actual self-awareness…

Yesterday was one of those rare days where there was but one choice, to slow down…

Gen was home sick, from school. After a grueling session at physical therapy (which I’m taking for an old knee injury that has reared it’s ugly head after I strained my IT band something fierce) I was deep within the thralls of a migraine. It was blustery and rainy out, misery was all around.

As my meds began to take effect, I remained still and decided to curl up and finish a book I’d begun reading last week. (Catching Fire. Yes, I’m likely the last person in the country to read it, I know. It was deliberate. The first one depressed my beyond belief.)  Gen also decided to curl up, steaming tea in hand (her affliction was less head related and far more of the throat/nose variety) and plant herself in front of Jane Austen movies. When she grew weary of old English dialect and empire wastes, the remote guided her to the Hallmark channel for Christmas movies.

And just like that, our rain turned to snow.

It was eerily magical really…

The two of us love made for tv Christmas movies. We dvr them and will gorge on them incessantly until the 26th, when we’ll begrudgingly admit we’ve had our fill. I keep hearing complaints that they shouldn’t be on yet, but to those of you hating on this reality- there are lots of available (non-festive) channels… As far as those of us CM lovers go, November first is fair game. Hate elsewhere please, until after Thanksgiving anyway… Then come on over and indulge with us! We have popcorn and cocoa, with homemade marshmallows too!

Anyway, I’ve veered off point, by my obsession with low-budget holiday cheese.

The snow was beautiful. Really beautiful, in fact, because we were warm inside. We had an endless supply of mugs filled with steaming tea. We had a pot of homemade minestrone soup and fresh biscuits. We had blankets and heat. It was poetic and beautiful and though we commented on how lovely it was several, several times, not one time did I feel grateful for one of those things. Not once was I thankful that I wasn’t out in the snow. (I will clarify, I did utter many, many prayers of thanks that my headache had broken) Not once did I feel overcome with the reality that on that Veteran’s day, as twitter and Facebook status’ across the country boasted of snow- did I think about the thousands of homeless veterans without soup, mugs of steaming tea or Christmas movies.

Yesterday afforded me no choice to slow down. Even so, I still had choices. I still choice to think about me. I still chose not to be grateful for the small miracles and blessings and beauties. All in all, it was a lovely afternoon/evening and as my head hit the pillow I did thank God for it, but next time I’m forced to take things slower, I need to try a little bit harder to really be more aware…

4 thoughts on “actual self-awareness…

  1. Yeah, I notice that when I pray…so often it’s me Lord, me Lord, me me me! And sometimes I remember and pray a prayer for others, and sometimes I choose to just spend my prayer saying Thank You. It’s hard…even in marriage and life and kids. So often I find myself just wanting “me” time and I get more and more frustrated the longer I have to wait for it. But this life isn’t about me, it’s about me giving myself away. This life is about spending yourself on other people.

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