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Desperately seeking Dobby…

Published on by Mae @ RainydayinmayLeave a comment

This Tuesday morning sunrise has me deep in contemplative thought…

As a 42-year-old woman, I have come to certain places within myself. There are things I must sometimes say, do or accept that I never could have mustered the capabilities of several years ago. There are also certain things which, twenty years ago seemed more attainable. Of the latter, I’m speaking of motivation and energy. (sidenote: also- Olive Garden. Twenty years ago this was though to be a fine dining establishment… It is things such as this which keep my grounded in gratitude for my forties and the realizations that come with such an age.)

My one and a half cups of coffee are gone now and I sit questioning if I should brew more or take my chances on energy and motivation coming from somewhere else. I mean, let’s be honest- coffee is delicious and does a great job at making the brain kick-start a morning, but it is not really the source of solid energy or motivation. At best, it’s an aid.

I’ve lost my motivation, and it seems all forms of energy have run away with it. Briefly I considered designing a telephone-pole-flyer seeking it’s return, but that sounded absolutely exhausting so I have instead decided to adapt to living without it. (obviously I’m kidding… I can’t live without it. Whoever took my motivation, I NEED it back! I know someone helped them leave, or abducted them. I don’t even care, I’ll look the other way and not pursue any legal action, I just want them safely home.)

Truthfully, I imagine it is a combination of moving, autumn, unusually warm weather for the season, moving and then when you factor in that I am 42 and just moved… My body and brain might be communicating a need for respite, (see: FORTY TWO)  Here’s the thing about respite though- I have deadlines. Respite simply cannot be scheduled until late spring or early next summer. My brain/body/nervous system will just have to put on their patience-pants and deal.

Tomorrow is the day when the Collective Podcast is back, with new episodes, and I am so excited! We’ve been working to connect our community of listeners with even more great women with journeys to share! This little growth-passion project has become something very special. I remember the early stages, where I desperately prayed for a companion to aid in the making of something, and now I have a network of amazing women who not only bravely share their stories, but passionately want to help and touch the lives of others! It’s humbling and beautiful. If you listen, thank you for that! There is no competition here, there is room for everyone. In this climate of womanhood, we have a real need for connection and The Collective has been a beautiful instrument of such!

When the essential oils, coffee, fresh-pressed-juices, walks on the beach and gentle stretching don’t do it- I’m wondering what you do to harness motivation? If you have brilliant (or even simple) tips, I’d love to hear them. As I mentioned, I have these little nagging deadlines (ok, not so little) and I welcome any/all help. Back to the topic of being my age, and coming into certain things about myself. One of the biggest ones has been knowing how to acknowledge what my needs are and then learning how to ask for them. That being said, in addition to needing any and all suggestions you may have, there is one other thing I desperately need…

I need a house elf. If you know how one can acquire such a gift, I’d love in. Is there perhaps a co-operative? A catalog service? Staffing agency? (I’m not talking about downplaying any forms of slavery, (I’m no Kanye) I will pay my own Dobby well. I happen to have a KNACK for finding great socks! Ask Elenor, she steals them all the time.)The truth is, I adore this little cottage we live in to such an extreme place deep within my soul, that I almost feel like I waited my entire adulthood to find this home. That being said, it is a cozy, little cottage. While it is super easy to clean, it also seems to get “dirty” quicker. (to clarify, I mean: lived in... It looks lived in. It also looks like we have a golden retriever, and to take it a step further, it looks like we have no house elf. I’m sure you get the picture.) While there are just the two of us (and Elenor, but she is naked most of the time) the laundry builds up more than before because our tiny little washing machine is sock sized. (as in, singular sock, not a pair) It is all so wonderfully maintainable, but is also beginning to feel like it might require more time to maintain. A house elf would fit in quite naturally and may agree to throw the ball for Elenor every now and again, while simultaneously keeping her out of the socks. Everyone wins.

(One last thing… central vacuuming for leaves. Where they are just instantly sucked into the earth. Is this a thing?)

