family, journey

Today…

Today I am just needing to talk. I am needing someone to be there and listen, and to tell me they know how i feel. 
Today I am looking for understanding. Understanding of the facts that I’m not perfect, and never will be. Understanding of the fact that my life won’t fit into your a-typical little box, and I am ok with that… 
Today I am needing something. Anything. Compulsively I am looking at my phone, at my email, at my facebook, at the wall. I glance at my to-do list and want to do none of it. 
Today I am biting my lip and forcing tears backwards. I am binding it all together and cheering myself to get through tomorrow night. 
Note world: come 11 a.m. on Saturday morning- I am giving myself permission to freak out, cry, yell, pound fists and admit to anyone who will listen how completely helpless and overwhelmed I feel. About everything. About everyone. 
But this isn’t about Saturday… It’s about today. 
Today I just want someone, anyone, to be there… 
But if there was someone- I wouldn’t have the first clue what to say… 
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9 thoughts on “Today…”

  1. I'm here. And I would be completely freaking out if it were my son, in some ways moreso than if it were my husband, which in my case is more likely. I had nightmares last night of Jacob in the military…That said…you can't hold it in. FInd a way to get away for just a short time and let it out. Please DO this. You need a little bit of release or you won't make it through Gen's party and SHE needs you to. I know you KNOW this, but I'm telling you to get it out. You will have just a bit easier time making that smile stick for your dear daughter. Hugs and more hugs, tears and prayers are totally coming to you from me. He will be fine and you all will be fine. Love to you!Becki

  2. I am here too. When I feel like the world is over taking me I just let it out. One day I went to the nearest park and just screamed. I didn't care who was listening. Yes, I did that and once back home I was feeling okay, because as REM's song says "Everyone Hurts sometimes…" I hope my humble words will help. Feel good soon, a big hug.

  3. I am here… write it all out, call me and talk it all out, it doesn't have to make sense. My whole family is praying for Lucas (and all of you.)

  4. I am here. I hear you…and will totally listen.I've been in a spot where you don't know whether you should just cry or kick the shit out of something or lay in a corner somewhere. It sucks. It's lonely there but know that you are not alone. We are all here for you.Scream and we will listen.Sending you hugs.

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