Pressing Pause…

Happy Friday! I am once again participating with the Five Minute Friday crew…

(The way it works is, there is a word that we each spend ONLY FIVE MINUTES writing on- whatever comes to mind.)

~

I feel like I might be coming across like a broken record, repetitive…

I started this little, long-awaited passion project roughly seven weeks ago and I had no idea how many things would change, in my life. I took a leap, not knowing what doors (or opportunities) would become so within my grasp. Is it possible for those dreams, which one has carried deep within their sacred places, to be owned and lived and real? In this minute it seems so…

Right now, most elements of this life I live seem on the verge of changing. I’m trusting and moving forward, even though between you & I, I kind of want to hide under my covers and wait til life goes back to the quiet that it was. Not for any healthy reasons, of course, but because I am scared. Fearful of failure, fearful of success. Fearful of change, even though I know (I know this!) that all three of those things can be very positive, cathartic and vitally necessary things.

I’m taking more deep breaths, these days.

Intentionally pressing pause on the bits of my moment which I do control. (and accepting the rest, which I do not.)

Inhaling, savoring, taking note and remembering the way the sunlight is beaming in such a way, streaming in jagged rays through my patio door, the air smelling of fresh-cut grass, a hint of this morning’s coffee aroma lingering there, just barely. These things, these little details I often take for granted, they build together- contributing to the bigger things. Often the best of things…

I am so grateful.

Grateful for the good, for the less than good, grateful simply for the journey. I am flawed and that inner critic in me wants to compose a massive-neon warning to let everyone know that I am not your girl. I am not ready. I am not worthy. The ugly, timid and guttural part of my spirit yearns to slam on the breaks, let anxiety take the reigns and slip into full on self-destruct mode.

Today, today I know better than to give in.

So today- right now- I pause.

Inhale.

Exhale…

And I’ll keep repeating, for as long as I need to. Come what may, I’m strapped in and ready.

~

Categories: gifts, gratitude, journey, writing

19 Comments »

  1. Dear Misty, thank you for being vulnerably honest. I can relate to “not your girl…not worthy…not ready” way too much. God is more than enough for our not-enoughs. Hugs.
    Blessings ~ Wendy

  2. Fear has always and forever been the enemy. And then a day came when I accepted that I was always going to be afraid and I made friends with fear. Because scared or not, we do it anyway!

  3. oh how I hear you fears keeping you from dreams. Its so excited to be on the verge of something new and unknown, and yet you know that it could be so beautiful. Thinking of you as you step forward one moment at a time. You are loved! I also love the way you expressed your working through these thoughts.

Your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.