Mae @ Rainydayinmay

Finally learning how to love…

Published on January 20, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay9 Comments

I have been forced to consider, lately, what sort of blogger I want to be.

I love blogging. i love reading them and the sense of community that develops among bloggers. I’ve seen fellow bloggers move mountains to help one another in times of need, in ways that face to face community dwellers seem to fail at- these days… i am proud to be a blogger.

The sort of blogger I want to be is an authentic one. Firm in who I am, and what I believe. Honest, not pompous, about me…

While pondering all of these deep things, lately, {like blogging, closing the doors of my business, how to further grow our family, etc…} I came across something which struck me in a completely profound way… You see, I was feeling immensely guilty because I hadn’t made specific quiet time to read or pray in a week. I knew these feelings were my own issue because God is not a god of guilt, but i also knew that things would go more smoothly if I would make the time. {Making the time seems to be my constant struggle, in all areas} Rather than pressuring myself with “homework”, to catch up on my reading, I just picked up where I left off- still feeling that nagging guilt eating away at my spirit.

And then, there it was: We are called to love God and to love others. it is in the evidence of how we love others as to whether or not we are truly loving God. Furthermore, loving God is not about an emotion at all, but about a commitment to put God first.

Wow. While I am sure there are many of you thinking “yeah, and? Get to the point.” my point is, WOW. All of these years i’ve feared (again, the fear part comes from me, I get it) that my heart wasn’t loving (emotion) God enough… My fickle heart has fallen obsessively in love with a movie, band or designer handbag (I’m sorry!) and worried that my new favorite thing would push God out of the lead contender position, for my love.

i have been so wrong. Even when I made the most horrible mistakes, God blessed me with an amazing husband and three of the most beautiful kids in the world. When I’ve been financially irresponsible, I’ve still always had a home and every other need. I’ve been loving God with my heart for so long, hoping beyond hope that I had it right- and I’m not saying loving God with emotion is a bad thing- but it’s about time I get the life part down…

{I haven’t forgotten my 365, I’ve just decided to start posting them in weekly shots… And, as gorgeous as this photo is, I’d love to take credit for it, but it’s actually from the happy pill, at wordpress dot come.}

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Authenticity, granted…

Published on January 19, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay4 Comments

This morning is the first day, all week, that I’ve had a moment at my computer…

Truthfully, I sort of love that I don’t have computer moments every day. Even more truthfully though, as a writer, i really should…

It’s that ever-questing strive for balance. It’s my inability to juggle everything- like wholesome cooking, laundry, errands, education, a business…

Don’t get me wrong, i love to write. I love, as sick as it sounds, to edit. I love it all. The process. The creativity. The sublimely euphoric feel that comes with it… Is born, again and again, because of it… BUT- i get distracted. Distractions like my ever mounting google reader and facebook.

I have decided to proceed no longer, with RDIM… It was a tough decision. I’ve loved it so much. I have loved the amazing experiences I’ve had, and people I have met through it. I am so grateful for the experience and the doors that it opened. It was a very short journey, at just under three years, but so much bigger than I’d ever thought. Owning a photography business is really rewarding and, if I wasn’t a homeschool mom AND a writer {first and foremost} i would continue it… The three things are each time consuming, and life sucking, on their own. I knew that I had to cut one and, though I struggled with the decision, it was the obvious choice. I have a wedding this weekend, for a dear friend, and a few miscellaneous appointments scattered throughout the next few weeks. January 31st is the last official day though… I’ve already began referring clients and each time I feel better about my decision.

I want to lead an authentic life, and I can’t do that if I’m not being honest with myself by taking on far more than I can handle. Managing many things, half heartedly, isn’t managing them at all. That’s what I’ve learned through all of this…

I am EXCITED for the next chapter in my life as a wife, mother and writer… A lot of things are happening, big changes are coming. Two thousand eleven is a BIG year for my family and i really hope you’ll come along…

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photo courtesy of Get Entreprenurial

well, it’s too late now…

Published on January 15, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment

{fourteen}

365 life : v. the act of capturing one photograph, per day, from life.

life= my life, because this is my blog.

On January 1st i decided that compiling my most beloved recipes onto an online database would be organizational and way to help me simplify things… pretty much, I was a giant dummy. It’s going to take me all freaking year- ALL year… ALL. YEAR. LONG.

Or maybe forever.

Nutshell: this is totally a photo of my life…

Dumb da dun dunt…

Published on January 14, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment

{thirteen}

Talking with Chw tonight, about the birds and the fish that are dying. About scared people blanketing themselves in fear about the end times…

Like just after the world trade center…

and the school shootings…

and the embassy bombings…

and Waco…

and, most recently, Tucson…

Gosh we really flock to fear, don’t we? As a people…

and how arrogant are we, as Americans, to think that our birds, and our fish, and our shootings signify that Heaven is moving and we best be ready? Do we even stop to think about the horror that entire other nations see, every second of every day? Do you think they are losing sleep over our dead birds? Nope.

And so, when I whine and complain about my 40 degree winter Thursday, I should be ashamed… that’s 40 degrees warmer than a whole lot of American people who aren’t used to nasty winter weather.

which is kind of creepy because… well… do you think it means that???

Come on people, we haven’t a clue about how bad things can be and a lot of those people pray with their whole might for the end to be near so let’s move on- away from the fear and live our lives the best we can…

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