Happy Friday! I am once again participating with the Five Minute Friday crew…
(The way it works is, there is a word that we each spend ONLY FIVE MINUTES writing on- whatever comes to mind.)
I feel like I might be coming across like a broken record, repetitive…
I started this little, long-awaited passion project roughly seven weeks ago and I had no idea how many things would change, in my life. I took a leap, not knowing what doors (or opportunities) would become so within my grasp. Is it possible for those dreams, which one has carried deep within their sacred places, to be owned and lived and real? In this minute it seems so…
Right now, most elements of this life I live seem on the verge of changing. I’m trusting and moving forward, even though between you & I, I kind of want to hide under my covers and wait til life goes back to the quiet that it was. Not for any healthy reasons, of course, but because I am scared. Fearful of failure, fearful of success. Fearful of change, even though I know (I know this!) that all three of those things can be very positive, cathartic and vitally necessary things.
I’m taking more deep breaths, these days.
Intentionally pressing pause on the bits of my moment which I do control. (and accepting the rest, which I do not.)
Inhaling, savoring, taking note and remembering the way the sunlight is beaming in such a way, streaming in jagged rays through my patio door, the air smelling of fresh-cut grass, a hint of this morning’s coffee aroma lingering there, just barely. These things, these little details I often take for granted, they build together- contributing to the bigger things. Often the best of things…
I am so grateful.
Grateful for the good, for the less than good, grateful simply for the journey. I am flawed and that inner critic in me wants to compose a massive-neon warning to let everyone know that I am not your girl. I am not ready. I am not worthy. The ugly, timid and guttural part of my spirit yearns to slam on the breaks, let anxiety take the reigns and slip into full on self-destruct mode.
Today, today I know better than to give in.
So today- right now- I pause.
And I’ll keep repeating, for as long as I need to. Come what may, I’m strapped in and ready.