confession, journey, rant

Too soon…

I know that blogs all over the web are either trying to talk about what happened in Aurora last week, or distract from talking about it… My blogging tactic, as you noticed, was to not blog at all. My heart has been so broken over what happened… I am one who does not watch the news, but has had it on several times (not to include the news reading I’ve done online) to learn more about the victims, and even their accused killer. 
Along with the majority of American’s, we had plans to see the latest Batman installment, over the weekend. It has always been an irrational fear of mine, that something like this would happen. Once we were made aware of the tragedy, however, we decided to wait a bit. {Personally, since the film was technically only in the midnight showing, I feel the studio should have pulled it- out of respect, for a few weeks. They wouldn’t have lost any money and the gesture would have been huge- but I digress…}When something you are afraid of, but tell yourself would never happen- happens, you kind of also feel like not doing that for awhile…  Initially I knew that I would sit through the entire first half hour wondering what it had been like, and how far into the movie the audience had gotten… Unintentionally I would have grown more and more consumed with the emotion of it all and i didn’t want to put myself through that. Also, there was the fact that I just felt it was incredibly disrespectful to rush to the movies so soon… 
PLEASE UNDERSTAND that I am not insulting those who did. Pretty much every one we know went and saw it this weekend and that’s fine… but this was why we did not. 
We had been invited, before the tragedy, to go with some friends to a screening of an unreleased film, last night. About an hour before we left, Genny told me she was really scared to go to the movies. I explained to her that right now is likely the safest time, because security will be amped up… This reassured her, but throughout dinner my own anxiety grew. 
Just before we went into the foyer of the theater, we saw a man dressed up like a Klingon, with a video camera. He had everything, from head to toe, in complete costume. Instantly both CHW and I were alarmed. Genny’s expression was complete terror. 
Let me point out, he was NOT staff… He was completely alone. 
While he was outside the theater, it still seamed incredibly unbalanced that A) no one had alerted any type of authority considering the NO COSTUME rules happening right now. B) this person had the audacity to do something so stupid, so soon. 
Pushing it towards the back of our mind, we met our friends and went inside. 
I was struck by how normal everything was. Same 15 year old ticket taker, same incessantly long concession lines. As we approached theater 10 though, I was almost relieved to see a badged man stationed outside the door. (I say almost because he was around 70 years old) 
As we climbed the steps towards our seats, all I could think of were the dozens of midnight showings I’ve been to and the excited buzz that grows. As children happily chattered, as we passed, I thought about how fun that highly anticipated night must have been in that Aurora theater. 
It’s awful, I know. 
And honestly, I tried, and tried and tried to not dwell. 
Just before our film started, we were told that because this was a pre-release screening, the security guard was there to make sure no one recorded the movie while we watched it. As promised, he moved about the theater, and up and down the stadium steps, throughout the entire film. 
It was incredibly distracting to suddenly see a dark figure come bounding (as best a 70 year old man can) towards your row. 
Also alarming was every one of the 12 times that a theater staff member decided to enter our movie through one of the emergency exit exterior doors. Suddenly the door would noisily fling open and a Regal employee would emerge. 
I realize this post is a little choppy… Maybe I’m simply trying to process. 
I LOVE going to the movies… 
I always have. 
I am all for getting back on the horse, and not succumbing to fear… 
But the entire evening, from the klingon to the “security”, to the careless staff really struck me as wrong. 
It’s been less than a week. People are still fighting for their lives. Teenage kids still can’t sleep. Time likely still feels frozen for so many… And in a setting all to eerily similar, it’s just another day. Weird creepy loner, in a costume, documenting whatever weirdness he was recording- totally acceptable and not at all concerning while a security guard is in place ONLY to make sure only that no one illegal pirates a film. 
BIZARRE…
On top of that, the complete lack of tact or sensitivity to the use of the emergency exit doors. Every stream of light, or the loud sound of that bar sent ripples of jumping patrons. 
It seemed like everyone was on high alert- except for the people who should have been… 
On Saturday evening a commentator on CNN remarked something like “The numbers are just starting to come in and it looks like the events in Aurora haven’t put a damper on the DNR’s box office earnings. If we have learned anything it’s that once again Americans show that we rise above tragedy and fear.” 
Is that really what that shows? Or does it further paint our nation like one of shallow, selfish people who look away from tragedy towards entertainment… Should everyone have sat home depressed? NO… I don’t even care that people went to the movies… I care that it seems like the idea that the tragedy could have “put a damper” on their opening weekend earnings was something that anyone cared about. “a damper”???? like it’s just some bummer? It isn’t THAT people went to the movies that reflects poorly on us- it’s that anyone thought that was important to point out in such a ridiculous manner that makes us look shallow and insensitive. 
And these are the same people who ignore the Klingons (metaphorically), but make sure no one takes a crappy video of a movie with their phone. 
Our priorities are off… 
We are just piddly little Boise Idaho. On a random Monday night, there were still (easily) a thousand plus people at the theater last night. At ten dollars a ticket, that’s $10,000. While a good chunk of part of that goes to the studio for new release films- nearly 80% of the thousands made from concessions, goes into the pockets of the theater. 
The point being, there is money to hire someone to knock some sense (or the fear of God) into the Klingon while also insuring the staff of 9th graders (who in no way reassure anyone there is no threat to their safety) behave with some tact and awareness to the sensitivity of others. 
Once again though… it all comes down to the dollar sign and in this instance, no one is really hurt, so it’s of little concern to the ones making the money. 
If you saw the movie- good for you for being a much stronger and more mature person than I am. I have a couple of friends who walked out due to their emotional inability to enjoy it. That’s the main reason I didn’t go. It’s not that I feel it’s wrong to watch- in fact my husband is going tonight- it’s just that I know I am an emotional dweeb and couldn’t handle it like a grown up. 
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