Happy Friday! I am once again participating with the Five Minute Friday crew…
(The way it works is, there is a word that we each spend ONLY FIVE MINUTES writing on- whatever comes to mind.)
~
I feel like I might be coming across like a broken record, repetitive…
I started this little, long-awaited passion project roughly seven weeks ago and I had no idea how many things would change, in my life. I took a leap, not knowing what doors (or opportunities) would become so within my grasp. Is it possible for those dreams, which one has carried deep within their sacred places, to be owned and lived and real? In this minute it seems so…
Right now, most elements of this life I live seem on the verge of changing. I’m trusting and moving forward, even though between you & I, I kind of want to hide under my covers and wait til life goes back to the quiet that it was. Not for any healthy reasons, of course, but because I am scared. Fearful of failure, fearful of success. Fearful of change, even though I know (I know this!) that all three of those things can be very positive, cathartic and vitally necessary things.
I’m taking more deep breaths, these days.
Intentionally pressing pause on the bits of my moment which I do control. (and accepting the rest, which I do not.)
Inhaling, savoring, taking note and remembering the way the sunlight is beaming in such a way, streaming in jagged rays through my patio door, the air smelling of fresh-cut grass, a hint of this morning’s coffee aroma lingering there, just barely. These things, these little details I often take for granted, they build together- contributing to the bigger things. Often the best of things…
I am so grateful.
Grateful for the good, for the less than good, grateful simply for the journey. I am flawed and that inner critic in me wants to compose a massive-neon warning to let everyone know that I am not your girl. I am not ready. I am not worthy. The ugly, timid and guttural part of my spirit yearns to slam on the breaks, let anxiety take the reigns and slip into full on self-destruct mode.
Today, today I know better than to give in.
So today- right now- I pause.
Inhale.
Exhale…
And I’ll keep repeating, for as long as I need to. Come what may, I’m strapped in and ready.
~
Rainy Day in May... 
Isn’t this the nicest prompt. I love hearing how you are savoring the changes in your life. You have a beautiful blog.
thank you for your sweet comment! And yes, my spirit LITERALLY sighed when I saw it. I was really considering NOT sharing this week, and determined I’d let the theme decide.
I am loving all the reminders to pause and breathe. I find it hard to enjoy change. I ponder the what-if’s too much. I hope you have a great day.
It feels unnatural, even if it the most “natural” thing we go through!
Ah, you’re remembering to exhale. That may be the most important part of it all. :)
YES! No passing out, as of yet!
I love this. So much depth and significance in the message.
<3<3<3<3
Dear Misty, thank you for being vulnerably honest. I can relate to “not your girl…not worthy…not ready” way too much. God is more than enough for our not-enoughs. Hugs.
Blessings ~ Wendy
I suspect most of us can, which is pretty comforting! <3
I am learning (slowly) to be grateful simply for the journey…this life! For the good AND the not so good! Thanks for the reminder –
I think we learn, and keep learning certain lessons… So great that God loves us, even when we’re turtle-slow learners…
Fear has always and forever been the enemy. And then a day came when I accepted that I was always going to be afraid and I made friends with fear. Because scared or not, we do it anyway!
SO TRUE! I would say my story is the same, only I think I hadn’t put it to words quite like that, if that makes sense…
I don’t know what you’re going through, but I guess pausing is a good idea to refresh, reflect and refocus. May you have blessed times and encounters in this period.
being grateful for the not-so-good is a challenge, but rewarding!!
So, so true!
oh how I hear you fears keeping you from dreams. Its so excited to be on the verge of something new and unknown, and yet you know that it could be so beautiful. Thinking of you as you step forward one moment at a time. You are loved! I also love the way you expressed your working through these thoughts.
that second last paragraph resonates so much of the lies I listen to as well. Thank you for the reminder to pause, and to claim truth!