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Faithfully…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment

It is absolutely acceptable for the Journey song to be running through your mind right now.

Seriously, I get it. It’s a catchy tune and totally applicable. (well, minus the rockstar/long distance relationship stuff.)

Hello, 2019! I can’t even believe it, while also, I 100% can. On one hand, what they say is so true- the older we get, time just goes by so quickly. I understand the science of it, and why that is true. On the other hand though, I feel like the start of 2018 was a lifetime ago. Life… It’s a funny thing.

If you’re around on instagram then you probably saw that my Word of the Year is Faith. The response to this was cautiously supportive. I got a  lot of direct messages that questioned if I have lost my way with Jesus, while others hesitantly asked if I was going to become all churchy in everything I shared… The answer to both us a resounding NO. Doing great with Jesus, thanks for asking, and I can’t imagine (honestly) that much would change regarding what I share anywhere online. (except for the continued goal of being more attentive to this website)

Here’s the thing…

Choosing a word is a very personal process. I’ve shared briefly about the very personal (and often excruciating) chapters, in my life journey, and how they pertain to my yearly words. With each and every word, my personal faith and walk with God has always been affected. (The process us all-encompassing, I don’t think there is an area of my life that has not been affected.) The same goes for this year… While my faith will undoubtedly have a large role in this particular chapter, my word is FAITH, not ‘my faith’.

Faith is the opposite of doubt, the opposite of fear. Faith is synonymous with trust.  Faith is so many, many, many things. Faith is the direction that my life is going, and the area which I need to work on. Faith pertains to my relationships, my health, my mental/emotional clarity, my writing, my finances, my goals, my passions/projects, my work and of course Jesus.

I have a novel of personal goals to work on throughout the year, as I do every year. A handful of these are:

  • finish writing my book.
  • submit a book proposal.
  • take in more sunrises.
  • take the intentional time to cook more and get back to paying attention to what goes into my body.
  • celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary.
  • see some really great concerts/shows.
  • reacquaint myself with learning.
  • embrace (more fervently) sacred activities such as practice, fitness, conversation, prayer, reading, tea drinking and skin care.
  • free creativity.
  • read more/watch less.

By now it is possible that the Journey song has faded and new thoughts have crowded your mind, which is perfect timing because a modestly busy day looms. I look forward to traveling this chapter of life along side of you, and hearing where your journey is taking you…

Letting go, a review…

Published on by Mae @ RainydayinmayLeave a comment

What feels like a lifetime ago, someone gave me advice which I have carried with me as the world transitioned from one year to the next, although to be honest I did not always succeed at applying it. This wisdom encouraged ignoring a list of lofty goals and ambitions for the year to come, and take a true and authentic inventory, on this last day of the year, of where you’re at. Once your task is complete, the next step was to pull out the page(s) you compiled from the year before and then ideally, to bask in the warmth of your accomplishes, growth and progress.

It feels pretty backwards from what our society promotes, regarding New Year behavior, doesn’t it? (in all fairness, I’d like to point out that this is the same collective voice which encourages us to “start new” each January, yet to also carry our baggage and chores re: Christmas, into the new year. I for one do NOT leave my Christmas stuff up because I already operate on this feeling that I am behind and unable to catch up on all that needs to be done so starting a new year off by intentionally leaving tasks to be completed seems self destructive…)

My DNA and enneagram have left me powerless when it comes to the task of writing lists. Therefore, while I can write out my annual assessment of my journey, I am always going to write a list of goals for the new year. They aren’t resolutions, and the certainly won’t all be done, but they operate as a sort of guide to my navigational system. The one thing I DO always do, is a Word of the Year. Though my posting here, this year, has been irregular, anyone who reads here will likely be aware that my “word” of 2018 has been LET GO. After the way words of previous years have taught me, I buckled up for a bumpy, likely brutal ride, and it has been that.

