. I did not practice a thousand daily tasks which I probably should have done. The good news is that all of them, minus the Eclipse, will still be there tomorrow. Hopefully the things I did do today count for something, and if not, well, I will shoot for that again tomorrow too.

This night I sip my Coca Cola and squint against the harsh light beaming from this laptop screen. Not too far from my feet sits a wicker basket piled high with neatly folded towels. On the other side of the wall at my back, lay my handsome husband breathing soundly. The air conditioner is still singing, which tells me two things. One, it must be fairly dense and humid out despite the wind rustling the trees. Two, my power company is loving me.

Within this dark evening, wrapped in this blanket, I have nothing really vital to say. I simply have observations. Lots of nonsense, I am sure. My dump truck has a lot of room.

hey, hey, it’s the weekend…

Published on by Mae @ RainydayinmayLeave a comment

The weekend is here, (Hurrah!) and I feel like, as of late, everyone has been heading to the mountains but me. It isn’t that I love the mountains more than anyone else, just that my soul is a little jealous…

Friday came and went, this week. Having Chw out-of-town with a weird schedule, and a couple of fibro flare up days, I found myself a bit behind. Thanks to my beautiful people though, I received half a dozen inquiries asking where my friday five post was. Is that what we’re calling it? ok then… You asked-

1.) I took a Tai Chi class earlier this week. It was amazing on so many levels and helped me address issues in a few key problem areas within my body. (Full discloser, I did follow a yoga class with it, back to back, which likely helped.) I went in a skeptic and with one session it won me over.

2.) A fellow K-drama loving friend (and AWESOME writer) got me turned on the series Goblin. It is unlike any K-drama I’ve watched before. Confusing at first, and now so compelling.

3.) I am reading Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine and loving it. Really great read and I highly recommend it!

4.) Yesterday evening felt like Autumn. I had all of my windows wide open, breeze blowing my curtains. The air felt AMAZING and I just sat there wrapped in a blanket, watching Goblin and waiting for Chw to make it back to town. It was pretty perfect! I do hope, however, that this does NOT mean we are going to have an early/harsher winter.

5.) Day dreaming about vacationing here. Puerto Escondido, Mexico. Chw and I have talked about it more than once, and I’m not kidding when I say it randomly enters my mind at unexpected times throughout the day. We are just under two years away from our 25th anniversary. Maybe this will be our destination getaway? (perhaps once the change jar equals a puppy we can turn it from Project Puppy to Project Mexico???)

So there you have it… What would you like to share about the week behind us?