The better sort of list…

Everyone is all about bucket lists… I made a beautiful one last year, to complete before I was 40. Losing my family and way of life shot my list all to hell, so I thought instead I’d make a list of the 100 BEST things I’ve done in my 40 long years…

1. skinny dipping in a natural body of water.
2. dancing in the rain.
3. watching fireworks, on a hilltop, set to Bach.
4. My first time at the ocean, a glorious week on the Oregon coast.
5. going in to NYC to see the tree at Rockafellar center.
6. Swinging with the kids I worked with, at Hope House, on a hot summer day with the public sprinklers on.
7. Snowcones with my kids.
8. Working at Hope House and the amazing, life changing relationships I made there.
9. Getting my nose pierced.
10. the tattooes I’ve carefully chosen.
11. I met Colin Firth.
12. falling in love with the culture and pop culture of South Korea.
13. Working at OBI and the dear relationships I made there.
14. That I’ve always been one to forgive and try again. No exceptions.
15. Seeing Starship on the Santa Cruz beach. It wasn’t Starship, but the beach, air and company.
16. My first upside down rollercoaster, in the rain, in St. Louis.
17. that I learned to appreciate music.
18. adopting.
19. The Chvrches concert. It was how concerts should feel.
20. New Mexico sunsets.
21. Reconnecting with my high school BFF and being one who demonstrated unconditional, sacrificial love.
22. Being stranded in an airport and befriending a total stranger.
23. knowing Jared Glenn.
24. Loving with my whole heart, even if that has never really paid off.
25. Understanding the value of true family, whether there’s blood relation there or not.
26. catching live crabs and cooking them on the beach.
27. the first time I held hands with a boy, no feeling compares.
28. seeing my niece be born.
29. the moment I met my husband and knew we would be married.
30. My first DMB show.
31. The secret P!ATD show in Boise, when Gen was little, complete with awesome treatment, tv interviews, etc.
32. Attending a wedding with an MTV film crew.
33. the first time I loped on a horse.
34. The gift of knowing and loving my grandfather.
35. My dog Paisley’s love for me. Life affirming.
36. My grandmother’s chicken and dumplings.
37. When my stomach finally eased after my first major bout with sea sickness.
38. The week long backpacking trip I went on, when I was in 8th grade.
39. Seeing a large meteor shower.
40. Seeing Wicked on broadway.
41. The time a bear went through our camp while we slept under the stars.
42. walking at the ocean, feet in sand and sea.
43. The first time I body surfed.
44. Genny’s Twilight impressions, when she was younger.
45. Learning to give facials.
46. any inside joke, with my husband.
47. Staying at the Regent Beverly Wiltshire.
48. Gen’s 6th birthday, in the hotel on Easter. it was really fun and a nice connection moment for C & I, with midnight cake and snuggles.
49. Christmas with my husband and all three of my kids.
50. The twin foster babies we had.
51. When my husband baked me a lemon cake for my birthday. It was one of the most beautiful, thoughtful moments I’ve had with anyone.
52. Tummy slamming, with Melanie, when we were little.
53. My cousin Kyle. He really changed my childhood.
54. My pet turtle Rosie, who made the journey from my house to my grandmother’s, a few blocks away, and back.
55. My german shepherd/husky (when I was a kid) named Betsy.
56. White water rafting.
57. The way autumn smells, in Idaho.
58. That huge, terrifying storm we had in Kansas, when I was 17.
59. Stars, porches and conversation.
60. My California girls trip, in 2001.
61. Alicia Michelle.
62. Petting an Elephant at the Portland Zoo.
63. The San Diego Valentines day getaway I had with Chw in 2002.
64. bacon wrapped dates in Illinois. Delicious dinner and lovely evening conversation.
65. The Blake hotel in Chicago. Stunning.
66. The gigantic moon the Christmas of 1999 in Phoenix.
67. My bus ride to Kentucky, from New Mexico.
68. The summer I went in a semi to Los Angeles.
69. The look on Chw’s face with his surprise 40th birthday. Making him happy was always my favorite thing ever, there was no one more deserving.
70. Hours and hours of playing Killer Bunnies.
71. Girl’s day on Make your Own Holiday day.
72. Being published in The Pink Project.
73. the living room conversation I had in 92. It was terrifying and safe to be known so well.
74. saving myself from my sexually abusive step dad.
75. the Detroit blackout in 2003.
76. the magic of my first plane ride to Michigan, amidst the turmoil surrounding me.
77. My grandparents shed, my safe haven.
78. playing “Mermaids” in Monique’s pool.
79. Seeing Chw & Gen when i got home from the LA nightmare.
80. My first trip to NYC. Tiffany & Co, Central Park & FAO Shwartz.
81. the first time I shot with my Canon.
82. My one and only healthy ultrasound.
83. Whenever I hug my son.
84. Face to Face conversations with my daughter Amanda.
85. Amanda’s wedding. Helping, being there for her and getting her through it, the father/daughter dance and how stunning she looked.
86. Waking up for 6 months of beautiful mornings, in the smoky mountains.
87. The most delightful conversation imaginable, with Emma Thompson.
88. Witnessing both the sun rising on the US east coast and the sun setting on US west coast. Different days, but still a gift.
89. email corresponding with my grandmother’s favorite soap opera actress, after my grandmother died.
90. Chw and his little figurine for me after I had my first real operation in 1999. It’s never meant more for me to see anyone in all my life.
91. hearing strange sounds and learning my cat, whom I didn’t even know was pregnant, had just delivered one single kitten, who looked nothing at all like her. It felt like a miracle.
92. A youth that included white water rafting, snow tubing, ice blocking and casually floating the river. It was a blessed adolescence for sure.
93. late night dance parties, being surrounded by the coolest of people you know.
94. Eerily quiet Chinatown, in San Francisco. Exhilarating.
95. Becoming sisters with my sister Sherri, who is my heart sister but I know there isn’t anyway we could be more genuinely real.
96. Being Julie’s heart daughter. She’s been gone a decade, this year, and I am still in awe of her love for me.
97. heart pounding risks…
98. following my instinct/intuition, and learning something anyway, when it may not work out.
99. Discovering Chinese massage. It may not be amazing everywhere, but here it is extraordinary.
100. My relationship with God, learning to blind trust and love through it has been the biggest adventure of my life…