family, gratitude, marriage

The Yen and the Yang…

Seventeen years ago today I married my husband. We were young. Very young. 
I have been thinking a lot about that day. 
Cherishing these seconds with Lucas, before he departs and eventually deploys, it is hard not to be reflective… 
Those early days of marriage, I was naive. I was a fool in an abundance of ways. Maybe there are newly eighteen year olds who are ready for such a huge event- but I know that I wasn’t… 
Even so- I look at my amazing husband and our God-sewn family and my heart stretches at the seem, about to burst. Just when I feel a slight tear and am sure my heart can’t hold any more goodness and gratitude- it grows a bit more. I can not believe my luck, my gifts, my blessings… 
I caught external glimpses of my life yesterday, as my family laughed and enjoyed togetherness. Though the reasons behind my kids making their way into my life are horrific and unacceptable- I can’t imagine loving anyone more. 
My husband and these three kids, who can barely even be called that anymore, complete me. 
Not in a cliche’ way, either… Just an honest one. 
But it is this one man, (my husband,} and this one boy-turned man, (my son,) overwhelming my heart today. I look at my husband’s face, hand in his, and long to freeze time. To hold his gaze forever, no illness or loss clouding over us. This is the better that our ages-ago-vows were talking about… I want the nightmares we’ve lived to be the worst and just revel in this moment together.
 I look at my son’s smile and I ache to freeze time too… 
To keep him safe. To keep him happy, healthy…
To keep him home. 
But still, the clock ticks on. 
Tomorrow is just another day, the first day into our next year of marriage. More journey. More betters and even more worses. 
Tomorrow my son, who is so much a man but still that little boy I fell in mommy love with those years ago, boards a plane that feels overwhelming, and honestly pretty scary… 
{To my husband: I love you so much. SO MUCH. You make my life a tremendously amazing thing that no word describes. You are everything wonderful that I am not. I can not imagine a world without you… I love who you are, for these kids. You are incredible… 
Happy Anniversary… }
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5 thoughts on “The Yen and the Yang…”

  1. What a lovely post! As a mom of two boys, my heart breaks for you as your son deploys. I cannot imagine what that must be like. But to have a partner by your side hopefully eases the pain a little. Good luck to you and your boys, big and bigger. And thank you to your son. :-)

  2. What a sweet post! Wishing your son all the best as he deploys and during his time away. As Alison said, I just can't imagine. Sending good thoughts!

  3. Happy Anniversary my sweet friend. It seems a million years ago that we all passed love notes between the wall of the dorm. I am so blessed that God placed you and yours in my life.I will keep you all in my prayers.

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