confession, family, food, journey, list, rant

People like me…

One day, last week, we had stopped in to Boston Market for a quick sandwich, before an appointment. Gen had snagged us a table, Chw was finishing his order and I was the one there holding the Visa, and waiting to pay. I looked down and before me were four individually wrapped chocolate chip cookies and a band around four of them that said “4 for 3.99!”

Wow, that’s a pretty great deal, and a cookie might be nice after lunch.

Here’s a few interesting things about cookies. I’m pretty Meh about them, in general. My husband LOVES cookies. He loves homemade cookies, prepackaged cookies. He’s a human cookie monster. His idea of the ideal evening is sitting down, before bed, with a small plate of cookies and a large glass of milk. Were cookies to be kept in the house at all times, he would do this EVERY evening. Me, on the other hand, I don’t really eat most cookies.

I say most because I do love Thin Mints and Samoas. I also really, really love a good peanut butter cookie. It ends there though, he can have every other cookie- which he will gladly take.

Now that you know this truth about me, it is maybe a little surprising that I bought four cookies for $4, right? They were NOT peanut butter. I knew the second I saw them, they’d be cookies baked from dough rolls, which honestly I think are the WORST. Not to mention, I could have bought individually wrapped cookies for $1 a piece, over 4 for $4. BUT they caught me, hook line and sinker.

It is people like me that keep gimmicky sales ploys around…

1.} Cookies at checkout. It’s true. Along with the above scenario- I do it at Subway too. And a local bakery. And Great Harvest. (though them it’s lemon bars and naughty bars too…) You could stick the world’s crappiest cookie, that I will probably NOT eat, in front of a check stand and I’ll likely be the one to buy it.

2.} Pottery Barn Style. I kid you not. I NEVER go to the dollar store, (and I don’t say that in a snobby way at all. Despite my recent cookie-fession, it may surprise to learn that I don’t spent money on junk and honestly dollar stores real of junk to me. Even if there are hidden gems, my mind can’t get past the junk.) so, while I never go to the dollar store, if one were to put out a flyer discussing their Pottery Barn Style home decor, I’d be in line before they opened. Craig’s list suckers me in- EVERY TIME- with that crap. and then, of course, the ad is beyond misleading because it’s more untrafficed back of the thrift store styled junk. That being said, do I wise up? No. Why? Because, what if… Boo.

3.} Well designed movie trailers with great music and brilliant editing suck me in EVERYTIME. {This was the worst one. Looked so redeeming but was the WORST movie I have ever seen. This being the second.} I love movie trailers and every once in a while there will be an amazing one, which I wait impatiently and pay good money to see and it turns out to be, well, beyond bad.

4.} Cooking magazines with great photos of food. EVERY TIME. (exception being Rachel Ray and Food Network magazines. I don’t like those.) An issue of Bon Appetit though, can steal my heart faster than a swoony film trailer… Let’s face it though, the issues are way overpriced and in todays’ age of blogging and pinterest- they are kind of outdated and unnecessary. Not to mention that I cook less than 5% of what’s in there… And yet.

5.} Chewing up at the check stand. It’s pretty brilliant when you consider people like me. Sure, there is almost an entire aisle of chewing gum, in the store, that I never feel the need to peruse down. But you slap of 10 random gums for me to stare at while I wait, and I will probably feel like I need three of them. At least.

6.} 50% off.  To my credit, I often refrain from purchasing- BUT it still sucks me in. Even worse? 75% off. That’s the cut off though, after that I start to wonder Wait, what’s wrong with this? When what I should be asking is, wait- what’s wrong with ME? I don’t need more junk!

7.} You can add *insert premium channel here* for only $10 a month (for the first six months). You’ll get great movies, and after 3 months we will give you a Prepaid Visa Card for $20. The catch is usually you commit to a year of service. After the first six months, the price doubles and you end up paying $180 for a service you only watched a handful of times, because they show the same movies over and over. But wait, there was that $20 gift card. Can we say swindled? Thankfully I’ve wised up a bit, but still…

8.} It will tame your natural curl. My mass curl head and I do not always see eye to eye. I fall for this pretty often. Obviously with little success.

9.} BOGO sales. “but you get one half off…” Yeah, sort of. Not really. Sometimes. Depends on the store.

10.} You can get a magazine subscription for 70% off the checkstand price. Talk about striking multiple weaknesses… These people are GOOD…

When my grandmother was alive, my mom used to rant on and on to me about my grandmother’s “Great Depression” remaining tendencies. She hand washed bread bags to keep stuff in. She shaved multiple moldings off of blocks of cheese. She would receive linens as gifts, and hide them in unused drawers because her threadbare towels were just fine. When she died, countless boxes of expired food were thrown away. Things she never really planned to eat, but kept just in case. New things hidden, with tags. In our grief, it gave us giggles. The volume of items she ordered off of infomercials or catalogs because they were “so neat”, that wound up being overpriced garbage… It was funny.

Over the past few years, my mom has become more like my grandmother. She buys bed linens for “someday” and tucks them in a closet. She buys magic bullets off of tv because they are “buy one get one free”, even though both together cost twice what they do in the store. It’s frustratingly endearing.

It’s terrifying. It’s going to be me. I see it now. I’ll get lured in with some ridiculous ploy and soon enough I’ll be gone and my kids will be rolling their eyes and the gadgets hidden, unused, under my bed.

Can you imagine all of the cookies? So, because I won’t be there to say it then- allow me to say it now… “You’re welcome, kids. I love you. Don’t throw that out, use it. You’ll love it! And don’t toss those cookies! They last forever…”

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9 thoughts on “People like me…”

  1. Haha! Coupons to my favorite stores are about the only things I give in to. $5 off just because…$10 credit earned from purchases…$5 because it’s your birthday… Even if I don’t need a THING, I go in and find some way to spend it, and usually more than triple what the coupon is worth.

    The same goes for coupons to my favorite restaurants. We have a ball that gets us a free appetizer at our favorite Mexican place. We go there a lot because that saves us $7 easy, even though we spend $30 to eat just the two of us.

    I so get the depression thinking. My mom’s aunt died when I was in college and my dad had to fly to California to settle her estate. He came back with tons of similar stories. Funny and cute, and sad knowing that we have NO IDEA how it must have felt to live during that time.

    1. The first movie is awful. The second trailer used to move me to tears. I am a sucker for a good human story. The movie was my second worst movie ever… (Somewhere being my first)

  2. The second movie LOOKED so good! Not, eh?
    I don’t like cookies, but my sheets smell like Cheezits. Ahem.
    And I have two coupons I plan on using today, just because they’re so darn good I can’t pass them up: $3.50 off $10 at Ulta (surely I need SOMETHING there, right?! Probably something for my frizzball hair…you understand) and $10 off $25 at JC Penney, who I don’t like at all, but getting $10 off speaks to me in a language I cannot ignore!

  3. Ugh. GIIIIIRRRRRL. You and I are cookie soul mates. My husband will take down a pound of ANY cookie in a 12-block radius. The only ones I touch? Thin Mints and Samoas.

    I can’t resist any sort of craft sale…regardless of whether I actually DO that craft or not. I have a pretty impressive supply of scrapbook paper because, well, it’s pretty. And it was on sale. :)

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