My Let Go journey has been a year of growth. As recently has two months ago I would have said it was a year of loss, but today I can truthfully say that I haven’t actually lost anything. Before I immerse this post into the deep end though, lets tread water and adjust to the temp in the shallow end…

This year I have:

  • drank more cups of coffee, by at least 1/3, than any year prior.
  • worked more, as a writer.
  • gone through more boxes of tissue than ever.
  • read more books than I have in years.
  • considered, beside my husband, relocating to nearly half the country, and realized I was pretty ok with anywhere, as long as his position/company changed. More than anything I just wanted my husband to be in a job where he was respected, encouraged, valued and considered.
  • Moved to, quite possibly, the one place I had never thought of.

There have been a lot of really fun things that happened this year too…

  • I met a TON of really cool people, in various ways.
  • I saw some awesome concerts.
  • I traveled, both with Chw and alone.
  • I explored and fell in love with our new home.
  • I spent quality time with my (adult) kids, though much less than I would have liked.
  • I started a podcast journey, which has connected me with some of the strongest and most inspirational women I’ve ever met.
  • I had a year of documenting moments with my Instax camera, instead of my phone. (I liked the intentionality of having to carry a bulky camera, invest in this film, only get one shot, etc.)
  • I played games, went wine tasting, explored new cities, saw movies, laughed and did so many more things with my good friends.

And some really hard things…

  • We moved into a tiny cottage (which we LOVE) and had to part with more possessions than I ever could have imagined. (in this way, Let Go took shape in ways I hadn’t expected.)
  • Thanks to some hardships which resulted in heavy, unexpected debts, we are two years into a five year program that results in more financial struggle than anything. While it feels like it is lasting a lifetime, throwing a relocation into the mix of that has been a daily challenge.
  • I lost a friendship that, had i imagined the loss would come, would have seemed devastating. For a minute it felt like it was going to be, but then the reach of her gossip and ugly behavior found it’s way to me and I realized it was more a growth pain than a loss one. Once I stepped further outside of that relationship I began to feel the weight of her negativity and constant criticism fall to the side. Good things do not always look like good things, but give them time and be willing to see the good.

So many years ago, someone who I believed was my very best friend got married. We had been friends since middle school, and were young adults at this point. Due to circumstances her wedding was quick. There were a few hours between where we each lived, and this was back in the day when handwritten letters or expensive long distance calls were the only way to maintain relationships over the miles. With a nearly non-existant support system, Chw and I were very young newlyweds making due with what we had, and barely doing so, at that. She and I had a few calls where she cried about spending a lot of time home alone, while her new husband went to school and work, and how she missed tv…

Her wedding reception was at her parents house, even farther from where I lived. Even so, this was my BEST friend… So, Chw, my sister and I loaded ourselves into the car and drove to this wedding reception. I came humbly with my pic’n’save gift, (although beautifully wrapped) in hand. It took us hours to drive to this event, and would take us hours to drive home. The trip, and even the cheap gift, beyond exceeded anything we could afford. My attitude to this truth was that it didn’t matter because this girl was my BEST FRIEND, and you love your people HARD and with action. (We also had out little, nothing speacial, yard sale tv in the back seat, because my friend needed a TV and I could go without.)

I barely saw her, for the 90 minutes we were at this reception where we knew pretty much no one. When I did see her, she asked about the tv I’d promised. When I lovingly assured her I had it, she told us to meet her at her apartment the next day. Of course I said yes, because this girl was my BEST FRIEND, and you love your people HARD and with action and all, even though there were hours between here and home and we were probably over drafted at the bank due to this little adventure… (which I realize isn’t anyone’s fault but mine. There’s a point to this story, sit tight!) We crashed with people we knew, closer to her apartment and it was all working out so well because I knew that I was a good friend, and I felt truly great about that… Fast forward to meeting my friend at her apartment…

Her apartment furnished with new furniture, her mountain of high end wedding gifts to the side. As my wonderful husband carried this heavy tv- (you know, back when tvs were not made of air) up to her third floor apartment, she giddily escorted us past all of the new and shiny (including their big screen tv in the living room) to her bedroom, where she’d cleared a spot for this tv.

There were no thank you’s, not for coming, not for anything really. The saddest thing about it all though, was when I chided myself for having hurt feelings because I am a good friend and that would be selfish. Don’t be a selfish friend, Misty! (No, we are not still friends. Our friendship died not long after that, when I realized the only one gaining anything in our friendship was her. She was also often asking for more…)

Pretty sad, isn’t it?

