Category: marriage

My moments…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay6 Comments
The Homeschool Mother's Journal


In my life this week…

A lovely day date with my husband, to celebrate our 17th anniversary. We had so much fun doing the simplest of things like talking, dreaming, boutique browsing, brunch, frozen yogurt, going to the movies, lots of walking, fresh roasted peanuts and sharing a crepe from a local creperie. Just lovely… 


Skyped with Lucas on Sunday which was probably the BEST Mom moment of the week!

I also started a new writing project. I’m not sure, at the time, whether this will be something that is going to be bigger than “just something I need to write, right now” or not. At any rate, it’s a mixed bag of emotions penning it out… 
In our homeschool this week…
We are so close to the end of the school year that our energy is electric. (yep, this is in between the bouts of fits, back talking and whining…) We are already wrapping up a couple of subjects that she’s ahead in (Literature and Language Arts) which frees up more time for the others, and will hopefully lead to being done (for summer) by the third week of May. 
We are studying the weather which means we’ve got to do lots of fun projects. Some of them we’ve done before but it’s fun seeing it all through this stage in Gen’s learning. 


We took a “field” trip to see Soul Surfer. If i set all acting/production criticisms aside I can say I honestly loved it. My little book worm loves the story so I ordered a copy of Bethany’s book for Gen’s Easter Basket. Nothing like the last minute… 
Places we’re going and people we’re seeing…
this weekend we have our sweet little (turning 5 year old) friend’s birthday party! I am hoping to take some great shots because I think it will be divine! We also have a trip to the Theatre to see Hairspray– which we are SUPER excited about! 
My favorite thing this week was…
I have taken to capturing mental snapshots of moments. It’s my new goal to be super aware, or something. Anyway, we buy our milk from a dairy a couple hours outside of here. When the farmer’s market is closed for season we have our produce delivered through a local organic company that couples with this dairy to deliver milk too. When it’s farmer’s market season though- we have to buy this milk from a local shop. Wednesday Gen and I went in to said shop (which is incidentally an Antique Mall) to buy some milk so we could make fresh ice cream. There I stood, at their old fashioned counter, paying for my glass bottle of milk while Genny was choosing which sort of old fashioned candy stick she wanted. I felt like we’d stepped right through a portal. It was awesome. Then the woman handed me my bank card and latte (see how i failed to mention they also deal in espresso??? ;) ) and my little antique moment was shattered… 

What’s working/not working for us…
this weather… oh my gosh. Rain (and clouds) seriously- GO AWAY! We need vitamin d and sunshine. (and my head needs a break in this barometric pressure!

