Month: August 2014

here’s the scoop, and why it’s taking so incredibly LONG…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay2 Comments

off the map

Every person has a unique story. For a long time now, due to our passion for helping marriages as well as families who have struggled through infertility, Chw and I have been asked/encouraged to do a Podcast. When the topic came up pretty seriously, this past spring, the two of us were heavily entrenched in drama with our youngest (who is 15) and laughed off the guidance with “yeah, we are the LAST people anyone wants to hear about this stuff from.” Our supporters came back a few days later with, “so, we talked to so-and-so, and this-other-person and some-people-over-here and it was unanimous that your candidness and heart coupled with how raw you are about your journey is exactly why you are who people WANT to hear from.”

We thought about it, some. We prayed about it. Meanwhile, oddly, another friend began a podcast (completely unrelated) and the more we listened the less overwhelming of an idea it seemed to be.Still, the teenage rage filled wars waged on at home and so we decided we’d set a launch date of July 15. This gave us a few weeks to get our heads on straight and our daughter would be visiting friends. It seemed great.

But then, Chw got sick the week Gen left. And then just as he began to get well, I lost my voice and this turned into pneumonia. Before I could speak without sounding like a crazy 76-year-old smoker, it was a week into August. We set a new launch date and wouldn’t you know it, Chw’s company sent him out-of-town on business, two weeks in a row. All hell sort of re-erupted with Gen forcing us to put everything on hold and then this wild and crazy scheme to start taking steps towards A.) moving and B.) bringing my mother (from New Mexico) to live with us, just sort of snow balled…

It’s been nuts, you guys. Seriously not a second’s peace since mid June. Before that, I’d guess last fall, maybe?

We are so excited though because it’s going to be funny, and real, relevant, honest and hopefully something useful to someone somewhere… In the meantime… I need your help!

1.)Do you have any questions you’d like to ask about marriage, reconciling from divorce, our story, infertility, adoption, Reactive Attachment Disorder, etc? We’ve already received some great ones on our Facebook Page. If you have questions please message us there, or email me at rainydayinmay(at)gmail(dot)com, subject Podcast.

2.) Like our FB page, if you haven’t already, and spread the word!

3.) Do you know someone who might make a great guest on our show? (we can skype them in, no need to travel!)

Best laid plans, right? We’ll get there… Wish us luck! (and health, and peace!)

Nearer my heart…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay1 Comment

unnamedFor quite awhile, my youngest was obsessed with Paris. When she turned twelve we naturally had a Parisian themed birthday party complete with French movies, a fashion show and crepes for breakfast. While I think visiting Paris would be lovely, someday, I never shared her obsession or wonder over the fantasy of what she believed Paris was. Her Parisian focus certainly did not come from me, but we homeschooled at the time and I think our lives (as such) blurred the lines between where Gen ended and I began in areas. Many of my friends assumed I loved Paris, and Gen simply mimicked me.

For one of my birthdays, amidst of France phase, my friend gave me a french coin inscribed with a phrase, (in French), a turned into a pendant and put on a chain. The inscription read “The joy of life.” It was very unique and I loved it simply because I love my friend, though honestly the French aspect meant nothing to me. Then, last year when we moved to Michigan, I lost it. I hadn’t realized consciously that I wore the necklace every day until I was forced to go a day without wearing it. I felt vulnerable and unprepared. One day, some months later, it mysteriously appeared in my night stand drawer. While that’s a whole other set of stories for another time, I can honestly say I’d never been so happy to see a piece of jewelry in all my life.

I deeply missed my friend.

It felt like home…

I took the necklace off, in Chicago, to put on something a little more fancy for a small date with my husband. Since that day, those weeks ago, I’ve made the knowing decision every morning NOT to put it back on. It felt to big, somehow. Like choosing to wear The joy of Life around my neck was simply more than I could take on in that moment.

Last night Chw and I had dinner with dear friends whom we hadn’t seen in years and years. They have walked the parenting road we walk now, and it hasn’t gone lovely for them. While they understand how hopeless and insurmountable life, right now, truly seems/feels, just talking with someone else who gets it was reassuring. I can honestly say, in all my life, I have never felt more alone. There are several ugly, regret filled conversations that have filled our lips these past weeks/months, but there is no room to dwell on such things. Instead we must stand up, brush ourselves off and move forward. The Joy of Life. I don’t know how to have it today, but I do know I’m in charge of choosing it.

This morning my husband flew across the country for work and I got up, got dressed, washed my face, walked my dogs and then came inside and put on my necklace.

The Joy of Life.

I will have to remind myself with every tear fall, with ever ice pick twinge to the head, with every second that reality crashes around me… but even in the seconds when I forget that I do have some choices and that joy is one of them, the reminded will be there whispering its French inscription to my heart. Not only tying me to such a truth, but to my beautiful friend and a time when motherhood wasn’t so overwhelmingly dark.

Touching base…

Published on by Mae @ Rainydayinmay10 Comments

Wednesday morning I met a new friend and we chatted and cried. I sipped tea and felt the heavy water-weight of this life that I’m very much drowning in. I don’t have any answers and I’m living a life right now that needs about seven hundred of them, yesterday. Post our tea and tear session, I had to drive through some back country roads. Tears turned to sobs and vision blurred as curves were hugged. Music quiet on the radio became background nonsense as I was lost in the wave of complete brokenness. I wondered how I would (or could) even live beyond that day.

And then a song came on from several years ago. The song itself didn’t signify anything but in the back of my mind a voice said “I really love his voice, I’ve always loved his voice.” He would be Gavin DeGraw. Did that make the world all better? No. But that tiny second of something else was enough for me to grab tight and hold on.

I’m really excited to be promoting Dolphin Tale 2 because the first film was such a special, special story. I was asked to share this video with you and well, when I first previewed it and saw it was by Gavin DeGraw, I couldn’t help but feel a boost. And naturally, the words are amazingly fitting for life right now and the video is exceptional! It makes me even more excited for this movie! So go check it out, and then tell me what you think… tell me how you get through the hardest/darkest times or just say hi (really, I need the “hi!” right now…) and I’ll choose a winner Sunday to receive a download of this song!

Have an amazing weekend, you guys!