Longevity in relationships isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. The older I get, the more aware of that I become, even though I have to be honest- I just don’t understand it… I keep people in my life. I don’t make a habit of cutting them out, or throwing them away. The one exception would be a couple of bad-news high school friends, and my low-life step dad. That’s it. If I have ever “cut” someone out of my life, there was a really raw reason.
Also, as I’ve grown older though, I’ve realized I don’t have to be the only one to maintain a relationship either.
The other night, Chw and I were talking about a few instances of people who we deeply love, that have alienated themselves from us over the past year or two. It’s pretty hard not to feel deeply wounded by the personal rejection of these situations. One in particular has been down right heartbreaking and debilitating. As we discussed these different people though, (there are 6 over the course of 3 years) we found the only commonality were lies. Each person had lied to us, a lot. Each time, though the person was aware that we knew they were lying (because we said as much) we never got angry, judged them or anything of that nature. Even so, the result was complete division/abandonment on their part. Each instance hurt us, hurt our family- though one (possibly two of them) completely decimated our lives…
It’s been awhile. Time has passed. I feel like I should feel better, but I don’t. Why? Because I’m not one of those people who loses people. I love people. I literally journeyed through an emotional hell to become a mother and save my marriage. I fight for the people I have. No element of my family came easy. I love my people.
It’s interesting that in each situation the persons deceit worked that way. Whenever I’ve heard that “lies divide”, I always assumed it was referring to the lack of trust causing division, but it’s almost as though the liar distances themselves. Senseless tragedy if you ask me. People also love to say “no one loves a liar”, but I believe no one is just one thing. Not just a liar, or a thief, or __________…
Anyway, This has been on my mind lately. Of course, with the holidays around the corner and just the general every day moments… Life is really just hard sometimes isn’t it? I wish reassuring people that you love them was enough, but clearly it isn’t.
2 thoughts on “Pants on fire…”
I only have a few friends that I have had in my life for a long time. I hate it, but like you I realize others have to want to maintain the relationship, too. It’s hard.
I get this….it is very hurtful. It sounds as though they didn’t appreciate your friendship as you did theirs….The older I get, the fewer good friends I have. The ‘good’ ones though are the best parts of my life. XO