Blogging, writing, social media and all of the other ways that the current era leads us to an inevitable fork-in-the-road, are not without uninvolved people and their strong opinions. About a month ago I was virtually (as it was on the internet, so virtual) put through the ringer by people I would have consider more than acquaintances and had great respect for. It was actually two unconnected sources, over two different things, within the span of 24 hours. One was based on unfounded gossip, and the other was based on social media…
There is a saying that anyone with a pulse knows now, Haters gonna Hate… And that is just it. When those particular haters though, are more than just internet trolls, there will be lasting consequences…
In regards to incident number one- it is nothing more than immature, two-faced, drama causing nonsense. Unfortunately I can honestly say their middle school behavior and choices that followed had lasting impact on the life and course of my family healing and one day they will have to move out of 6th grade mentality and answer for that. Thankfully, it will not be to me because I just don’t have time for such sad behavior in adult women, mothers and wives…
The second incident is much more relevant. After the first incident began (and sadly, it hasn’t ended yet) I made a rash decision to make a post on my private facebook page stating that I did not care about these women’s opinions of me, and that despite the fact that my husband had been unfaithful, I still valued reconciliation and wanted my marriage restored. A couple of friends called and asked me to self examine why I had written it. It was up for less than 2 hours, I realized I had done it in a moment of anger and took it down. A woman I respected and had invited in to an inner circle of trust, (a place reserved for few) reacted very judgmentally and said some incredibly cruel things. We are no longer in contact and when she revealed her true colors, I was ok with that.
Over the past month though, I have been reflecting on both issues and my handling of them. I have had countless conversations with people about the transparency of being a writer and living as a writer in this day and age… Whenever the girls in the first incident are discussed, by my husband, he brings up my blog as validation for their pathetic behavior. My blog, which emphatically states the constant theme of these two things: 1) that I wanted healing and reconciliation in my marriage, and 2) that I was never unfaithful to my husband. When the very origin of their scheme was that I had a torrid affair, left my husband for my lover, etc- my blog seems like an unfounded contributor. Person number two also used my blog as justification for her cruelty stating that my blog was evidence that I was seethingly angry and out to ruin my husband. Also ridiculous, except that maybe people read into another person’s words, what they want to see. Whatever the case, despite these two pathetic instances, here is what I know-
-Over the six months that I have been separated in my marriage, I have carefully blogged about my side of the journey.
-There was one post where I mentioned my husband was one hundred percent responsible for our state of continued separation. My husband read it and asked me to take it down because, even though it was true, he did not want people to think he was a bad guy.
-I have received dozens of emails from women who were walking similar journeys and felt alone.
-I have connected with 4 different women who believe I helped them journey through some really awful marriage times.
-I have come to realize that being a writer, and blogger, in this day and age requires me to make a choice. I can either pretend like things are different and live in a plastic facebook world, OR I can be transparent and journey as authentically as possible.
-I have done the latter… and obviously some people do not like that, and that is ok. As incident number one and two have both taught me, there are people who live to cause drama and interfere where they don’t belong. All I can do is worry about my own stuff, keep my side of the fence clean and weeded and let them deal with their own garbage.