family, holiday, journey

$%#&*%$!!!

How was your Thanksgiving? 
Was it lovely and family drama free? 
I hope so… 
I have talked a little bit, on here, about this adoption mess which has consumed pretty much our entire year. For the most part though, I have spared you the sordid, ugly details. One thing I didn’t mention was around the start of summer we made the very difficult decision (together) to cut ties with several family members. You see, the adoption ordeal was beyond traumatic and it opened out eyes to the select number of family members who are so self consumed that they: 
– say completely heartless and inappropriate things;
– have hurt and/or rejected one, two or three of our kids consistently; 
– refused to even make an ounce of effort to be there for us when we, as a family, desperately needed people. 
Sidenote: flat out begging people to take notice and care, and them still refusing to look past the nose on their own face is the worst feeling ever. It breaks children’s hearts, it breaks siblings hearts. While nothing is unforgivable, unfortunately it is unforgettable. 
Since that decision, there have been two majorly manipulative and dramatic displays of instance, regarding said “family” members, but for the most part we have had a peaceful, easy feeling when it came to our decision. We knew instantly, in regards to our kids, that it was not only the right decision, but incredibly long overdue. 
And so, since we had our Premature Thanksgiving celebration, earlier in the month, we decided to treat the “real” Thanksgiving like a day of luxury and laziness. We didn’t cook. We did no chores. We watched movies and ate pie. Friends dropped by to eat more pie and it was perfect! 
We had delicious things to eat, (I discovered a deliciously amazing snack that I will share with you one day!) we had plenty to drink and we even had extra whipped cream for the pie- should we run out. 
We had thought of everything- 
Well, except for the one problem we hadn’t counted on. 
“Family”. 
There were calls, and texts. There was meanness, manipulation and guilting. 
It was pathetic. 
Unfortunately, cutting ties with self consumed and toxic people will not insure a drama free holiday. 
At least we know in time for Christmas! :) 
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1 thought on “$%#&*%$!!!”

  1. oh man. I am so sorry! That is so hard. It would of been a perfect day had those texts and what nots had not happened. HUGS! You know, we had to do something similar a few years back. We were disowned … LONG STORY SHORT… my children were not valued or loved equally or enough imo. And one phone call of "We will not be coming for Easter this year, just need a break " went into your disowned. IT was a little over a year and then they came back around begging us back… Things haven't changed really for us… but it taught us a lot. After the pain of it all eased… we got used to us being and belonging to each other. We got use to depending only on ourselves. It became better for us really. No expectations and then disapointments. Now, even though things are "FIXED" ha! We are not hurt as easily … we accept this is just how it is… and we don't go way out of our way to be what we thought we were the whole time. It sounds mean I guess, but it works for us. When they decide they want to be apart of our lives, they try… and most of the time they don't. So hugs! Your strong. If anything this will help you define your own little family and make you all stronger for it. It will give you back bone and help you mold your family into what FAMILY really is. :)

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