family, marriage

Your lover smells…

This week, as I’m making my main focus love and my family- well, things haven’t been going the best. We’ve had  a lot of major life scares, injuries and difficult (unexpected) good byes. It’s tempting to throw in the towel and say “forget it… my mind is elsewhere!” But I can’t… I’ve tried to stay attentive to my goals at hand. I’ve been so blessed to receive emails and comments about other women who have decided to use their February’s in similar ways. 
Anyway- this week I’ve been spotlighting the sensual. Today I wanted to touch, briefly, on smell… 
After my husband and I were first married, some seventeen years ago, I noticed this fragrance that certain areas of his skin had. The strongest patch was between his upper lip and nose. It was a divine smell and sky-rocketted to the top of my Reasons I am Madly in Love with Chw list…
Now, I’m no different that anyone else. There are times and areas of my life when I can be exceptionally shallow. This was one of those time areas. I didn’t understand, until 2004 really, how vital something like that was. Over the 18 months that we were physically apart, prior to our reconciliation, I would have moments where I achingly missed- not him- that scent. I felt, almost as though it and I belonged together. In 2004 when we began attachment therapy, one of the very first things they had us do with Genny was to pick a soothingly scented lotion and spend 20 minutes rubbing it into first our hands and arms, then her legs, feet, hands, arms and tummy. Both Chw and I had to carry around small bottles of this lotion and put it on dozens of times a day, BUT we could only put it on her in the evening when we were beginning our attachment routines. The point of this was that she would learn to recognize her own smell as a part of ours. That, throughout the day as I brushed her hair or played with her, she catch the scent in passing and begin to know she belonged to that. 
Like magic- it worked*. Though we still have RAD rages and all of the not-fun stuff that goes along with such a disorder, she’s attached. Her attachment to me is much deeper than Chw, and unfortunately we attribute this to the key years he worked in a job where he traveled much more than he was home. At any rate, the power of smell- among lovers and family may be one of the strongest sensual bonding agents there is…
Today, in my 28 day challenge to love, I will
– Remind my husband, when I kiss him, how very much I love that scent of his…
– give my daughter a manicure using scented lotion, and just take that time to dote on how truly special and loved she is. 

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10 thoughts on “Your lover smells…”

  1. this is such a wonderful post. i know what you mean about smells– my home smells a certain way, i love the way my doggies smell, but more than anything, i could bury my nose in my fiance for endless hours. weird but true!

  2. My husband loves to just lean over and smell my neck… I always thought it was a little strange. Nice, yes, but strange. Its the first thing he does when he comes home at night and he does it right before he goes to sleep and often throughout the evening. This was a VERY interesting post. I've never thought much about the importances of smell.Great post… again!

  3. I am obsessed with my husband's smell, too. The best spot on him is the spot where his neck touches his collarbone; though it runs along his collarbone up to the top of his shoulder, my favorite spot is right there at the front of the neck. I think that's because it's easier to get my nose there when I hug him.One of the hardest things about this deployment is the lack of his smell. I have a bottle of his Cologne, which is amazingly similar to his smell (only a bit muskier), but it's not the same as the subtler natural smell. But yeah, some nights I feel the most homesick because I don't have that smell – it almost is like I miss the man less (though of course I miss him, too.)

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