A photo, video, link, or quote to share…

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The Yen and the Yang…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay5 Comments
Seventeen years ago today I married my husband. We were young. Very young. 
I have been thinking a lot about that day. 
Cherishing these seconds with Lucas, before he departs and eventually deploys, it is hard not to be reflective… 
Those early days of marriage, I was naive. I was a fool in an abundance of ways. Maybe there are newly eighteen year olds who are ready for such a huge event- but I know that I wasn’t… 
Even so- I look at my amazing husband and our God-sewn family and my heart stretches at the seem, about to burst. Just when I feel a slight tear and am sure my heart can’t hold any more goodness and gratitude- it grows a bit more. I can not believe my luck, my gifts, my blessings… 
I caught external glimpses of my life yesterday, as my family laughed and enjoyed togetherness. Though the reasons behind my kids making their way into my life are horrific and unacceptable- I can’t imagine loving anyone more. 
My husband and these three kids, who can barely even be called that anymore, complete me. 
Not in a cliche’ way, either… Just an honest one. 
But it is this one man, (my husband,} and this one boy-turned man, (my son,) overwhelming my heart today. I look at my husband’s face, hand in his, and long to freeze time. To hold his gaze forever, no illness or loss clouding over us. This is the better that our ages-ago-vows were talking about… I want the nightmares we’ve lived to be the worst and just revel in this moment together.
 I look at my son’s smile and I ache to freeze time too… 
To keep him safe. To keep him happy, healthy…
To keep him home. 
But still, the clock ticks on. 
Tomorrow is just another day, the first day into our next year of marriage. More journey. More betters and even more worses. 
Tomorrow my son, who is so much a man but still that little boy I fell in mommy love with those years ago, boards a plane that feels overwhelming, and honestly pretty scary… 
{To my husband: I love you so much. SO MUCH. You make my life a tremendously amazing thing that no word describes. You are everything wonderful that I am not. I can not imagine a world without you… I love who you are, for these kids. You are incredible… 
Happy Anniversary… }
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Sometimes the accent says it best…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay10 Comments
Cup of tea in hand, I am writing to you with a British accent to tell you how pleased I am with the King’s Speech. Truly, truly gloriously thrilled… And yes, congratulations abound to the other winners as well. But to Colin most specifically, I love you…
Moving on- life is funny sometimes. By funny I do not mean comically funny, (though it is sometimes that) as much as ironic, or what have you. Back in January when I decided to devote February to this challenge of loving my family, life looked one specific way and today, as this month comes to a close, it looks entirely different. Some 28 days ago, I was more happy-go-lucky and less deep-in-thought. Some twenty-eight days ago, it was just Chw, Genny and I dancing our way through this silly house. We were teetering on the edge of becoming foster parents and stepping our way towards adopting again. My mother was pre-opping for a surgery that would restore her quality of life and my older two kids were moving along on their separate paths towards greatness. 
Things were good. 
Today I am processing from a weekend where my mother ended up in the ER following a 21 day journey which has led her through over a week in ICU, three weeks of delirium and confusion, dangerously low bouts of blood pressure and oxygen, touch and go nights, a transition into a rehabilitation program and lastly a pulmonary embolism landing her back in the hospital.. . The common question on our minds, these days, whenever my mom comes to mind is: Will she ever be the same again? Her again? Thus far, there are no answers, only head scratching. 
Also, over this weekend, my oldest daughter moved home. Although this sounds ordinary enough, anyone who truly knows our family knows this was a development no one saw coming. On an entirely different note, a dear girl who nannied for us last year is also coming to stay with us for a time. A quiet house of three, (except for the two noisy dogs) is about to get quite full, and much to Chw’s dismay, incredibly estrogen filled. 
Major developments and changes are coming to the lives of our nieces and nephews, whom we love as our own. Some heartbreakingly sad (for us), some wonderful… All in all, it’s tough to be here in the sidelines… 
And then, there is the matter of my Sunday afternoon coffee with my future daughter in law. She is beautiful and bright, and as awkward as the circumstances may be, meeting her was a highlight. She has a 2 year old son that Chw & I also look forward to getting to know, even if our son is serving in the Army away from home. It’s a strange idea, getting to know his someday bride and stepson, especially when ninety-nine percent of their relationship has been long distance. Then again, it’s a strange idea that, at 34, I could be this little boy’s step-grandmother. That’s the funny thing, I guess, about our journey of loving and being blessed with kids who are not biologically ours. Though, don’t burst Genny’s bubble if you run into her and she tries to flaunt that my son was born when I was thirteen years old. She likes to make us sound so controversial… ;) 
I’ve been looking at my family quite a bit, this weekend. Even if, from a distance… Looking at my amazingly strong husband; at my brave and maturing son; at my beautiful daughter with her responsibility and stubborness and at adorable little Genny, who put on eye liner at a sleepover and looked less adorable and way less little when we picked her up- sadly… I’ve been looking at my mom, and her life… Looking at my sister and her children. Lots of looking… Lots of gratitude… Lots of loving. 
I am blessed. Amidst the ICU and Emergency Room phone calls, amidst the long distance threats of deployment and awkward Starbucks introductions, I am blessed… 
Today I will, in my 28th day of this challenge: 
– Keep looking. Keep thanking. Keep loving… 
My entire family completes me, grows me, matures me and makes me a better person- every day. Every single thing about me that you might find good is because of my husband and/or these kids… 
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He’s still my leading man…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay8 Comments
Last night while I was cruising around town with my man, I had the panicked realization that this would be the last weekend to shower my family with love. How horrible is that? In all actuality, it’s merely the last weekend of the challenge… hmm… at any rate, it’s also Oscar weekend and, as we know- that’s a pretty stinkin’ big deal in my world of shallow movie obsessions. 
Case in point, my girl friend is coming up to take care of some business, from California. When she shared her weekend travel plans with me, my first thought was What?!?!? you leave home on Oscar weekend??? I am ashamed of what you must thing of me now… 
Genny was hanging out with some friends, which spurred my cruising around town date. It had originally been a date to (finally) see the Fighter, but show times weren’t lining up. It then morphed into a bowling date- but the wait time at the lanes cramped our style and we ended up grabbing a quick dinner and perusing the aisles of Le’ Target Boutique… 
Ooh La La, tres’ glamour… 
The highlight was, most definitely, convincing Chw to try on this leprechaun novelty hat/beard thing. I laughed until tears flooded my face, it was so fantastic. He, however, became doubled over in laughter (influenced completely from my hysterics) and removed the ensemble. I did convince him to try it on one more time for a photo op with his iPhone.  He was opposed to me taking a photo, for fear of me broadcasting it to the entire world- but at least a photo (for now) exists… 
Since he wouldn’t give me blog photo fodder to share, alas’ I am forced to interrupt these last challenge days to share with you a few hopes and predictions…

