just a reflection…


As we wind down the last days of two-thousand and thirteen, I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the place my feet are planted now versus where they were this time last year.

We were coming to the close of what was, hands down, the most terrifying, taxing, grueling, stress-filled 16 months of our lives. They had started with me being diagnosed with pneumonia and nearly dying followed by the absolutely hardest journeys we’ve gone through with each one of our kids. {Truthfully the words personal hell don’t seem to touch how difficult that time frame was.} By the time we had reached the weekend before Christmas, of last year, it felt like my husband and I were barely dragging ourselves to the finish line. We knew that life had to give us a break, a change, or we were done…

We approached the new year the same way we do every year… With personal lists of hopes and goals. Among them, he wanted a new job. Between my medical bills, due to our horrible insurance, and other debt we had incurred throughout the horrible battles of 2012, we had pretty much supported ourselves on credit and that credit had reached a limit. It hadn’t been ideal, and at Chw’s job there had been no way at all that we ever would be able to climb out of that, BUT we had simply tried to survive.

We moved to Michigan in March. We found out about the opportunity about a month before hand. In the time since we’ve been here, we’ve paid a lot of our debt and every time we can file a PAID IN FULL statement, it’s nothing but gratitude I feel- like a miracle. But it isn’t just that…

My husband was stressed beyond belief. He had hypertension, constant bouts with chest pains, stress headaches and was (I believe) going to kill himself on stress within 5 years. He had aged himself drastically in the few years he had been at his position. He was not the man I knew, at all. Now, the man I love is back. He’s running and enjoying life, loves his new job and has a renewed appreciation for things.

And there’s me… This adjustment hasn’t been very easy on me. I love fiercely. I LOVE my sister and my friends and I miss them like CRAZY! Leaving them and living on what feels like the other side of the universe has been really hard! But, health wise, my migraines have gone down 90% due to medication and my lungs have healed drastically. When I began seeing my doctor this summer I was deaf in my right ear and my lungs were functioning at 28% after the pneumonia.  I can hear perfectly and my lungs are at 90%. Those two things just weren’t being addressed or treated back in Idaho due to my lack of good insurance.

Comparing that day then, to this date today, I’m humbled and in awe. Either of us could be dead, our bodies simply giving out. Emotionally we were pretty close to it. Financially we were on the verge of only God knows what, but it was terrifyingly bad and the darkest place ever…

But we aren’t.

We’re here, safe… healthy. Warm, fed, happy and together.

So, I know today might be really hard for a lot of people out there. I know it might feel really isolating, or terrifying, or unsolvable… But it’s just today. We have no idea how incredibly our circumstances can change. At the very least, I hope this encourages someone out there.

4 thoughts on “just a reflection…

  1. Wow, Rainydayinmay, it sounds like your last year was so hard. Oh. I’m so glad that this year has been better, and that you have been seeing your man more relaxed, money stuff has gotten less tight and you are seeing relief from some of the debt burden; and that your migraines have been better. May this 2014 be even better!

    Re your comment on my post “Is God Forced into It?” Oh I agree, and that he delights in us, and loves us unconditionally. Yes, even knowing our brokenness, too.

    What a God.

    Jennifer Dougan

  2. This is so lovely. I am so happy for you that you are in such a different place this year. I play that game too – looking back a year to see how far I’ve come. It’s such a great way to count our blessings.

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