The Nutcracker…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay4 Comments

Holiday movies are among my favorite Christmas traditions. I love the feel of it, and still enjoy getting dressed up to go.

Have you seen the trailer for The Nutcracker and the Four Realms??? Despite the fact that it is showing before pretty much every movie, of any genre, it is mesmerizingly beautiful! There is so much imagination within this film, plus the Nutcracker music is among my favorite Christmas sounds!

Are you excited for this movie? What are some of your favorite Holiday traditions? (also- bonus: Can you believe we’re even having this talk yet?)

Summertime madness…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay3 Comments

On the first day of summer, I woke up and poured my coffee like normal.

I washed my face, responded to a few emails and texts… It was a pretty average day.

Quiet.

My two dogs, Emma and Elenor, continued to remain civil yet distant. There was nothing which stood out as extraordinary.

On the first day of autumn, I woke up and poured my coffee, just like the beginning of the seasons which fell before.

In a new home. (well, new to us anyway)

In a different state.

With only one dog, the other having left this world.

At forty-two years old, I am no stranger to how quickly things can change, and yet this particular reflection has me overwhelmed by the truth growing there.

Hello, from Pennsylvania!

I missed Emily’s link up, but I’m sharing anyway because the reflection is good for the soul. (You can ask anyone I talk to regularly, I am so out-of-sorts and behind!)

So, in that sunny season, what did my life have me learning?

1.) I am capable, but just because I can doesn’t mean I should… 

This move was hard. The hardest we’ve had. I had to challenge my physical capabilities on an almost constant basis, which created all forms of other complications. My health and chronic garbage aside, I found I was far more able than I realized. I also concluded I can’t ever do anything like that again. It isn’t that I’m not capable, as much as I can’t do that to myself.

Also, moving is terrible and I don’t want to do it again. Even. I will die in this house.

2.) I still expect summer to be filled with long, lazy days and sun-kissed bliss. It never is… 

This isn’t just because of moving, it is simply this (societally induced???) notion of what I have always imagined summers to be, but for one reason or another they never are.

It isn’t a bad thing, and thankfully as our crazy summer unfolded, I really had to use lenses of Grace to differentiate between truth and fiction.

3.) Airline Miles are not nearly as awesome as they used to be…

Do you remember back when miles used to accumulate and when ready we could simply redeem them? Not too long ago, a roundtrip to Australia, for the husband, would have resulted in a free domestic ticket. This time around, FOUR round trips to Australia, plus three years of far-too-frequent domestic flights resulted in us still have to pay a ridiculous amount of money for “miles” so we could buy a ticket to go see our son.

A part of me wants to say, in a gratefully optimistic tone, well, at least they build up even if it’s slowly… But they expire, so I’m telling that sweet side of me to zip it. It’s irritating. (on top of baggage rates increasing… Do I sound like a cranky old lady yet? I feel like one, so I’ll take it!)

4.) I really like Pennsylvania and it was the right decision… 

I’ll be honest, this state is the LAST place I thought we’d end up. My husband was looking all over and even considered a couple of overseas positions. The one state we BELIEVED we were destined for- Utah- was the very wrong choice, we came to realize. Had someone asked me, on that first day of summer, if we were presented with both PA and Utah positions, which would we choose- HANDS DOWN both Chw and I would have said “UTAH!!!!” If you had asked our kids, they would have told you, without a moment’s hesitation, that we’d choose Utah. Ask friends? Family? Utah. And then, one evening brought us to the brink of choosing and we both knew overwhelmingly that Utah was not the path.

I am grateful for how things turned out. We love our house. We are getting to know our area. We have fallen head-over-heels with certain bits of it. We never found a home in Michigan. We never liked it, never got plugged in or connected. There is a mentality there which we just don’t mesh well with, but the first thirty minutes here showed us it’s a much better fit and twenty-six days later (for me) we are still seeing that.

And no one is more shocked than me. :)

5.) I love dogs, but… 

I’ve loved dogs my entire life. LOVED dogs!

