chronic illness, depression, entertainment, family, food, friendship, gratitude, home, journey, list, marriage, Misc., self care

It’s Friday, I’m in love…

 

I am a little surprised, looking back, that music doesn’t make this list more. I get that I’m picky, but I am constantly falling in love with new music, so it’s a little out of character. This season in my life, especially, has me seeking out new tracks to listen to. I’ve found myself slightly less interested in venturing out to a movie, and more inclined to lose myself (for an hour or two) in my headphones… Perhaps the dreary Michigan winter is responsible. Maybe the premise of many films disinterest me, these days. At any rate, I am sitting here typing away, with a parade of really great songs streaming in my ears. I keep an ever-changing playlist, and if you’d ever like to check it out, here’s the link. I have pretty great taste. (well, to me anyway.)

How has your week been?

I can honestly say the chuckle I had with the Michigan apocalypse jokes has faded a little, this week. Last week, I’m sure you knew we had a “meteor” which followed really bizarre lights. Earlier this week, our water turned the color of dehydrated urine. It wasn’t even gradual. It literally went from slightly cloudy water to the color of Yellow Drink. (that, of course, is an OITNB reference…) It was starting to feel downright plaguish.

The middle of my week was marked by a day spent at the University of Michigan hospital, with my mom. Alzheimer’s is no joke, and there are times (like Wednesday) when my head starts pounding so hard and I think that I could just go home, take a 12 hour-long hot shower, and then fall into bed until june. Draining… (shout out to my husband, who was a ROCKSTAR!)

I’ve intentionally stayed aware this week, trying not to disappear in sadness or an overwhelmed depression. I have laughed more at the frustrating things the puppy does. I have tried to be more tolerant of the grumpy, old lady things our 6-year-old Aussie does. I have tried to hold hands with my husband more, prepare more wholesome, intentional food at home (requesting fewer runs to Chipotle) and be deliberate in all things. I failed a lot, this week. I think I failed more than most months, but that’s ok. I’ll learn, right?

So many small things happened, and I’d think THIS! I want to add THIS to my list… But in reality, I wanted things in the list which I could pass on to you. Small life things aren’t those sorts of things…

But these things have been on my mind this week too…

1.) My word (well, you know what I mean) for the year is Let Go. I don’t know if I mentioned it here, but it was in my January newsletter. I  am not a regular journaller, by any stretch. This year though, with the goal of this mantra, I’ve decided to keep a LET GO JOURNAL. Every time I realize I need to let go of something, I write it in the journal. Sometimes this is followed by a quote, sometimes it’s followed by a verse from the Bible, or something prompting someone said, and sometimes it is simply “Let go of…..”  I LOVE this book. I am a little sad that I didn’t do it in the past, but that’s a silly thing to be sad about. I need to just let it go. :)

2.) For a few years now, I have marched into my doctor’s office every month to get a shot of B-12. I can’t tell you why, exactly. I know that I definitely felt better in the two weeks that would follow the shot, and then slowly it would fade. I don’t know the science of it, BUT I do know that I don’t really have time to do that. Sure, the actual visit is just a few minutes, but the drive, the wait and the fact that last time I had to stay for 50 minutes to dispute a charge that occurred because they billed the wrong code to my insurance. At any rate, on a whim I bought these. They taste so good, I really want to sit down with a jar of them and a good book, wasting an afternoon. Of course, I won’t. But they are decadent, as far as vitamins go.

3.) Chris and I are pretty much NEVER looking for new shows to watch. In comparison with the majority, we really don’t watch that much television. I don’t even think it is something either of us we really love doing, (unless it is blustery outside and there’s a cozy fireplace, and popcorn, but anyway…) but we both have  a good appreciation for things like downtime, checking out from time to time, clever entertainment, etc… And so, though we aren’t in the market for new shows, we do occasionally find them. (I shared about 9-1-1 a couple of weeks ago.) Anyway, the show The Resident came on our radar this week. Have you watched it? We really love Matt Czuchry and so we were eager to tune in. We both really liked it! (though I won’t lie… My LEAST favorite type of movie or show involves first responders and hospitals, so both of the shows I’ve mentioned recently are a big stretch for me. I like them a lot, but it’s like I have to psych myself out, and really brace myself for it. Geez, what is wrong with me???)

4.) On Wednesday, Chris and I left the hospital for a quick-lunch. We figured the downtown parking, second valet fee (hospital) and our lunch total would still be significantly less than what a hospital lunch would cost, AND be a lot better. We ended up trying this amazing little vegan place in the Kerrytown district of Ann Arbor, called the Lunch Room. It’s located in this marketplace that we both instantly fell in love with. (If we could find a sweet little flat, with character, near this market, I would finally feel like Michigan was someplace I’d be find living forever. Of course, this would also be because Ann Arbor is just like Boise, and Portland, and Seattle. It speaks my soul language and gets me, so yeah…) I know it isn’t super fair of me to post local links, since Ann Arbor isn’t really a possibility for the majority of my readers. That being said, it was such a fun little micro-adventure. We plan on going back when we have more than a couple of hours, to escape. (Plus it was Chw’s first dive into Vegan food and, if you missed the post on Instagram, I had nachos and he had macaroni and cheese. They were both amazing and he LOVED it!)

5.) My mom Julie (non-biological) passed away going on 12 years ago. Honestly, I can’t believe it has been 11 years. It feels like maybe, 4 or 5. Then I see photos of my sister Joy’s daughters, who were born the spring after Mom died, and the reality hits me. It is rare that something big, or hard, or sad happens when my first instinct isn’t still to call her. I remember in the first few years, a friend said that it would get easier. She’d lost her mother, and even though Julie wasn’t my birth mom, she was the only real mom I’d ever had, and she had “Mommed” me through every major life moment, until 2006. Now, over a decade later, I realize that the heart to reach out to her probably won’t change, and that’s ok. While I may not like the pain of losing and missing her, and I may cringe at the canyon left in our world because of the absence of Julie Peterson, I do love remembering her. I love the biggest parts of my journey, where she was there. I was so fortunate to know her, to love her and be loved by her. I was so incredibly blessed to be chosen by her, included by her. Her wings, as a mother, were vast and comforting…

This past fall, my friend Angela lost her father. This month she published a book about that journey, and I wanted to share it with you. We have all experienced shattering loss, to one degree or another, and it can be so hard to find any home or sunlight within those dark seasons.

 

I hope this last little big of January finds you each well and loving the small things, along with the bigger ones. Next week will be February and, hopefully, with February will come a little rodent’s guarantee that a beautiful spring is just around the corner!

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