slower than honey…

grateful

21.} my own pillow, my own mattress, my own sheets and my own home…

22.} to come home and see my sweet dogs. My heart does not like going long periods of time without them.

23.} texting. While I’m not a fan of being tethered to my phone, (it happens, I’ll admit it) I’m really grateful for how easy texting makes certain things.

24.} I never thought I’d say this, but that my days of parenting littles are behind me.

25.} Seeing my dad and (finally) meeting his new wife. It had been 4 years since we’d seen him and that’s a long, long time. It was an unexpected visit and so good for my spirit.

26.} Seeing my sister Jennie. (It had been exactly 7 years since I’d seen her and that really was too long.)

27.} using my shampoo, there aren’t words for how great that was… (forgot to pack it. bought a replacement. It was BAD…)

28.} that the neglected stack of mail, from while we were gone, contained real letters too!

29.} For time to catch up on some reading.

30.} That my husband is feeling better. He’s hardly ever sick, so when he is, it’s horrible!

What are you grateful for, this week?

Cruel intentions…

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Daily it seems I grow more and more aware of how honorable my intentions are, and how significantly far I fall from that mark. I think on this, as I sit in a quiet house after being in noise and busy for nine long days. Some ten days before this moment I saw myself further, progressed beyond the same place I’ve stood, unfinished. There are always grand excuses. Traffic, noise, construction, illness… But what did I manage to do? Distraction.

Well, that’s not entirely true either. A little.

Chw had a business trip in the northwest suburbs of Chicago and since Gen is gone for the summer, I decided to tag along and accomplish some writing. I felt I could (professionally speaking) use the inspiration of a change of scenery, and I love the hotel environment. As an added bonus, despite both of our infinities for Chicago itself, we had the opportunity to go into the city on Friday night. On one side of the journey I imagined it all so different than it was, and it wasn’t bad. That’s not what I mean. I was simply, well… Life.

During the week we put some of the best food we have ever eaten, in our mouths. We had great conversation, we explored. It started out really great. At the hotel, during the daytime though, my time was less than productive as there was major construction going on. It did not matter what I tried, or where I went, I just could not seem to accomplish anything, so by Wednesday mid-morning I simply gave up and buried my nose in my kindle. Then, Wednesday evening Chw got sick, and since he seldom gets ill, things plummeted quickly. Our too-late-to-change-plans adventure into Chicago itself was a gigantic waste of stress, energy and money as everything we wanted to do while there (Taste of Chicago and Millenium Park) were made much less appealing by A.) how my poor husband felt, and B.) the torrential downpour we were in. It was hard not to be a little disappointed, but if we haven’t learned life is anything but what we expect, by now- then I need to start paying better attention.

Once again home, and back in my office, I’m reflecting at my planner, my to do lists and just realizing that there has to be another way. Something isn’t quite “connecting” between the inspiration to do something and then opportunity to actually do it. But what? What am I missing? Getting away didn’t help… And sure, I could say “yeah, but it wasn’t as great as I hoped it would be!” But it’s not like we can all afford to redo every vacation or trip that doesn’t go as we planned. It is what it is, it was not a bad trip. I love my husband and we had fun, before he became miserable. I got to spend quality time with my daughter and her soon-to-be step-sons. I got to see my dad and sister. I fell in love with the wonder that is bacon wrapped dates. I went to the most incredible movie theater ever. My husband bought me the best umbrella I’ve ever owned! (If you didn’t know, I love umbrellas) and I got to sleep in a luxurious room with the best view of the Sears tower. I’m “stuck” because something is stuck… And I’m starting to think it’s just because I allow it to be. Maybe this disconnect is less of a seasonal thing (like it may have started out) and is now more of a pattern.

yuck…

 

Lately…

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Maybe my eyes/ears are just a little more open, I’m finding myself a little more engaged and present or people are just really surprising me… Whichever the reason, I thought I’d share a little list of things I’ve witnessed or overheard, lately…