  • The biggest lesson of my Let Go journey is that, for as long as I can remember, THAT PATTERN has been in play. Love “my” people, and love them hard. Roll over and give them anything, regardless of whether it was a season of hardship or a season of blessing. I’ve seen this play out with my parents, with numerous friendships and in my own motherhood. While there is truth that relationships take sacrifice and selflessness, the consequences of a lifetime of this pattern are that I have enabled many people to not have to take me into consideration.
  • This was a painful thing to really see, and an overwhelming self-realization to face.

This journey has held so much more than what I have shared here, but this documents the just of it… Now, it’s time for me to go make a nurturing brunch and spend the day closing out this amazingly complex and yet beautiful year with this man I share a life with. I am so grateful for all of the good moments, and every single one of the bad. Also I am so grateful for each one of you reading this, supporting me and being along for the journey! Here’s to an amazing 2019, i am eager to see what it holds for each of us…

For the love of a good film…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment

I have never been very into sports. Sometimes our American culture can seem so sports obsessed that my disinterest would almost feel like an unpatriotic act of rebellion, but it isn’t like that, I promise! While sports may not always be my thing, shouldn’t it really mean something when a sports movie touches my spirit in a profound way?

There have been films which have left me a weeping mess, such as the Blind Side. Although it could be considered a “sports movie” for me, the profoundness was more about the brokenness and love. Maybe it has little to do with sports at all, and I just get deeply immersed in the heart of what lies underneath. Creed was like that, for me. I went, begrudgingly, because I love Michael B. Jordan and I was stirred so deeply that I still think about this movie regularly, 3 years later. Within it I absorbed so much about courage and hope, during a season in my life which felt very void of those things… That is what makes movies truly special, really. They serve as these illustrations of the spirit we often need to step out in, wherever our own journeys have us. Sure, they entertain us, but the really good ones do something more. In the case of Creed, the threads of redemption, forgiveness, unconditional love and our mortality motivated me to fight for the life I wanted, regardless of those current circumstances. When my family and marriage were a total mess, I was reminded that it would not always look that way and I was not powerless. I will always be grateful for what this story represented.

In just a few days Adonis and Rocky will be here, once again in Creed II. Have you seen the trailer? It gives me chills every single time, I for one can’t wait!

About The Movie (Synopsis)

Life has become a balancing act for Adonis Creed. Between personal obligations and training for his next big fight, he is up against the challenge of his life. Facing an opponent with ties to his family’s past only intensifies his impending battle in the ring. Rocky Balboa is there by his side through it all and, together, Rocky and Adonis will confront their shared legacy, question what’s worth fighting for, and discover that nothing’s more important than family. Creed II is about going back to basics to rediscover what made you a champion in the first place, and remembering that, no matter where you go, you can’t escape your history.  The film releases in theaters on Wednesday, November 21.  #CreedII

What about you? Do you love sports movies? What is your favorite?

The gift of time…

Published on by Mae @ RainydayinmayLeave a comment

Because gifts is my primary love language, I have many tinsel and twinkle light hued memories from childhood. Every Christmas was wrapped with a mysterious magic that I wore like a cloak as soon as my grandmother’s tree was up. The warmth that filled my spirit when those familiar ornaments found their destined branches, was unlike anything else I had known. Every single, child-like remembrance I have from my reel of Christmas’ past is fuzzy and happy and near to perfection.

While I have no gift that I remember as being so incredibly sentimental or touching, it almost seems as though every single gift which had held residence beneath my grandmother’s Ocotillo street Christmas tree became that very exact sort of present to me. Because they were Christmas gifts they became immersed with a better-than-Hallmark-movies sort of something. The best gifts when I look back, from those very best Christmases, were the ones that belonged more in tradition. In a childhood that was more dark and unpredictable, the very assurance that Christmas eve would hold dressing up, corsages, holiday vinyl albums on the stereo and fresh tamales in the kitchen. There were platters of crackers and spreads, and fruits with cheeses and so much love and laughter. I remember no other place in time that held as much love and laughter as my grandmother’s amber lit home on Christmas Eve.

