Restorative?

rainydayinmay.com/blog

On Fridays, Kate issues a simple writing prompt into the vast internet. Those of us who wish, write free flow style, for five minutes and then we link up to share, support and encourage others. It’s pretty great. If you haven’t read theirs, you should… This week’s writing prompt is: RESTORE

~

This is, perhaps a letter. A gentle, pleading note to the core of me- my soul… to the world around my spirit which needs to loosen its grip (or at least handle me more kindly)… A plea maybe, most of all, to the God who designed, orchestrates and holds it all within the palms of His hands…

Restore within me an eye for the goodness surrounding me, that I might see the specks of its glitter sparkle amidst the settling dust and ash.

It is there.

It has to be.

I know it is…

Or do I simply believe it? And are they the same? I am wondering.

No, I am wandering…

I am lost.

Nearly three years of uncertainty and sadness pull me beneath that space where water meets air. Over again I kick to the surface, inhaling sharply before I am dragged back down again. Feet slamming into the murky floor of a depth rising as the seconds pass. The pressure builds, my strength wanes. I can’t imagine having the ability to kick much more, yet off I go.

How many times has it been now?

Even more draining is the wondering how many times more.

Restore within me the ability to need nothing new. Nothing else from anyone, because once I lived in that place and though the not needing felt invigorating and free- the living it weighed a bit heavy and cold. As I have allowed myself to grow more see through, I’ve found my needs appear as well. When your transparency becomes you, wounds often happen easier.

Needs forever unmet have a way of producing in me the feelings of never having been met-

never having been seen.

never having been.

~

Well… There were my five minutes. A little dark today, I’d say. The brain goes where it goes…

I actually adore Fridays and put out a weekly email spotlighting the things I loved the most, within the week. I share personally, in a way more appropriate for the intimacy of an email- and though it’s authentic, it is much less dark! I’d love to connect with you, too!

Categories: chronic illness, depression, journey, writing

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6 Comments »

  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have been in the dark as you have described but with God there is always hope. I get my head up and look around and see that things are good.

  2. Bless your heart. Praying for you today as you seek His face for the Light you need. Oh how God loves you and oh how He provides for all of us when things seem so dark.

  3. It IS there, Misty. All you have to do is as easy as the hardest thing you’ve ever done – let go of the graces you’ve tried to make for yourself.

    And then, like dew-drops shining in the dawn. you will see God’s Graces, freely given, all around you.

    Praying for you, my friend.

  4. This made me tear up, I cannot tell you how much I understand this. I am sometimes left wondering, there is so much good, why do I feel so heavy. There is so much light, why am I so dark. We are not alone though sweet soul, remember to find those that love you and wrap your arms around them, tell them you need them right now.

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