Mae @ Rainydayinmay

There’s no place like home…

Published on February 24, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay5 Comments

I guess I am a slow learner because, years ago, while complaining about some annoying habit or phase Chw was in, someone older and much wiser assured me that someday I would grow to not even notice…

And it’s true.

{Don’t get me wrong- the way he eats ice cream still drives me about crazy, but I simply stare intently at the clock as the minutes tick by until he is done- and then I breathe easy and move on with life.}

But really, I genuinely enjoy being with him. There are days when simply sharing a sitcom with him feels like true, quality time. When a day, (like yesterday) doesn’t go well at all, just calling him and talking to him really does help. I can’t explain it. There are days, (again, yesterday) when I just can’t wait for him to walk in the door. I fit perfectly into his embrace, my head rests perfectly below his shoulder and when he takes me in his arms, I know I am home.

I can think of a billion reasons why I love him, how I genuinely appreciate him and things that set him apart from other guys. Every day I am overcome with gratitude for him and almost overwhelmed by how much I love him and how tender our relationship is.

It’s a really good place to be.

That being said, it wasn’t always like this. Once we reconciled from our divorce, our issues from before (sans the affair) were still there. We had horrible relational skills. He was quick to anger and violent out bursts, while I had a venomous, wicked tongue. There were days when I knew we’d never reach a milestone anniversary. He was a man who was willingly work obsessed, made easier by the fact that his job was incredibly demanding. Feeling completely abandoned, (partially because there were lingering scars and feelings from our divorce and the reasons behind it.) I clung to a friendship with an ex of mine. Being his friend was not a mistake. It has been two years since we’ve had any interaction, and I still attest to that. I miss his friendship, he’s a super cool guy. At any rate, I made a lot of mistakes in our friendship- most of which were relying on him for my emotional support and acceptance, something I should have received from my husband. I need to clarify, this was nothing remotely adulterous… It would never have ended my marriage… I take complete responsibility for all of it… I made mistakes. Ones that were made out of the best of intentions, (i.e. I trusted him, so if I had a bad day or needed someone, I’d go to him.) simply attempting to meet a human emotional need with what was a genuine, natural, and familiar connection. Chw knew of our friendship, and that I talked to him about a lot. There were no secrets, or betrayals. Chw later admitted to me that he was completely fine with it, because it left him free to focus on work.

Work. Which provided, in the ways he needed, the same outlet for him.

Just as having this friendship wasn’t the source of the problem for me, (nor was my friend at fault) work was not the source of the problem for Chw.

I know of THREE marriages that have ended, since Christmas, due to emotional affairs. And statistically, there are a lot more. This is just people I either know, or know of through friends…

My point with all of this is that we have to keep ourselves transparent and available to our spouse. Even if we feel they are giving the best of themselves to someone else. (and I’m NOT talking about an affair. I’m talking about preventing affairs…) I fully believe the very best way to safeguard a marriage- and the only way mine has become what it has- is to be completely present and raw with your husband.

Now, it is that emotional intimacy between us that keeps me present and connected to my life. This somehow flows into our kids and our other friendships and familiships. And honestly, even when my friend would be there for me, it never felt like what I needed, which frustrated me. It never pacified me, and that only added to the frustration and emptiness i felt. Though it would never have happened between he and I, i do see how an affair could be born out of a similar situation… Having friends, or a demanding career you love, can be great- but if we are not completely aware of everything we do in those things, and don’t make it a point to truly connect with our spouse (on a different level)- we will ruin our marriage. Maybe it won’t end in divorce, but what kind of a marriage is an empty and contentless one? Nothing but a shell…

My husband is my home. My husband feels like home. Good days, bad days… But we both worked our asses off, to get to this place and it takes work to stay here…

Today, in my 28 day challenge, I will:

– go on a date with my husband, and HAVE FUN!

– laugh with him.

– listen to his day.

– tell him how much I appreciate him and thank him, in a non- generic way, for the things he does…

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And I landed flat on my face…

Published on February 23, 2011 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay4 Comments

I day dream, sometimes, about leading a brilliantly balanced lifestyle. I manage to stay in touch with all of my friends and family, while also maintaining a well organized home. My blog, in said daydreams, is always maintained with quality posts and my personal writing blossoms throughout regimented productivity. I got to thinking about it, this morning though, and how one dimensional these imaginings truly are. In them, there are no middle-of-the-night emergency phone calls. No emotionally damaged children wreaking havoc on my day. In them, my husband is happy and supportive because his job is not only something he loves, but something he feels good about…

Why do I feel like, as the woman, wife and mom, that it is my sole responsibility to maintain balance and peace around our home? Is that the way it actually is, because I’ve chosen to stay home- even though I maintain some fragment of a career? Is that a societal pressure? Because, last night, with set back nine-hundred-trillion, resulting from my daughters attachment disorder- it felt like my personal failure.

I sat down and watched Chopped, in the middle of the evening, and guilt rained down on me. There was laundry (already folded) to put away… There was a muffin pan (soaking) to wash. I texted my girlfriend, who also loves Chopped, and asked her if she was watching it. When she confirmed that no, she wasn’t because she was busy doing something important (note- NOT how she said it, or exactly what she said) I felt even worse.

