chronic illness, confession, depression, fibro, gratitude, journey

My mind isn’t always my friend…

Yesterday was the sort of day when it’s a struggle to find one single thing to be grateful for, which seems a little ridiculous when you think about it, after the fact. I felt so inundated with complexities, loved one’s health issues, my own body’s limitations and dog poop. It was overwhelming, at best, and this girl who very seldom cries shed a lot of tears. I remember a point where I tried to think of ONE thing to focus on, that was great, but could think of nothing.

Not one thing.

That is pretty sad. I don’t feel comfortable with my default being a macro focus on my own short comings and life hiccups. By the time I dared to sleep, shortly after 2 a.m., I was able to think of volumes of amazing gifts that I have, but of course that comes at a cost too. The guilt. The guilt of not being mindful, of taking things for granted. My day, which had been speckled with music I love and conversations with people who I am so grateful for had become a short-sighted list of complaints. Today I want to journey towards preventing that to happen again.

Sure, bad days happen. None of us are free of that risk, but I’m contemplating, this morning, how much more I complicated things by focussing on my own pain and limitations, and then frustration.

Today is a new day!

It began with a great cup of coffee, a nice walk with my Emma girl (who was a huge canine complication yesterday, to the point that I was ready to give her away on the spot!) and an 8000 mile bridged text conversation with the husband. What is there to complain about that? NOTHING!

Now, tomorrow morning I have a too-early dentist appointment, so maybe my Thursday won’t be so great… Ha!

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