Who I miss the most…

i thought long and hard, on this. I miss so many people. People gone, people still living; long distance family members and friends… long since distanced friendships… But who did I miss the most?

There has only ever been one person who I would instantly need to call when the world fell apart. Only one person who held my number 1 place on speed dial when parenting issues arose, health issues scared me or life drama burned itself into me.

As if there were any question who I missed the most. Of course it’s you… Within in the library of my brain there are more volumes stored complete with memories, moments and hearty conversations with you than any other. Like the bell of a cathedral, your laugh still rings through my thoughts every day. I am unable to see such things as sunflowers, butterflies or tiny framed mothers without a pierce through my soul.

I miss you most, when I don’t feel well.
I miss you most when motherhood moments leave me scared, frustrated or confused.
I miss you most when my husband and I argue.
I miss you most when I need a recipe.
Or any form of advice.
Or any conversation at all.
I miss you the most…

I am constantly criticized for my dislike of talking on the phone and I just realized- the day you died, I hated to pick up the line.

I love you, Mom.

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