I don’t know how to do it all… How to be it all…

Does my husband feel that way too? I can not imagine the stress he’s carrying, from his job. He has a hard job. Quite possibly the hardest he’s ever had. He left quite a luxurious position to end up here, and he did it for me and our kids. To my face, he’s never admitted he regrets it, but I’ve seen moments where it may be etched in his expression. Does he dream of balance and take on every setback of Genny or I as his own personal failure?

Today, in my 28 day challenge, I will:
– Ask my husband this question.
– try to empathize with his position more…
– breathe deeply and try to let go of the stresses so that I can be a better me, for my family…

J’ai besoin d’une faveur…

Published on February 18, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay14 Comments

I interrupt the little loving my family theme, that I’ve got going on, to talk about a real life quandary, for a bit…

I TOTALLY need your help… your friend’s help… pretty much anyone’s help.

I am throwing my daughter an Evening in Paris themed birthday party. I have some GREAT ideas, and a fairly skeletal frame of how it will all pan out… The problem is that I’m a total detailed person and, well, I’m running out of time. That, and, well, my twelfth birthday Parisian extravaganza’ budget is on that of the dwindling side…

Here’s where you come in:

– have a memory of some specific thing/time in Paris? I absolutely want to hear it! Even if it feels irrelevant.

– have a project or know of a project to link to, that could fall within the inexpensive and Parisian theme? I want the link!

– suggestions? ideas? tips?

– Favorite Parisian things?

– Parisian foods?

– Parisian pastimes?

Pretty much, help?!?!? Please…

In return, i will pick one lucky contributor, from the comments, a little gift. Better yet, I will let Genny choose the winner randomly since it’s for her birthday, on March 14th, and we will Vlog the announcement that morning… So please, please, please, please, please {P-L-E-A-S-E} help…

Acts of love…

Published on February 17, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay15 Comments

Doing something, for someone else, is an act of love.
It sounds simple, but that isn’t always the case…
Often times we grow weary or disgruntled, feel under appreciated, etc… Unfortunately others may not always notice what we may do for the them, or the lengths we may go to for their happiness. There are several adages about that and motherhood, but it isn’t just motherhood. Marriage can be like that. Parents of adults can sometimes fall into a shroud of entitlement and take their grown children for granted. It is our human nature to take, and take, and take…

I try (and fail miserably… often because I over schedule myself) to find small ways to serve my family beyond the standard meals, home and laundry. Some days I may go beyond myself to accomplish something, only for him to wonder what I did all day… I’m not a fan of those sorts of days…

And then today I wondered: Am i guilty of that too? I know he doesn’t mean to look past me. How often do I hurt my husband or kids because I’m so caught up in the chaos of life that I don’t truly see what they’ve done for me?

Today, in my 28 day challenge, i will:
– Say thank you, and mean it.
– Observe.
– do three good deeds/random acts of kindness, for three strangers.
– make an extra effort to ease the burdens of my husband, who works so hard for our family…

The sad truth about family time…

Published on February 16, 2011January 17, 2013 by Mae @ Rainydayinmay8 Comments

Want to know a dirty little secret? I am one of those people who gets ridiculously overwhelmed with my calendar, therefore forgetting to plan any quality time with the people in my life. Or, worse- I schedule it in the planner… I wear only an expression of complete shame when I admit that to you. I am anal, to a fault…

But, I am trying to be better…

I see the monster me that happens when I don’t have regular quality time for myself, and with those I love. It’s ugly. Frighteningly ugly. It’s impatient. (of course, you understand, that’s not me… but the monster.) It yells… In fact, this monster likely grows more Hulk like than even I’d care to admit… But give me a quality game night, with my family or an afternoon out with a girlfriend and I’m a mouse again. (well, that’s a severe stretch of the truth- but you get the point.)

In a fast food, instant gratification society, such as ours- it’s quality time that seems to permanently live on the butcher block of the modern family. Dinners around the table are traded in for mini van meals pulled from paper bags… Frantically, families run in forty directions to things like work, clubs, sporting events and meetings. Even when we do have time with one another, (or, a date night) they usually involve a movie. Being the movie lover that I am, I asked a friend last week why they saw a movie every date night if they weren’t really big movie lovers. Her response made me sad, Because I can numb my mind and just wind down from the week…

Call me crazy, but I’ve decided to advocate for family. For quality time, between spouses as well as with their kids. Wind down? Quality time should refresh us. It should build us up. It should invigorate us with what we need to move forward with renewed strength.

And yet, I find myself over scheduled… One thing I do love is that we do have dinner together, every night… And let me tell you, there are those frantic days when I live for those 45-60 glorious minutes of peace, laughter and conversation…

Today, in my 28 day challenge, I will:
– Spontaneously do something fun with Genny, this afternoon.
– Spend some quiet conversation and dream time with Chw.
– Mesh my schedule with Amanda so that we can make time to get a pedicure and talk.