One Christmas in particular,  my grandmother brought me up to open my annual “early gift”. It would have been roughly five or six because my grandfather was still alive. I tried to imagine what this square, wrapped jewel of a gift could be, but nothing came to me. I was consumed with the eagerness of needing the magic to last forever, and desperately wanting to know what treasure lie beneath the candy printed paper. The unwrapping revealed a very underwhelming Minnie Mouse watch. I had never had much of an affection either way, where Disney characters were concerned. I had never placed a watch (a face watch, no less, when all of the other 80’s kids were certainly wearing digital) on my list to Santa. All in all, at the time, the build up had felt much bigger than the actual gift.

The coming-to-terms-with the wrist accessory was accompanied by smiles on my grandfather’s beautiful face, and my grandmother telling me about responsibility, time management and big girl stuff.

While the intention may have been that I would have marched forth, from that annual tradition, feeling empowered and ready to grow into the next phase of my adolescence and what lay ahead, instead I left super disappointed and questioning the “magic” of Christmas at all.

I never did fall in love with that watch. I tossed into the mountains of junk in my room and it moved around with toys and other things I never took care of. When I would come upon it, I would feel pricked with the familiar, settling shame. I should have loved it. After my grandfather died, whenever the watch and I crossed paths, I would find my mind flooded with the shining memory of his loving, smiling face. This, naturally, did not help the guilt residing comfortably inside of me.

I don’t know what happened to that watch, eventually we stopped crossing paths at all. When I moved into foster care, at twelve, very few of my things went with me. I never did forget that watch, or the real gifts that were given that early December night- gifts which took me years to truly unwrap…

I love Mickey AND Minnie Mouse.

I love watches. In fact, I love clocks, period. I feel that watches and clocks are among the most intentional, beautiful and sentimental gifts imaginable. They are the closest we can get to giving someone the gift we all truly ache for: time. Time together, time to grow, time to simmer in our circumstances and allow our flavor to truly develop. That little watch, (which likely wasn’t nearly as expensive or fancy as my memory has carved it out to be) did give me all of that and so much more.

I LOVE organization and time management. I believe in being early and I really struggle with being late. I value timeliness in others.

Best of all, I have this beautiful memory of these two beloved faces, warm hands and full embraces. As an adult, I also have the perspective of why adults give gifts to children, and how that works. To a kid, it is almost always just stuff. To my grandparents, they intentionally pulled me aside and created a moment to give me something bigger than a timepiece. Maybe they knew my grandfather would die. Maybe they knew my life at home was blanketed in unspeakable evil and this was how they shared it as temporary. I will never know, because they are both gone now, but to me I learned so much (eventually) about holding tight to moments and time, to the smiling warmth of the ones I love.

My beautiful gift to you, today, is a video of this hauntingly beautiful song by Andrea and Matteo Bocelli (From the major motion picture the Nutcracker and the Four Realms.)

All Clara (Mackenzie Foy) wants is a key – a one-of-a-kind key that will unlock a box that holds a priceless gift. A golden thread, presented to her at godfather Drosselmeyer’s (Morgan Freeman) annual holiday party, leads her to the coveted key—which promptly disappears into a strange and mysterious parallel world. It’s there that Clara encounters a soldier named Phillip (Jayden Fowora-Knight), a gang of mice and the regents who preside over three Realms: Land of Snowflakes, Land of Flowers and Land of Sweets. Clara and Phillip must brave the ominous Fourth Realm, home to the tyrant Mother Ginger (Helen Mirren), to retrieve Clara’s key and hopefully return harmony to the unstable world. Starring Keira Knightley as the Sugar Plum Fairy, Disney’s new holiday feature film “The Nutcracker and the Four Realms” is directed by Lasse Hallström and Joe Johnston, and inspired by E.T.A. Hoffmann’s classic tale.  “The Nutcracker and the Four Realms” releases in theaters on November 2.

For more information, please go to:  https://movies.disney.com/the-nutcracker-and-the-four-realms