Awhile ago I wrote about battling my own demons regarding what was happening last year, around this time, versus now. I think that maybe I had it all figured out, in my head, that by this point in my life, I would know more. (and let’s be honest, be more…) When I think of a 40 year old wife and mother, there are a series of things that I personally feel shouldn’t be in my plan. (in yours, or anyone else’s, its fine.) How after a 22 year long relationship, I we should not have separated. Sure, life would happen, and there for about a year it would happen BIG, but by that point shouldn’t we have it figured out? Or, how after losing 138 lbs, I shouldn’t gain 20. That doesn’t even make sense. What about how, after so many years, we shouldn’t be living in a tiny apartment crippled by debt.
While it would be true to say that I had other plans, the more accurate reality is that I had other expectations, for me.
Between you and I, I am trying so hard to work through those things and deal with life differently. I don’t want to live with the weight of the feelings that accompany the disappointment in my life and where it’s at. Have I made mistakes? Yes, of course I have. Have things happened which weren’t my fault? Again, of course. At the end of the day, however, it simply doesn’t (or shouldn’t) matter.
I feel like my head is a little clearer, and my heart is a little less muddled and stuck in the hauntings of the past year. This is due some to praying about it, some to talking with friends and Chw about it, and due to just realizing truths about myself. This life, until the day I no longer take breath, will be a journey. There will be peaks and there will be valleys. We expect and accept this within the boundaries of the shared stories from the lives and journeys of others, but when it comes to the way we perceive our own life adventures- our expectations are tremendously different.
This month I am journeying forth a little differently. March is always BIG for me, big with the sentiment and big with the pressure. March is my birth month and my birthdays and I have always been without peace. I wanted to share with you how I plan to take control of this journey (in a healthy way) and move forward, navigating through it, to something better…
Me:
- Do a photo of the day challenge on Instagram.
- Do a 31 day Scripture writing challenge.
- Read a fiction book, a memoir and a nonfiction book.
- Be a better breakfaster
- REALLY celebrate my birthday, how I want to celebrate it.
- Choose books or gentle creativity on those days when life (and fibromyalgia) make major functioning too difficult, instead of turning on the tv.
- continue striving to be intentional in the relationships I hold most dear.
- Journal. It doesn’t matter how, just that I do.
Home:
- keep fresh flowers home, when I am home.
- experiment more with essential oils.
- keep wholesome and delicious things made so that my family always has something good and desirable to eat.
- continue the journey of minimizing and striving for less.
Family:
- celebrate my grandson’s 6th birthday.
- spend quality time visiting my daughter.
- celebrate my son’s birthday, though he is far-far away.
- celebrate my youngest daughter’s crossing into adulthood.
- make moments momentous, without the aid of stuff.
Create:
- experiment more with photography.
- make significant progress on a writing project I am doing.
- Play around with baking, here and there.
- Do more with my hands.
Health:
- I reiterate: be a better breakfaster.
- try, try, try to do the ACV thing.
- experiment with DIY tooth polish.
- Be more active.
- Lose 10 lbs.
- Be more intentional and deliberate with Yoga.
Spring is such an encouraging time of year. Already I am feeling motivated by it. What about you? What are you working on or looking forward to, this spring?
I sit here, laptop flat on the deep grey quilt. To my left there is that one thread, unraveling big. To many, this would mean it is time to shop for a new one, while to me it simply makes my heart soar a little. This quilt makes up a small piece of the larger picture of home. It has wear spots and snags, like all good home things do.
There is a virus, or exhaustion, (or perhaps a virus by exhaustion) making its way through our house, this week. We’ve each got a touch of it, somehow. These are the sort of things which don’t seem to fit into the to-do lists and planners, thus leading to frustration. Yesterday, (which I’ll get more to in a bit) found me waking with a massive headache, 2 hours AFTER I wanted to wake. Sleep had been rocky up until about 3 hours before I actually got up, so that was pretty awesome. I had half an hour to dress and head to a class I am taking, led in video sessions, by Shauna Niequist. Also factor in the emotional and defiant teen, who has been a bit of a struggle this week, and it made for not the best half hour. I showed up, to the class, barely dressed, without make up and crowned with crazy, curly hair. Who knew it would be a class filled with gorgeous, fit, SAHM’s, all so put together I double checked to see if I had walked into a magazine spread shoot.
rainydayinmay.com 