Mae @ Rainydayinmay

The truth about gifts…

Published on February 15, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay7 Comments

Genny takes an art class from an amazing artist, every Monday morning… Monday of this week he spoke to the class about Valentines. Specifically, about when making/giving one to someone you do so with that person in mind. You consider what they like, the things that seem to draw their attention, etc.

It’s all about the details…

I’ve said this very thing to her a thousand plus times, but she never really heard it until today.

I was thinking about this particular post for awhile, before today. Gifts are my love language. I love buying them, love receiving them. The prettier wrapped, the better. It’s just how I love and feel love. My husband, however, is an insecure gift giver which usually means no gifts at all. Because I love him more than life itself, I’ve grown to realize that a lack of gifts doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, or think of me- but honestly, (and I’m ashamed to admit this) that was a TOUGH lesson…

I did buy him a super cute little valentine, this year. Nothing major. I had zero expectations from him, and it wasn’t until Valentines Day itself that I realized even more than a little gift- what would speak the loudest to him would be to do something for him… I tackled the storage side of our garage. I organized. I loaded my SUV full to the brim with stuff for Goodwill. After hours of doing this, and feeling completely exhausted in the process, I was disappointed to survey what had been done and not see bigger results. In fact, I was actually a little depressed about it. When Chw walked in the door though, he was all smiles. From ear to ear. He wrapped his arms around me and thanked me over and over.

You don’t know how much that means to me. He said those words until I couldn’t stand to hear them anymore. I didn’t see that it was that big of a deal, but he did. It meant something to him. More than a silly little Valentine or an overpriced card. More than a fancy date at some five star restaurant…

And then, then he said four beyond priceless words to me: I’m taking you bowling!

And I shrieked…

I did so because A) I love to bowl. B) He doesn’t. C) Therefore we never go. D) He had reserved the lanes, on his way home, before he even knew I’d worked in the garage…

To give a gift to someone you love, all you need to do is love them and truly set yourself aside in thought of them. While Chw would have been less than thrilled if I’d gifted him a game of bowling- he had an AWESOME time because we all had fun and he knew it made me happy. On the same note, if he’d cleaned the garage for me- I’d have gone straight to bed and slept the night away wallowing in self pity.

Joy is found, even in the things we may not like, when we do them in love… That is the true gift…

Today, for my 28 day challenge, I will:

– Do things for my family, even the things i don’t like to do, with a joyful pep.

– I will play Gen’s favorite game with her.

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Love letters…

Published on February 14, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments

On Mondays I help teach in a class called Public Speaking. {Anyone who knows me will likely be caught unexpectedly laughing out loud, right now, because I am not a public speaker. Pretty much, to clarify, I sit there and offer the rare bit of feedback. So, sort of like a glorified student… Anyway…} This past week the class assignment was to choose a random item from a pile and give an impromptu speech to the class about what it was, and three different things you could use it for. This sweet girl, roughly 10 years old, took a bottle. My own mind filling with the hundreds of things that bottle could be used for, her very first thing took me by surprise: Put a love letter in it, and send it to sea.

I’m obviously not much of a romantic because that idea did not grace my list. That being said though, I have to admit I LOVED it! I began to think about such things as love letters and the ways in which they can be given…

left on bed pillows…
written in lipstick, on mirrors…
through the mail, sealed with a kiss and perfume scented…
slipped under a door…
attached to a gift…
in a bottle…

A love letter, by it’s very definition, is merely a declaration of one’s love. Every time I reach for my husband’s hand- I’m doing that. Isn’t it an amazing idea to strive to live a life as a love letter? Intentionally acting upon your love, always?

I’m in love with the notion…

Today, in my 28 day challenge, i will:

– write a love letter, to my husband. I will recommit to love him and remind him of all of the reasons that I do.
– try to be a love letter for my family…
– enjoy this day of love and affection with the people I am so lucky to have and love.

The truth is sound…

Published on February 11, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay11 Comments

It’s no coincidence that the word for my final sense, to discuss, has a second meaning of firm, solid, foundational…

This week my sister and her husband had to make the excruciating decision to send their three children (whom we are incredibly attached to) to another state to live, for awhile. On top of that, my mother had two major surgeries, several dangerous days in ICU- all culminating in her needing 9 liters of blood, which opens up an entirely new string of problematic possibilities…

But the one thing that has screamed itself known, throughout my week, is the very thing I’d known I would blog about today, before…

Before my son was injured in military training.
Before my mom had the most difficult night (healthwise) of her life.
Before my niece and nephews left for this new chapter in their lives…

Sound. The importance of sound, from (and to) those we love. At least I thought I was blogging about it’s importance, but really- today- I admit importance is actually an understatement. Vitality is the word.

To a mother, exhausted from labor, waiting for her baby’s cry…
To the wife, whose husband fights a war on the other side of the ocean…
To a child, frightened and sleep strewn from nightmares…
Sound is everything.

When I heard my mama’s voice, after that long ICU laden night of not knowing- i heard heaven.

and it reminded me, of those literal aching moments of needing to hear my husband’s voice.
of those miscarriage laced years of feeling i’d die without ever hearing the sounds of a child’s laughter fill my home.

