journey, letter

J…

Dear J, 
The list of people who know about you, about how unkind the years have been to you, and about the completely blatant wreckage you left in me- is very small. When you told me that any semblance of the good and honorable guy you’d had ownership in once was gone- I should have heeded your warning. 
I always accepted responsibility for that. 
Though the ability to create amazingly beautiful things still courses wildly through your veins, that is where the end of any goodness is. 
You toy with the lives of people who love you, just to see what damage you can do. You delight in the power you wield to hurt people who care about you. You are an alcoholic, of choice, and the most shallow person I know. You masquerade through your days pretending that your opinion is superior by comparison, and that the world is full of spineless ignorance- save you, of course. 
It just isn’t true, J. 
You are a coward. 
You are so unbelievably scared of everything, like a mouse. You fear being hurt- so you make sure that you wound instead- and those wounds run deep. Trust me, I know. 
You are stingy with your words and commitments, like a weasel. 
You are arrogant, and yet that ego is unfounded by anything that really exists. 
It’s in your head that you live in a realm where you are the brilliant and abyssimal king, (to borrow your word) to the hoards of us ignorant  roaches and maggots who beg for your garbage. 
In reality, Jeremy Stephen Wagner- you are the cockroach while the rest of the world simply embraces life and works everyday to achieve happiness and reality.  
Looks like you are the ignorant one after all. 
And the one truly alone. 
And fairly pathetic, too. 
And i would say it’s a shame except that it really isn’t because, and to quote- “that guy you knew, he’s gone.”
Paint your heart out, J- because by my calculations you don’t have much heart left. 
Karma’s coming, 
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P.S. You were right about one other thing… the day did come where I don’t miss you- or think you’re worth my time. Thanks, for that… 
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5 thoughts on “J…”

  1. OMG …. I am on my feet giving you the standing ovation of a lifetime!!! This has been a LONG time coming and for you to NAME him instead of his usual "J" – Whoa!!! I mean, of course, I knew his identity, but for you to "blog" him out … I could not be more proud of you to face reality in the most in-depth way regarding this chapter of your life. Bravo Misty Mae …. now he is left alone with his guitars!!!

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