– We were stepping on the elevator, at the Hotel Blake in Chicago. Because he’s a nice guy, my husband said “Good evening” to two other ladies getting on as well. Their actual response was “Oh hey! Isn’t this hotel great because they have really great wifi!” (both were peering into their phones.) My husband, who travels for business often and gets some pretty crappy wifi replied “they do! It’s so nice compared to some slower-than-dial-up internet hotels have.” To which one lady just looks at him funny and the other says “yes, well, I don’t know what we would have done if they wouldn’t have had good internet!” The other girl laughed and said “Oh girl, could you imagine?” And they were back in their phones as we descended to the lobby. {note- this is a lovely hotel. it is in the heart of Printer’s Row, just a couple of blocks from Magnificent Mile. There are restaurants, shops, and things to do all around this hotel for blocks and blocks and blocks. This whole exchange left me very confused.}

– Earlier in the week our daughter Amanda had driven down to see us, and she brought her soon-to-be step-sons. We spent the afternoon at the hotel pool, which was nice. Towards the end of our time there, a man came in with his two kids. (probably around 8 & 10.) The dad and daughter go sit in the hot tub and the boy starts playing with my daughter’s oldest A (also 8). Then, the boy gets out and jumps in. A, very nicely gives this kid the heads up that there’s a big sign on the wall that says “NO JUMPING into pool.” When the kids dad happens to walk over (Cocky fellow) the kid says “dad, does it say I can’t jump?” And the dad says some inaudible response. My daughter pipes up, super nice and says “Actually, on that sign right there it says ‘No Jumping.'” To which the guy gives her a total jerk look, walks over, gets both boys attention and then proceeds to jump in the pool. {note- we all know this kind of guy. It oozed from him. If my husband hadn’t been working, this guy would have acted 100% different. Jerk.}

– On our voyage to The Container Store, while we were over in Chicagoland, a high school girl was texting while driving and ran off the road and plowed into a high-end car dealership. {note- how is this STILL happening?}

– Sitting at my doctor’s office, in the waiting room, I overheard this conversation (one sided) with one of the office girls who was on the phone:

well, we don’t accept Medicaid so you’ll have to find another physician’s office. 

Right, I understand you want to schedule an appointment, but we don’t take Medicaid and you don’t have insurance. 

Without insurance, you would need to pay cash and that would cost $278 for the visit and tests, which would have to be paid up front. I can help you find a doctor who accepts Medicaid. 

Miss, we don’t take Medicaid, I can’t schedule an appointment for you. You would have to pay cash. 

You are going to pay cash? $278. And you would need a credit card on file to cover anything else. How’s august 7th? 

{note- I’m not judging anyone who needs assistance, but if you need Medicaid, and you have it there to help you, A.) how can you afford to pay cash for a doctor, and B.) why would you?}

– We have been looking at houses, online. We are very casually toying with the idea of moving closer to Chw’s work. Some of the online home listings though, are ridiculous. Like close up photos of a candle centerpiece, from three different perspectives. And there you have 3 of the 9 house photos shown. (and 3 were of the view down the street, away from the house.) {note- certainly doesn’t make us want to rush out to see the house.}

– People literally run out, in CRAZY Chicago city traffic, to hail cabs from the middle of the street. {Note- FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.}

– While Chicago traffic was insane, a big 15 passenger van drove up on the sidewalk to pass the traffic. No care for pedestrians, or the like. {note- !!!!!!}

Have you witnessed or heard anything astounding lately?

Twitterature {July Edition}…

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Today I’m linking up with Anne over at Modern Mrs. Darcy for Twitterature, where we discuss what we are reading only condensed tweet size.

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Not today, but Someday by Lori L. Otto-

this book was YA but truthfully I’d be mortified (I think) if my teen read it. Lots of teen angsty stuff. The main (female) character’s dad had an affair and pretty much destroys their family. She seems to feel this only happened to her and that she is therefore justified in never considering anyone else’s feelings. Ever. It was a little much for me, honestly.

 

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Em and The Big Hoom by Jerry Pinto-

This is a book club book that I just haven’t gotten to yet. I read on vacation, but not as much as I’d hoped.

 

Dead-Until-Dark

Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris-

I waited a really long time to read this book because I’m not at all a fan of the “trashy” lit genre. That being said, they series was gifted to me, on kindle, ages ago and vacation seemed like a good time to try it. While I’d hesitate to recommend it unless you LOVE Vampires, don’t mind trashy books and are looking for that fits both of those, surprisingly, I liked it. Several friends and I are fans of the tv series and it was very interesting in that regard.