I have had to sit in that vet office and say goodbye to three in two years, and I can’t do that anymore. My house, my yard, my dog-loving-heart have hit me hard with puppy fever. Elenor would LOVE a puppy friend. My heart still aches for a blue-tick-beagle boy, as my other one lived way too short a life and I loved him so… BUT, I can’t do that anymore. I cannot sit there and say goodbye.

I love dogs. I never thought the period would morph into a comma and be followed by a “but”, yet here we are.

6.) People…

Last but not least, we come to the heart of what summer has taught me: I have a hard time with people. Not all people… But, lets say, random strangers who want to buy/sell something over the internet. Specifically I’m referencing Facebook Marketplace and Ebay. I just… I keep waiting for my people-patience to rejuvenate, but it isn’t. I feel like the experience of downsizing and relocating while ALSO dealing with people in the afore-mentioned settings may have broken me irreparably.

When you add to that juvenile, cliquish behavior by grown women, people who can’t follow through with something and well, it’s actually probably a pretty long list. (see: old, cranky lady!)

But not YOU! Obviously, I love you.

I know I’m super late, but I’d love to hear if summer taught you anything…

That very first bestie…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment

I lucked into my first BFF-ship…

Her name is Melanie and she was born next door to me, 9 days before I turned one. Her family was like family to me. In fact, well before I really understood anything about love, relationships, etc- I was determined I would marry her brother. Years after that passed, she snuck away for quiet moments of kissing (i think) with my cousin. If adolescence were a soap opera, our lives would have had all of the elements…

We lived lifetimes with our Barbies, did sleepovers with all of the sleepover things 80’s kids did, played Atari (because we are old and that’s what you did, as a kid, when you’re old) and used our imagination to tape record ourselves playing all sorts of crazy things like Funeral, Erotic (or what we thought was naughty and fun, but really, we were dumb) storytelling, etc… We Parent-trapped our parents when a grudge between them (IOW: my bi-polar mom) wouldn’t allow us to hang out… We spent hundreds of hours slamming our bellies against one another, only the chain link fence dividing our homes between us- just talking, until the fence was so stretched out that it barely served a purpose…

When I finally had the courage to tell someone about the dark abuses happening in my home, this sweet little barely eleven year old girl was where I turned. When my journey took me into the care of a Children’s Group Home, she was faithful to write letters and keep in touch.

So many years have passed and our lives took us on very different journeys but I still hold Melanie (and her entire family) so dear to me. There is a special place, within my heart, reserved for the best of the best- and that is their VIP suite.

I think, with the hindsight of age, what makes this relationship so special is time. Not only the length of time we’ve been friends, but the things which our portions of time have held. I wish I knew her kids better, I wish she knew mine. There are things that I wish would be different because I’ve seen (thanks, old age) what a gift this friend has always been. Plus, she’s funny, and gorgeous and simply an amazing woman. I am so lucky to have lived a life where she was my lifelong friend.

Smallfoot is a film telling the tale of an unexpected friendship. (I am not an animated film lover but CAN NOT WAIT for this movie!) Have you seen the trailer? (Go ahead, I’ll wait!)

Synopsis: 

 An animated adventure for all ages, with original music and an all-star cast, “Smallfoot” turns a myth upside down when a bright young yeti finds something he thought didn’t exist—a human.

News of this “smallfoot” throws the simple yeti community into an uproar over what else might be out there in the big world beyond their snowy village, in an all new story about friendship, courage and the joy of discovery.

“Smallfoot” stars Channing Tatum (“The LEGO® Batman Movie,” the “Jump Street” films) , Zendaya (“Spider-Man: Homecoming”), Common (“Selma”), LeBron James (upcoming “Space Jam 2”), Danny DeVito (“The Lorax,” Oscar nominee for “Erin Brockovich”), Gina Rodriguez (“Jane the Virgin”), and Yara Shahidi (TV’s “Black-ish”).  It debuts in theaters on September 28.

Do you have any special childhood friendships? I’d love for you to share!