Then again, there’s an ugly flipside. Though the childhood adage tells us words can never hurt us, they can… They can break bonds, destroy marriages, crumble childhoods and take down a nation. Gossip can ruin reputations and relationships. Sound can lead to broken hearts…

There are moments when sound is everything…

Today in my 28 day challenge, I will:

– bite my tongue.
– use my words well, and wisely.
– memorize their voices- their laughter… for today is a gift with no guarantee…

Your lover smells…

Published on February 10, 2011 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay10 Comments

This week, as I’m making my main focus love and my family- well, things haven’t been going the best. We’ve had a lot of major life scares, injuries and difficult (unexpected) good byes. It’s tempting to throw in the towel and say “forget it… my mind is elsewhere!” But I can’t… I’ve tried to stay attentive to my goals at hand. I’ve been so blessed to receive emails and comments about other women who have decided to use their February’s in similar ways.

Anyway- this week I’ve been spotlighting the sensual. Today I wanted to touch, briefly, on smell…

After my husband and I were first married, some seventeen years ago, I noticed this fragrance that certain areas of his skin had. The strongest patch was between his upper lip and nose. It was a divine smell and sky-rocketted to the top of my Reasons I am Madly in Love with Chw list…

Now, I’m no different that anyone else. There are times and areas of my life when I can be exceptionally shallow. This was one of those time areas. I didn’t understand, until 2004 really, how vital something like that was. Over the 18 months that we were physically apart, prior to our reconciliation, I would have moments where I achingly missed- not him- that scent. I felt, almost as though it and I belonged together. In 2004 when we began attachment therapy, one of the very first things they had us do with Genny was to pick a soothingly scented lotion and spend 20 minutes rubbing it into first our hands and arms, then her legs, feet, hands, arms and tummy. Both Chw and I had to carry around small bottles of this lotion and put it on dozens of times a day, BUT we could only put it on her in the evening when we were beginning our attachment routines. The point of this was that she would learn to recognize her own smell as a part of ours. That, throughout the day as I brushed her hair or played with her, she catch the scent in passing and begin to know she belonged to that.

Like magic- it worked*. Though we still have RAD rages and all of the not-fun stuff that goes along with such a disorder, she’s attached. Her attachment to me is much deeper than Chw, and unfortunately we attribute this to the key years he worked in a job where he traveled much more than he was home. At any rate, the power of smell- among lovers and family may be one of the strongest sensual bonding agents there is…

Today, in my 28 day challenge to love, I will:

– Remind my husband, when I kiss him, how very much I love that scent of his…

– give my daughter a manicure using scented lotion, and just take that time to dote on how truly special and loved she is.

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Seeing is loving…

Published on February 9, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay7 Comments

I was sitting on the couch, typing away on my laptop. The dogs were excited and playful because Chw had just walked in the door after a long day of work. Genny, in her tween ~~I am the center of the world~~ charming fashion, ran right up to her daddy and started hounding him for something super ~~selfishly annoying~~ urgent, when he just lost his cool…
Amidst the barking, bouncing and incessant chatter he failed to see that the message truly being handed him was saying we love you and we’re glad your home.

It’s almost always the same story, every Monday through Friday. Some days he’s had a great day and he’s more receptive of the high energy welcome. Other days, like the one I just mentioned, his nerves simply can not take it.

On this particular day in question though, which hadn’t been a cake walk for me either, I got annoyed at his response. “They’re just happy to see you.” I snapped. While we didn’t exactly have an argument, the atmosphere was one laced more with hostility than anything, and words were exhanged. As he went to take a shower and rant about me in his own mind, I began dinner preparations where I proceeded to fume even more. I was, after all, the one in the right. How could he be so self consumed in his irritations not to see that this was- (mostly, with the exception of a small percentage of his 11 year old’s ~~selfishness~~ well meaning ways…) his home and if he didn’t want his family lovingly greeting him than maybe he should go elsewhere after work… (while he was likely thinking, why can’t she see that I had a hard day and I just needed to come home to a home of calm and peace?)

I wish I could say that it was like the instant flick of a light switch that reality came to me- or that the above scenario was a one time moment- but that would be a lie. I am a hypocrite. I don’t always see my husband. Sure, I look his direction and know when he enters a room, bit I don’t take the time to truly see him. To see the heart behind his actions, or the things etched plainly in his expression that he hopes I’ll notice. In my deadline rush or other busy filled hours I don’t always stop to look at my kids when they talk. There are times when I don’t stop to put myself in their position and try to see where they are coming from. I’m sad to say, more often than I wish, I jump to conclusions only to later realize that if I would have just paused to truly look at my husband/kid/mother/friend/________________, then I would have saved everyone involved some serious hurt…

On a positive note, we’ve established the routine that he comes home to a peaceful and quiet home, greeted by his wife. He’ll then, go in and see Genny who will be peacefully doing whatever it is she needs to be doing at that time. It works well. It transitions nicely and, on the flip side, if we’ve had a busy day it gives us a small portion to process the day and wind down from it as we head into the evening with our family.
It obviously doesn’t solve everything. I still fail to see my them sometimes. I’m trying to be much better at this…
And when I fumble at it, I’ll look directly into their eyes and ask them to forgive me.

Today, in my 28 day challenge, I will:

– Stay present, and in the moment, when I am with my family. I will not only see their face, as they speak, but how they say it. I will try to place myself in their perspective and see why they feel the way they do.
– I will have a staring contest with my daughter.