 

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A Loving Life by Paul E. Miller-

I’m still picking away at this. It’s a three-month book club and not a short book, but it feels very meaty. Maybe it’s where I’m at in life, I don’t know… It’s so good and I find myself highlighting so much. Tough subject matter these days though.

What have you been reading this summer?

That Gold Couch…

On our way to Chicago, Sunday, Chw and I tuned in to a Comedy station on Sirius for a while. At first it was really funny, then comedians changed and it was just ok before transitioning to flat-out awful and we decided enough was enough. Somewhere in there though, we heard a bit about cushioned toilet seats. Traffic was frustrating and I honestly don’t really remember any specifics (sorry) except to say that the comedian pointed out that the cushioned toilet seat is an unnecessary luxury because you shouldn’t have to sit there long enough to need padding… While not in and of itself deeply profound, it has really stuck with me.  Growing up, a child in the 80’s, like many others I was generation big hair, overstuffed (marshmallow looking) furniture and Great Depression surviving grandparents. My grandmother washed bread bags, wasted NOTHING, even to the point of eating rotten food a time or two. If you ever showered in her bathroom, you may have used a threadbare towel and felt like a nice set of new fluffy towels would make a lovely Christmas gift. Of course, when she opened them, she would store them in a dresser in the back bedroom for when she needed them because she still had perfectly good towels. Well over a decade later, said towels would be pulled from said dresser, still tagged and folded and ruined from not being used. In the south they’d say Bless her heart… And it’s true. Most of us know exactly what I’m talking about. Cabinets full of washed butter and cool whip containers, enough to fill 180 fridges with leftovers. (and we’d save EVERY leftover. One green bean? Get that Parkay container out…) Bless her heart

The thing about my grandma’s house was that, when you walked in, it was almost like walking back in time. Everything was Gold. Gold carpet, gold appliances, gold furniture. (as appliances began to die, this began to change.) In the late 80’s, and throughout the 90’s, we were thrilled to see her update with something more modern (Like the new TV she was forced to sit on top of her combination console/stereo/record player tv that didn’t work). Now, in 2014 what I wouldn’t give for half of the stuff she had in that house.

When my grandmother passed away, my aunt asked us to walk through her house and say what we’d like to have. At the time, emotionally overwhelmed, I quickly pointed out a green mixing bowl and struggled initially with anything else. (I lived thousands of miles away and had just flown in, so even if I’d asked for her amazingly vintage furnishings, it wouldn’t have happened…) As I walked through her strangely lifeless house, visions replayed from my youth as eyes fell on things, I headed straight for two dancing girl figurines that my grandmother kept on a table in her bathroom. As a young girl I had been fascinated with them and would often sit on her toilet for long periods of time, playing out story lines where one girl was me and the other was my mother. I knew as soon as I saw them again, that I’d take them as well. Even though I detest knick knacks, these were special.

This was 2006. At the time, jokes were made about who wanted that gold couch. (Which Grandma had always called The Divan.) Grandma’s house had always been where people were and so there was always a plethora of seating options. The gold couch was usually the last chosen as it was the least comfortable. Remember, we were from the era of marshmallow stuffed furniture and this sofa was straight out of the 60’s.

I’m sure I have photos with the couch somewhere, but not on my Macbook. I did find this photo online (from The White Elephant Resale shop in Chicago, which is sadly now closed, though images are still out there), which shows VERY similar fabric, though the style was a bit different. (this one looks a lot cushier.)

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Feel free to look at that magnificent piece of furniture there, feel pity for the treasure that slipped from my metaphorical grasp, and then ask yourself how we went from cushioned toilet seats to amazing vintage sofas… Well, because my grandma, the woman who washed old bread bags to reuse and ate moldy cheese rather than waste it- my grandmother who once cooked a tumble weed because she was that resourceful, the woman who had a life of little luxury (minus a few great vacations and a really nice car anyway) had a cushioned toiled seat. I had never thought of this as a luxury (or thought much of it at all) until that comedy sketch, but it really is one.

Which led me to wonder if that’s really why I spent so much time sitting on that toilet, playing with those figurines? Because, lets face it, at the end of the day that seat was likely a whole lot softer to sit on than that couch.

And also I would like to point out, I’d probably give my left kidney for that couch…