Lead Actor: Colin Firth (of course…)
Lead Actress: Natalie Portman
Supporting Actor: Christian Bale (he’s the one who looks like Jesus… At least last we saw, and acts like Satan.) 
Supporting Actress: Melissa Leo
Animated: Toy Story 3
Director: David Fincher, Social Network
Editing: 127 Hours
Foreign Language: Biutiful (this is more what i Want, not what I think will win…)
Screenplay, adapted: 127 Hours
Screenplay, original: the King’s Speech
Film: 127 hours (personally, the BEST film, of the 10, that I saw… I would also be thrilled if The King’s Speech won… If Social Network wins I will scream. This is a brilliant film, but nothing in comparison…)

Just watch… Social Network will win.
Sigh... 

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There’s no place like home…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay5 Comments
I guess I am a slow learner because, years ago, while complaining about some annoying habit or phase Chw was in, someone older and much wiser assured me that someday I would grow to not even notice… 
And it’s true. 
{Don’t get me wrong- the way he eats ice cream still drives me about crazy, but I simply stare intently at the clock as the minutes tick by until he is done- and then I breathe easy and move on with life.} 
But really, I genuinely enjoy being with him. There are days when simply sharing a sitcom with him feels like true, quality time. When a day, (like yesterday) doesn’t go well at all, just calling him and talking to him really does help. I can’t explain it. There are days, (again, yesterday) when I just can’t wait for him to walk in the door. I fit perfectly into his embrace, my head rests perfectly below his shoulder and when he takes me in his arms, I know I am home. 
I can think of a billion reasons why I love him, how I genuinely appreciate him and things that set him apart from other guys. Every day I am overcome with gratitude for him and almost overwhelmed by how much I love him and how tender our relationship is. 
It’s a really good place to be. 
That being said, it wasn’t always like this. Once we reconciled from our divorce, our issues from before (sans the affair) were still there. We had horrible relational skills. He was quick to anger and violent out bursts, while I had a venomous, wicked tongue. There were days when I knew we’d never reach a milestone anniversary. He was a man who was willingly work obsessed, made easier by the fact that his job was incredibly demanding. Feeling completely abandoned, (partially because there were lingering scars and feelings from our divorce and the reasons behind it.) I clung to a friendship with an ex of mine. Being his friend was not a mistake. It has been two years since we’ve had any interaction, and I still attest to that. I miss his friendship, he’s a super cool guy. At any rate, I made a lot of mistakes in our friendship- most of which were relying on him for my emotional support and acceptance, something I should have received from my husband. I need to clarify, this was nothing remotely adulterous… It would never have ended my marriage… I take complete responsibility for all of it… I made mistakes. Ones that were made out of the best of intentions, (i.e. I trusted him, so if I had a bad day or needed someone, I’d go to him.) simply attempting to meet a human emotional need with what was a genuine, natural, and familiar connection. Chw knew of our friendship, and that I talked to him about a lot. There were no secrets, or betrayals. Chw later admitted to me that he was completely fine with it, because it left him free to focus on work. 
Work. Which provided, in the ways he needed, the same outlet for him. 
Just as having this friendship wasn’t the source of the problem for me, (nor was my friend at fault) work was not the source of the problem for Chw. 
I know of THREE marriages that have ended, since Christmas, due to emotional affairs. And statistically, there are a lot more. This is just people I either know, or know of through friends… 
My point with all of this is that we have to keep ourselves transparent and available to our spouse. Even if we feel they are giving the best of themselves to someone else. (and I’m NOT talking about an affair. I’m talking about preventing affairs…) I fully believe the very best way to safeguard a marriage- and the only way mine has become what it has- is to be completely present and raw with your husband. 
Now, it is that emotional intimacy between us that keeps me present and connected to my life. This somehow flows into our kids and our other friendships and familiships. And honestly, even when my friend would be there for me, it never felt like what I needed, which frustrated me. It never pacified me, and that only added to the frustration and emptiness i felt. Though it would never have happened between he and I, i do see how an affair could be born out of a similar situation… Having friends, or a demanding career you love, can be great- but if we are not completely aware of everything we do in those things, and don’t make it a point to truly connect with our spouse (on a different level)- we will ruin our marriage. Maybe it won’t end in divorce, but what kind of a marriage is an empty and contentless one? Nothing but a shell… 
My husband is my home. My husband feels like home. Good days, bad days… But we both worked our asses off, to get to this place and it takes work to stay here… 
Today, in my 28 day challenge, I will: 
– go on a date with my husband, and HAVE FUN! 
– laugh with him. 
– listen to his day. 
– tell him how much I appreciate him and thank him, in a non- generic way, for the things he does… 

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